Resurrected and DIE AGAIN.

This blog entry will not be long as I am blogging in Imax not home. Truckloads of stuff to write about but then it has been piled up too much. Plus home pc already "passed away" and I lazy to set up my MAC for manual streamy connection. Well, graduated already. Doing nothing at the moment. However, next Monday going ti attend a job at hsbc bank for direct sales. I know it is not my field at all. But I learned that's the only way to keep my life going with cash to spend. Ish...I miss lotsa stuff about KL when I am back to Ipoh...

1. My college mates-> Last day of it I only realized the heaviness of leaving college and leaving those mates that i rarely talk to or even mixed with and yet, I missed them heaps.

2. My Puchong home-> Though it is located at the lousiest area of the entire world and equipped with NON-ENTERTAINMENT stuff at all but the emptiness of it make me think and work. All my contribution on finished design work was done in the living room from night till morning (with the internet connection-lah). I really missed the "me" back then.

3. Bel-> One hell buddy found in college.

4. Shopping complexes-> Ipoh's ones fail to satisfy me!

5. Lecturers-> They have been my guiding lights and never fail to aspire me to become a better me though I dislike few of them. I am truly motivated by their critics!

6. My design world-> Not like I am hiding from this field but in Ipoh, I hardly find any motivation to do any design work. Sometimes I do ask myself whether which world that I belong to. ARTS or SIMPLE LIFE? I can't answer that, maybe not now.

7. .............................................

8. .............................................

I could just go on with the list. I don't wish to just say all about it and do nothing. Maybe after a long rest, I will need to really focus on what i really want in life. One thing for sure right now is I wouldn't be able to blog so often like i used to be..Sad...

A holiday for my blog!

So unfinished with my assignment. DIE! With my heaviest heart ever, I then declare that my blog will be hibernating for a while. No post entries until 80% of assignment done or submitted. *Cry* I really left without any choice. Although there will be a week holiday due to Hari Raya and Deepavali next week but I strongly believe that I won’t have any time for blogging. (Not like I am going to spend the whole week doing assignment but then…still…) I am going to miss my BLOG soooo muccchhhh though there isn't any readers.

A new addiction

KL is completely nothing to me except for the shopping complexes and clubbing spots. I felt damn empty whenever I left Ipoh for KL. Perhaps is the course outline that bounded with truckload of assignments and everyday I just deal with due dates and also the people around me. Sigh, whatever it is I can’t wait to leave college but I know one fine day, I’ll miss college life so much. Just wait for the one fine day-lah then. Hehehe.

Had a fun and yet dreadful weekend back home to Ipoh. Indulged myself with countless mahjong games. The break of dawn will be the time when those mahjong games ended. I felt an intense of addiction towards it. Not linking the thought of winning big money through gambling but just the game itself. Make deals with Wyman and WaiKong for more mahjong games when I am back. Yay! *Do bunny-hopings around the living room*

Jin Werne was back to Ipoh too, hence Yin Theng and I decided to drop her a visit at her mum’s currently investment, which is a boutique in Ipoh Garden East area. Drove my dad newly-purchased second-hand CRV to pick Yin Theng up. The hugeness of the CRV and the bigger CC compared to the old wira has tempted me to become a road bully and honking those smaller vehicles that blocked through my way was FUN. *Evil laughs echoing*… I somehow do miss the old wira because it has bounded with so much of scratches and stains, undoubtedly if I ramp it over rocks, trees, poles, etc, parents sure won’t “sound”. Must train my driving more in order to be accident-free.

Nearly forgotten to mention the long skirt I planned to purchase from JinWerne’s mum’s boutique (JW Vanessa). It cost me a bomb (rm85++). For non-branded garment, it is expensive okay? Haven’t collected it as I am still deciding to buy or not. Granny offered to pay for it but I felt a bit awful. She has spent too much on me. From food to daily allowance and now clothes? I am a bit too much, right?

In-Sung was on tv8 again for the Spring Day but ntv7 is also screening In-Sung in the first episode of Memories of Bali. Gosh. Damn hard to resist both dramas. I ended up watching both bits and pieces by switching channels all the time to check on both dramas. This is a bit disturbing.

No pics for my Ipoh trip to upload as my phone camera is sent to repair. It is contaminated with virus, auto mms-ing ppl. Is it a signage that I should get a new phone? Bah-I am so broke lately. Better think for a way to accomplish my assignment than fascinating these sorta things.

Virgin Post of my design

My design for my Professional Studies assignment. A personal profile that tells about myself. Hence, I came up with this first draft on the cover page. Not sure if my lecturer will like it thou. A lil bit "lebih" with the colors as commented by Siee Hoong (A friend from Ipoh who is currently studying in Germany) and the layout looked kinda messy. Ain't so sure if I should change the layout colors and the composition or not. If only I have more time (in fact, i am granted with a month time), I definitely gonna make it much better. Blame it all on my procastinating habit. However, can't expect much as this is only the first attempt in executing it. Need more reference and inspiration!

Zo In-Sung, how I wish you are mine!

Nothing special about today except been staying at home, online the whole day and doing assignment. Such a rare me for doing so. This morning around 3am was in the midst of having sms chat with Wyman when suddenly I just dozed off like that. When I woke up the next day only I realized about it.

Done with the advertising proposal. But still got tee shirt design, exhibition campaign design, portfolio review arrangement and personal profile layout to accomplish. Still lots more to gulp down. Time left is less than a month and I don’t feel stress yet. This is no good! At least, I need something to buck me up in adjusting my time management in order to finish up the whole thing. It’s already my final semester. Sigh…

Saw Zo In-Sung in Spring Day drama series. Cute…! My heart is so dominated by him. Have an urge owning him man! Yesterday the trip to Midvalley with Fang and dinner in Pyramid with Chris, Jerome, Xian and Sarah has suck up an episode. No wonder when I watch the series today, I seem to go so hyperactive with the way he talked, walked, laughed and cried in the plot. More on “self-control” please. I know I am a bit “lebih” about him but this is my blog and I could say whatever I wanted to. *Evil grins*

Before more and more about In-Sung images flooding and pounding me down, I should make a move to my room and start packing now. Going back to Ipoh again. Hooray!!! Godmum coming to pick me up from my place at 7.45am and dropping me at B. Jalil LRT, need to finish up those assignments as much as I could in order to free myself from tangled worries. Skipping tmr class, feeling a bit bad because today I had skipped Professional Studies too. Chris told me classes nowadays are more likely tutorials than lectures. So, Ipoh…here I come, conquer and leave and I’m back for GOOD!

The history of the bus and I

Watched “As We Grow Older…” by Andy Lau together with Fang today in Midvalley. The storyline was so-so only but I found the ending quite meaningful and yet disturbing. Andy Lau’s features very fugly-lah in the ending scenes, making the movie looks pretty creepy and crappy. I felt so bad that I laughed so loud during the scenes where Andy Lau is dying in the movie. You need to watch it in order to comprehend my inner thoughts. Over all, this movie actually isn’t that depressing but me being conned when purchasing Meiji Hello Panda biscuits superbly is. The usual price sold in the market is only rm2.70 each but the stall situated near the cinema is selling it at the price of rm5.90. I fcuk-ingly innocent@stupid to actually grab two boxes of it without looking at the labeled price and when I looked at the cashier machine, “God-I am conned!” Ka-chiinnggg! Off my money went. GERAM SANGAT-LAH!

Any the way, we purportedly to shop around together and see what I could get for him on his birthday but ended up fruitless. I went and asked him many many times what exactly he needs/wants for his birthday this year and being the usual him, he asked for things that are close to impossible. Maybe I should just say it is impossible so he could “patah hati” in pursuing me getting him an Ipod/Crumpler Bag/CK Jeans. Did have a little fun today surfing in Mac Apple and comparing prices of the new Ipod 30G (can play video clips eh, canggih!) between Singapore and Malaysia. Found out prices in Singapore are more luring and cheaper in ways. Yerrr, feel like flying over there to purchase it straight off. (As if money grows on tree)

Guess what? I took bus today. It has been almost a decade I boarded a bus (those ipoh-kl-ipoh bus trips not count-lah). Fang and I dropped off from KL Sentral and we departed there. Then from KL Sentral I took Putra LRT to Kelana Jaya and took another bus ride to Sunway Pyramid to meet up with Christina. So much to evoke from the past once I stepped into the bus in KJ. Life in Kelana Jaya back then was such plain fun and almost heaven. Missed the good old days with my college buddies. It is good that I still remember all. The yumchar and hangout sessions, getting swindled by cabbies all the time, indo-mee, pool side, etc. How fast life has taken me to another pace and how much I pine for those days to return but I know, this is all about life. It will never stops changing. Am glad that I am still keeping two of my college buddies close at heart.

Extremely tired that I have indeed been out the whole day and I hardly slept the night before. So here am I blogging my night off without touching any assignment yet. Datelines are getting closer and I am getting lazier. Maybe I should stop blogging now and do a lil bit of write-ups for the Advertising proposal before dozing off. Oh yeah, Mr.Boyfriend finally made up with me. I won! Yay...

Out of MOOD

Mr. Boyfriend, Wyman, has just got on my nerves and resulting my supposedly good mood down to the drain. It’s 4.25am now. Since my pleasant mood is gone, I then have to deal with my fcuk-ed up mood and certainly I don’t think I have much attentiveness in executing my assignment. Providentially, done the Advertising billboard design earlier or else my group members will definitely made me eat my own shit. Hah, I am obviously exaggerating and I personally think they do not have insanity sense of humor like I do. I feel that I have some serious issues here (adopted this sentence from Bel). The world needs more people like me, I suggest. I am glad that I found my species in two of my buddies-> let me know if both of you wanted to be listed here.

Well, sometimes I do wonder if I am being brought up in an abnormal way hence my interest and attitude is one of a kind. A lot of my friends commented that communication with me is very “colorful” and I curse like nobody’s business. My cursing + swearing skills have been improvised with the aid of the surroundings in KL. I am surrounded by “bananas” ensuing I tend to curse more in English. Sentence needed to be rephrased. I tend to be over-cursing in both Cantonese and English. (This sounds more like it…)

Okay, Mr. Boyfriend has just apologized to me but I sense that I am still breathing fire. Not a good time to forgive him yet. I should feed him with my shit, shouldn’t I? Bah, I am not that devilish after all and I can’t imagine besides me, who on earth would actually have the intention in feeding their boyfriends with shit. If happens, that’s also those boyfriends are either bastards or pricks. Mine is not. He’s a monkey.

See this yourself and you will have to agree with me...

Beyond description

I spoiled Joan’s big idea on throwing a surprise + earlier birthday party for Bel by leaving my sandals on the doorstep. Sigh. Nicely set up Bel’s crib with candles everywhere and everyone hiding at corners + sweating like hell cause there was non-air circulation around but because of my pair of sandals left right in front of the doorstep has made Bel aware about my existence and I just smashed everyone's efforts…*Letting out a loud sigh…Haihhh* Luckily, the blamings just happened for a while. Christina didn't join us but got Bel a cake. The chocolate moist cake from Secret Recipe was too filling and too fattening. At first try convincing myself with the thought of burning some calories by playing pool in Asia Club but ended up watching the gang play foosball due to insuffiency of pool tables. It's Saturday night, baby...

Actually I was damn glad that I bought her birthday pressie weeks earlier before my financial crisis happened or else I’ll be dragging it as long as time permits. *Chuckles…* Like usual and expected, Bel and I done some disgusted and stupid pose when taking photographs. Mostly taken with her camera, so have to wait for her to pass me the copies then only can upload more. As for now, upload a bit from my camera first loh!

Inadvertent Smoky Effect=Brilliant Shot=Masterpiece=Skillful Photographer=Gifted=Carmen Yew=Me Me Me!! *Clap Clap*

The Cake Murderer

Tadda! We just disappeared Chew from the view!

Three Girls with Two Bitches


In an irrelevant case, I think I am fcuk-ingly obsessed and in love with this Korean celebrity called Jo In-Sung/Zo In-Sung. Can’t put him off the frame after watching only two episodes of a Korean drama (Spring Day). Although I just interjected into watching the drama suddenly, missed the previous episodes, considered myself quite blur about the storyline and yet I decided to go after the following series. Went google-ing and did a bit of research on him but heck it, mostly all the information also in Korean. Never mind, I satisfied myself more by downloading wallpapers and pictures of him into my Mac. Think I can go crazy over him and whenever he cried in those series, my heart just melted immediately. Usually guy who cries too much appeals to me as a major disguise + turn off + crybaby but in his case, I was totally turned on! He damn magnetism with his looks wei…!

Stuff that my parent wouldn't want to know..

Sometimes visiting a bookstore could be a sinful act. A visit to Basheer Bookstore (located at BB Plaza) today has made me rm135 more broke. Can’t deny that advertising and design books possess the force to tempt me into purchasing them. Last week, I have just purchased a packaging book and an Archive magazine from Basheer as well and this time, need not to say about it. Actually there were more I wanted so much to buy but if I were to do so, the figures would unquestionably reach up to 5 digits. *Seal my lips and act STUPID*

Took a cab with Christina right after that to KLCC for some photo shootings for Advertising project this time. Since I am out today, then the callings hit my heart again asking me to shop around. I realized self-control is vital but I just lose it. I ended up withdrawing rm500 cash from my another personal savings account and paid rm323 for two spaghetti tops and a skirt from MNG. Frantically hoping to be able getting my paid end of this month from Hazel (my supervisor for the Yun Nam part time job thingy) to cover back this amount spent or else I would end up eating shit-s for weeks. Plan of saving money for Ipod nano seems sinking into ocean deep. Sigh…

If Dad and Mum are IT-intellectuals and know how to read blogs, I wish I was never born at the very first place. However, at times I do feel blessed with expensive gadgets they got for me e.g. my Nokia 3650 (Dad bought it when it first launched and purposely drove all the way from Ipoh-KL just to pass it to me), Mac Powerbook G4 (Mum bought this when I obtained pretty good grades during semester 3), Nikon SLR 75, Sony Cybershot T3, etc. Very deep and very down, they know clearly that I am a terrible spender but I guess they can never expect it would be this BAD lor! Suddenly felt so sorry for them and disappointed about myself. Think I should hide in a corner and start to think properly and promise myself that I will spend wisely not blindly. However, I could tell that within hours or days later, this promise is meant to be broken and history will just repeat on its own. lalala...

"LowFat" (rm115), contained alot of motion graphics and illustration. It is so good that I almost drool even though I was only plain looking at it...Nope, no massive exaggeration!

"How To Catch Fairies by Gillen Sergiev"- Got this one for Lipet's birthday this year

"The Art of Saying Hello"- A good design book that consists myriad types of business cards. Got it at rm80 plus from Haja, The Other Bookstore.

"Lurzer's Archive Mag Vol.2 2005"- Basheer was selling it at only rm25, rm30 of reduction wei...How to resist?

"Amatterofdesign-Packaging(rm139)"-This book compiles a lot of creative packaging. Certainly not just boxes they are showing...

This is non-reading categorized. Only for eye-viewing pleasure. Purple and Turqoise Spaghetti Top (rm29 each) and Floppy Skirt (rm265). All from MNG. Knew the price for the skirt is super costy but i super like it. DON'T CARE-LAH!

Kicking the bucket

Had a few shootings needed to be done in Ikea. I “seludup” my digicam in and managed to capture those visuals that are needed for my Professional Studies’s business plan proposal (Something to do with new company set up and the interior and the so forth). Since I have reached Ikea and Ikano Power Centre is just right beside and The Curve is just right opposite, I could not reject the callings from my heart. So, I grabbed Christina by the arms and strove down to Ikano then moved ahead to The Curve and back to Ikea again as Chris wanted to get a mirror. Done for the day and I spent only rm50++ for lunch, an Ikea membership and also two over-sized long sleeve shirt (I wear them as pajamas). I did nothing during the night except watching some Korean dramas on TV and a bit of research on my new brief for Design Studies. Isn’t something tough as it’s only tee shirt designing but heard that my major project is a campaign and this brief will be given next week. So much to DIE for! Advertising campaign still in stretch, assuming only 20% done and I have not even started on my personal profile design yet. DIE DIE DIE!!!

Ikea membership, only rm20 for duration of 2 years

Got from Brands Outlet, Ikano there. Only rm10 each and the fabric damn nice wei...

The ugly side of US!!!

A tad bit disappointed with the breaking news about Ipod Nano. Heard that it’s unbelievably easy to scratch the screen, nixing its photo-displaying abilities and it really paused me a moment from getting it. Hope by the end of the day or this year, they are able to find a solution towards it as I am seriously into getting one for myself. Wyman promised to pay half of it and that also is yet to be confirmed.

College pretty sucks today. Design Studies class was cancelled and we were told to go to a conference held in Hall of Fame that talked about Switzerland Banking and stuff. I didn’t go for it. Basically just killed my time off with Bel in her classroom. Wanted so much to go home earlier as I hardly slept well the night before but still have advertising class to attend. GERAM!

Took a nap once I got home. Then got up and indulged myself with the magic box (TV). Knew that there are piles of assignments waiting to be accomplished and yet laziness rules over my mindset and body. Wasted away hours and now decided to blog a bit while cracking my pea-sized brain for more advertising ideas on how to promote the crappy restaurant in KLCC. Sigh, this crap is due within two weeks time. How to accelerate the work and yet still embed in excellent qualities/ ideas? Die die die..Start digging grave or more graves? This supposed to be a group project. Sigh sigh sigh!!!

Was checking my cell phone just now and came across some pictures I took with Wyman using his 6600 that has a unique lenses feature. Let the pictures do the talking! I know we look stupid/ugly/fcuk’d up but I did have a good laugh about it and also a freaking good time together with him and this that counts, alright?

The Ordinary US!

The Ugly Side of US!

Age vs. Act

Was gone astray from blogging for quite some time. Assignment is one of the reasons that kept me hectic for weeks but mainly also because of the frequent trips I made back to Ipoh. Done a lot of driving in Ipoh, was a personal chauffeur to my granny and also my brothers. Definitely don’t feel being used by them. Just felt grateful, as always I am whenever I am back home. Been to temple almost everyday to keep my granny accompany for the Nine Emperor Festive (something to do with Chinese beliefs), ate a lot of paos, and even went for fortune telling thingy with my Gor, Ah Ching. We also bought lottery together hoping to win millions and of course we FAILED. I swore that it was near to consolation prize. I bought 9128 and it came out 1928. rm35 also don’t want to let me win. Damn!

Y2k sucks lately. Or maybe I don’t know how to shuffle that made me the odd one out? Getting really bored over clubbing in Ipoh already. Am I aging? Hell No! Perhaps it’s just not in the mood or not in the right bunch of group. Must be either two of these reasons. Wyman’s sister was back to Ipoh. Met her in Y2k and caught her smoking. Why everyone is just so hook up to cigarettes? I just plain hate it. I rather choose to curse more than to try smoking. Well, then saw her ex’s car was parked right outside of Wyman’s house. Thought they have separated??? Wyman also look confused but he seems to be sloping into anger mode more. His sis is elder than me by a year and I guess I have no rights to confront her or giving any advice to her at all. In other words, she’s old enough to think rationally and act maturely.

Talking about maturity, all my paternal side relatives said I am not behaving as my age. How does 20 year-old people behave? Is there any right method or guides to behave as one? Guess not? However, I do really like my own attitude though there are so many negatives compared to positives. Vulgarity is my favorite among all. If I ever lose this uniqueness of over-cursing then this is so not Carmen Yew. Wyman hates this ME but it’s okay because I’m sure there are other parts of ME he found favor in. Or else he already put a full stop to the relationship.

Feel like doing some write ups for advertising class later. Fearing my group members might ditch me off as I tend to have this habit of completing projects and assignments in a very slow mode. I have enclose this blog with pictures of my cousins. Among all, Zi Jian is the closest one and also the most often one I spent time with whenever I am in Ipoh.

Zi Jian

Yan Yan

Tai Lik

Hidden Motive

I suggested going to KLCC to my group members for some packaging hunting. Okay, I lied. The group project outing was just a wrapped up excuse. My main motive is to do some shopping on outfits. I haven’t been buying nice clothes for quite a while. The very last time I spent on clothes was just a body fitting black tee from Adax that only cost me rm10. So, serious shopping is on-the-go. By the end of the day in KLCC, I just ended up with a cropped velvet cardi from MNG, rm119. Helped Yin Theng bought the same cardi but turquoise color. The shopping spirit died when I discovered the amount left inside my bank account because I have over-used rm200 advance of my allowance for the coming month. *Grumble...Mumble...* Resulting serious shopping down to the drain. However, am still glad that I bought the cardi top. I love it so much. The design, The fabric material. The color. Gosh…A must have item to every girl’s wardrobe. I have borrowed my digicam to Chew, so visual update about this cardi top must be postponed some time later. Think I am wearing it to sleep every night. :p blerks!!

My Power Color is Lime Green. Crap or Fact?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Often keep myself pondering if all these quizziez thingy are true enough to speak about myself...
It sounded so true (at least to my own perspective-lah) but I can't be bothered as I always find myself
being so unsure and uncertain in things and my very own pace of life...
Well, I do have a life to lead and as I always mention: Life is random, shit happens...
I don't live by words but the inner soul of mine...
Think I am crapping in some ways...
However, I simply lurve the generated color..Lime Green..

Serious Money Issue

Finally my part time job being a “marketing consultancy” for Yun Nam Hair Care and Sensualite Body Slimming Centre ended yesterday. “Marketing Consultancy…?” Sounded quite professional, huh? Well, maybe I should scope it down and call myself a promoter instead. Lol. This sounded more like it. Not a heavy job though. Going around Giant Kelana Jaya, spotting for balding people and overweight women and bug them to purchase some promotional vouchers. I only got to sell off 2 vouchers and Bel sold 5 by the end of the days! Damn.

The paid was so-so only and the working hours are horrendously draggy. Starting work at 9.30pm and finishing at 10.30pm. A total up of 13 hours each day and I am earning merely rm90 for a day. What the fish?! Let’s just say I had a terrible money issue here, thus I desperately needed the job. No, I am not into serious gambling issue that I am surrounded by debts. Neither I spent all my allowance in clubbing issue or what-so-ever. I wanted to save the extra income for future planning. Okay, my future planning includes of wanting to get an I-pod Nano, O2 Xda Mini, a new wardrobe collection of Armani Xchange, FCUK and DKNY clothings, a new digital watch from DKNY, design books that tagged with unreasonable pricings and trust me that the list will just repeating itself on and on but all carries the similarity where each item definitely costs more than a few hundreds and all the way up to few thousands ringgit. All these mentioned items are so tempting that no one could actually turned it off from one’s mind. Or at least to me? So do comprehend that money is the biggest issue I am facing here. How I wish money will flow out abundantly and miracously just like opening the water tap. “Keep on dreaming, Carmen_U”-> Ghee, I heard voices from nowhere…

Apart from the lengthy working hours, I did have fun sitting all day long cracking jokes and munching down on snacks with Bel especially the T’Lekor and the Japanese biscuits. I even like it more that we managed to attend work late and going home early without getting caught by Hazel-> Our supervisor. She’s just 20 and sometimes she just acted so unbelievably naïve and obtuse. I don’t want to start a bitching session here so I decided to upload some pics taken together with me and Joan and Bel. :)

Ignore the quality of the pic. Using only camera phone-LAH! What to expect, huh?

Trying real hard to be CUTE!

Oooo...GaaaGaaa...

Honestly speaking, we were having some serious issues here

Look at those balding men and overweight women!!!

Am I a mocking bird?

Wyman and I were still in a non-talking term. No phone calls / sms. Fine with me. I loaded my weekend with a promoter job and heavy yumchar sessions with Bel. Saturday night was such a tremendous meaningful night. I was more than glad to discover the dirt truth about “him”. For some reasons, I don’t wish to speak about the truth. Don’t even get me wrong that I am trying to protect “him” or what else, just some shit happened in between. Period.

After work, went straight to Jane’s birthday party in Breakers, Hartamas. At first, I almost put myself to sleep due to the boring atmosphere and on-going house music. Quite a lot of people turned up for the party and free flows of liquors and beers. I didn’t drink because I need to drive home plus my driving license died edi. Met Ed there and that really turned me off from feeling good. However, the night was made greater with this cute guy’s existence. We exchanged eye contacts but it almost put myself in tears when I didn’t even know what is his name and he left for lok-lok and Atmos. At first he invited me to join him but but but…I was too hook up chatting with Julian. Gawd-DAMN! Regretted so much and didn’t understand why I turned down the offer. Slutty me! :p blerks…

Didn’t really hang out for long in the party. I followed Julian for a yumchar session and there we have major and minor chats about “him”. Don’t ask me why Julian suddenly emerged into the picture. It’s going to necessitate hundreds pages to elucidate. Julian’s friends joined Julian and I for yumchar session in Hartamas Square and they are so funny people till I laughed irrationally and almost pee in my own pants. Went through hell lots of funny incidents and conversations with them. They gave me a nickname, Mocking Bird. I was the laughing stock for the night. After Hartamas, we then headed down to Subang for another yumchar session and also met up with a girl named Carmen, Julian’s friend. Both of us, the Carmen-s, were in the midst of seriousness issue production. We bitched about “him”. I know this entry may leave everyone with myriad of question marks but I really don’t want to undisclosed the truth that much. Sorry peeps.

I got home at 5 in the morning, looking dreadfully awful with the mess-ed up make up. Hahaha. Continued with a bit of bitchings in MSN and finally dozed off at 7 am. Guess what? Need to wake up for my promoter job at 9am. 2 hours of sleep only. Yes, my bodyclock is undeniably TWISTED. Oh yeah, I miss that CUTE GUY and unfortunately, I miss Wyman too.

Carmen_U, a lost soul

I felt so crappy all out of a sudden. Sitting myself here all alone in Puchong waiting to kill my time away by blogging. As I continue to blog, I felt a glimpse of loneliness and emptiness in life. Had an argument with Wyman yesterday night. I almost forgot what we argued about but I am gawd-damn-sure it’s just some craps, which we totally disagree about. He ended up telling me he is sick with my attitude. Yeah, I am such a pain to his ass/anus as he is to me.

For some reasons in living, having to stay in a relationship for almost 4 years with Wyman are totally mind trafficking and a battleship to me. Incompatibilities of financial status, attitudes, interests, family backgrounds, etc and the list should just go on and on. It really worries me about “our” future or better said, my future. He’s already 25 and I am still clinging in the age of 20. We both want each other to be really committed and we even thought of marriage too. Not every guy is ready for such commitment, I realized. For example, the “him” I had mentioned once or twice in the previous entries.

However, I took a step backward from thinking further about marriage and our future planning anymore. In the case that we have so much to disagree about, why bother getting together in the term “forever” if we really can’t click and comprehend and tolerate with each other’s flaws. What disappoint me most is his disorganized ways of spending which lead him to a zero percentage of savings. How to have vision together when nothing is done? I don’t want to fork out another few years time in waiting for miracles to happen. How many youthful years I could offer out?

I don’t want to be in a life that tight down with payments, installments, etc. I hate being broke all the time, but then once again, who wouldn’t right? It just cut my heart deeply whenever the thought of breaking up jiggling around my mind. An intense feeling of selfishness and materialistic revealed in my inner self. I hate myself so much that I just wanted to end it most of the times. I swear that there are times when I really wanted to be with Wyman forever (of course, when we are in those lovey dovey moods) and there are just so many blockages. Life has never been fair. One of the reasons why I very often got lost in tracks of what I really want and need.

I felt so fcuk'd!

I went out with that “guy” for the second time. Another risk taken in my life, I supposed. I realized we could not click that well BUT somehow I am attracted to him. He is so into his own world of being an existentialist and he could goes on forever with his passion in pursuing existence. I blame him not for his devotion into art and philosophy but somehow it just surprised me with his brain cells that could think much more than anyone else does or at least he rises up among people that I know. I admit that I do admire him and look into him deeply.

No, I am not talking about having crush over him or what. I just have this urge or impulse of wanting to know more about him. However, I did try so hard to stop thinking about him and the remarks about life and art he poured out to me. Shit, he is just so influential. I ended up thinking so much about him because in that everyday of my life there is a minute or two his words cross my mind. I felt so sorry for Wyman and myself. I see myself turning into a slut and this is so not RIGHT!

It is the dumbest and stupidest thing I could ever think or feel for others especially “him”. My intuition has always been accurately true. I sense that he is a very easy-going type of person that would never clinch to any commitment or promises. Casual dating will be the best description to explain this. I remembered going through his friendster’s testimonial and saw this lil girl’s who only age 18 posted her love dedication through poem to him, so eventually it struck me hard. I don’t want to hurt others as much as I don’t want to hurt myself. “He” knows I am pretty much attached and yet he could sms me telling me how much he misses me and stuff. Craps.

On the first go, I really feel like accepting his casual dating offers but somehow I just backed off. I think I will miss him a lot as a person that I could look so much into sharing perceptions about arts and inspirations. He has seriously enlightened me a lot. I felt so fuck’d now. I didn’t know he could leave such an impact. Danny is just so right. I'll lose alot perhaps I'll even lose myself out if I really wanted to be in "his" game. Wake up, Carmen! You got to fight to regain back your consciousness! Don’t stray away!

Mooncake Festive

Had a wonderful mooncake festive celebration with Fang, Yin Theng, Suhairil and Chee Keat up to the Kledang hill. The best farewell we could offer to Suhairil, I supposed. Gonna miss him heaps when he’s leaving next Friday for his studies. The night up in the Kledang Hill was so much to be proclaimed as just plain memories. It has portrayed out a bond, a strong and real bond of friendships I could ever attained from them. We goofed around and snapshot a lot of pictures for remembrance. Believing that fate has brought us together, can anyone imagine the possibilities of having few individuals bumping into each other and becoming friends as the world consists thousand millions of all human kinds and and and and additionally…we managed to build bonds!

Carmen_U got tangled up with confusions

I just came back from going out with a total stranger who I just obtained to know from MSN. We went to Putrajaya for lake view. He left me with a deep impression. He’s W.E.I.R.D. I hardly comprehend what is he talking about at times. He seems to be someone who has deep thoughts about life and himself. I have never encountered with such person before and once in while, surprises just arrived in package, I assumed. He influenced a lot in the way I used to think. He told me life shouldn’t be in a stable stage, it’s not normal. We’ll never learn and will never ever see the real surreal side of the world if we never leave our comfort soon. So, life should be volatized. However, I just found it is very difficult in understanding him. Maybe I am dumb? This must be the biggest explanation for the whole confusion. By the way, I saved his name as Lionel-The Serial Rapist. Nope, he did not sexual harass me or done anything to me. It’s just that the name suddenly popped out from nowhere. Yes, I am a very creative person and inspiration is every corner of the world. LOL.

Gosh, I think I am going to have a terrible migraine now. He is just too philosophical with his observation and the way he conceptualizes things. He drowned me with all these. I must admit I did look like a dumb blonde next to him. Wait...I am not a blonde…Erm, more like a dim-witted sapien to him. Can’t everyone in this whole wide world to have a simple thinking ever? Everyone just confuses me each day! WHY? I am so devastated with questionnaires again.

At this very minute, I thought I know what I want in life and I am contented with what I already got. At another minute, I got so unsure with things and troubled with finding my real self. What is happening to me? Why life has to be so confusing? By the way, I am chatting with him in MSN now. Hope I will get my answers from him.

I am crazee!

Christina abandoned me! I spent my whole weekend with Belinda in her crib doing assignments. Yes, I am a very “HARDWORKING” student. *Cough…cough…* Time spent on the industrial training report was dreadfully long and mind confusing. Having to dig back my memories all the way back to what had happened during the first day of internship till the end part of it! I think I crapped a lot or perhaps too much. Never mind about that because it has been completed and submitted.

Okay, there is something that I would like to highlight about my weekend stayed in Bel’s crib. Despite the lousy hours I spent on my assignment, I actually poured out more time to do lepak-ings with Belinda. Yes, I have a confession here. Over the weekend, I had two sushi meals, a “duck shit green” long skirt, two pairs of earrings, and a handset accessory for decoration purpose, a MAC eye shadow and also two necklaces for my peeps’ birthdays. These are okay still; at least I find the cash is well spent. There is this part where I took out rm15 to some I-bands show at Paul’s Place. I am not saying that they are not good but just a tad bit expensive for scoping only two bands playing. Sorry Mum and Dad, my cash is hitting the zero digits once more! I am so obviously draining my parents out.

By the way, Belinda also spent rm5 on a flying butterfly and she names it Annie-The-Guy-Butterfly. I see the point that generally my circle of friends is dominated largely with down syndrome, wacky and illogical sapiens. However, I really love them from the bottom of my heart up to the sky high high. Their rawking attitudes are ways better than having those “Gucci-Prada girls” to be my buddies. “They” irritate the hell out of me because I could hardly pronounce Salvatore Ferragamore and I ain’t sure if I had spelled it correctly or not. Grasp the point and know what I mean?? So, to people who seriously want a friendship from me, reveal yourself as retards. This is the basic requirement for a long lasting no bitching friendship offer I could ever give!

In a foreseen circumstance, I bumped into Voon (a college buddy of mine. She’s crazee!) with her super-love-to-be-scolded bf in Mid Valley. Finally, all these hurt and disappointment she has gone through from the previous relationships, this new guy here managed to make her surrendered back to the thing called “LOVE”. Awesome, isn’t it? I think she sure going to twirl that relationship into an abusive one. Hehe. Then I also did some daring stunt in Watson. I went and smacked Jeen and Belinda’s heads with Laurier sanitary pad. I know I sounded more or less like a psycho but believe me, it was fun.

Peeps, here’s some silly pictures you could indulge yourself into!

Regarded as the most "IN" trendy fashion for the year!

"Cacated" Posture

Belinda posing with Annie-The-Guy-Butterfly

The pregnant-ed Belinda

Becky with her unbeatable habit

Stuff that I have "cashed out"...

Uncaptioned

My previous countdown for National Day (2004) brought me shivers and fanatic delusion simultaneously!

Nothing big happened during National Day countdown. I was banned from clubbing with Soya just because I promised YinTheng to fork out my precious time to spend with her. Urgh! Never mind, the night wasn’t that boring. We walked to Jusco from Blu Café and my heels surprisingly didn’t hurt me this time. Yay, I am improving edi. Bought Baskin Robbins and walked back to Blue Café for dinner. It was like 10pm. The food was a tad bit disappointing. The mushroom soup wasn’t as cheesy as the first time I savored and the seafood spaghetti seems a bit tasteless. Never mind still, I have my Baskin Robbins Chocolate ice cream to compensate the downgraded dinner. The dull night continues to bloom in Rosa Café as Shirley and her man, CheeSeng wanna have a less noisy place to crap. Catch a glimpse of fireworks outside Rosa Café with YinTheng and Shirley. Okay, we did have some goofing fun in the end. Just that less calories burning activity. I have been sitting in different cafes for hours.

Was thinking back how did I celebrate the previous national day. Uhm, was stuck inside the traffic for 4 hours. However, Bel, Lips and me managed to catch the sight of the dazzling fireworks and bought those ribbon spray and started fanatical acts towards each other. It was FUN, minus the existence of Ed. I was more than glad in that particular year to have spent time with him but the more I think about him now, I could sense shivers down my spine. We started pretty fast and we ended pretty fast too. I have never been regretted so much in my whole entirely life to have “on” with him. I just don’t get it why will I ever fell for him? Did I really fall for him or it was just delusions? Every now and then I bumped into him in college, I dare not to look into his eye or his face. He gives me spooky feelings. I am very muchly contented with my life now with Wyman and hope I won’t be seeing Ed forever in my life. The history is just too disgusting to be revealed. However, having back Wyman make me realized so much of things in life, things that I don’t get to observe when we were together till we off the switch and on it back the second time, my vision then has came back to its conscious. Although we may squabble and start out heat arguments at times but life being with him has never made me ever feel regretted. Not even once.

This year countdown for National Day may not be something big but it somehow reminds me to feel lucky that I have finally grown from the past!

Unutterable..

I am going nuts. Assignments can give you so many shitty of feelings at times. I have turned down numerous offers of hanging out sessions from friends just because I am so hooked with my design work. Not like I am hating it but design can really eat up all my time for myself. I need a break! So I went to Mid Valley and spent RM450++ in M.A.C on Friday with Christina to release my pressure. Tak jadi to upgrade my powerbook cause I ended up in M.A.C. not MAC Apple. LOL…Got myself a basic and limited set of make up brushes, an eyebrow pencil, cream blush pot, a dark brown eye shadow and a new make over by the make up artist there. Not forgetting I received a free M.A.C. bag and TWO glitter eyeliners. I got lectured so much about the before and after steps for make up and the do’s and don’ts and GUESS WHAT? I didn’t remember a thing right after I stepped out from the shop. It was so darn complicating. I really think I need classes for all these beauty thingy.

I was so obsessed with my new make over that I almost snapshot myself for a hundred shutters. Yes, I could be so vain at times. I then mms-ed Wyman, Fang and Yin Theng my new look and told them about the money I have flung in for the sake of feeling good. As expected, Wyman complained that I spend too much on unnecessary and very soon he predicted I will be broke for don’t know how many weeks. Well dear, I am already BROKE. Fang said the look seems good to him. Actually that pic didn’t manage to show me with make up but thanks for the compliment. I need to save down his words for future reference and history review as half of my lifetime knowing Fang; he has not been saying anything positive or good about me. On the other hand, Yin Theng simply knows the best. Perhaps we are GIRLS and eventually we have this mutual understanding of feeling great by looking good.


All these feeling good finally came to an end when I was back to my apartment. What else could be so frustrating besides assignments. Need to step down the pedal and accelerate for completion. However, there is a blockage for doing so. Received a call from Dad saying he has traveled down to KL just because he quarreled with Mum and I wasted hours to listen to their trash. I don’t mean I hated my Dad or Mum (I do hate her for so many times actually) but I just don’t want to get stuck in their arguments. I am not a mind-reader or a physiologist. Don’t expect me to help because I know it will be useless. Sigh…Don’t want to mention what happened in betweens, as I don’t want myself to remember. My family is just so indescribable. No words could bring out the contents within. We never have this strong family bond or understanding for each other. I love them lots especially my brothers, I just wish there is one fine day till right to the end, we will able to spend quality time and have good time being together just like other healthy families do. Thus I need to work hard to offer them and yet I am such a terrible spender. *Blush..Blush..*

Updates...

A summarized updates about my on-goings for the past 12 days

1. Went back Ipoh. *Grin….*
2. Watched Charlie & The Chocolate Factory with Wyman. Awesome.
3. Dawdle around Ipoh. Mainly about food.
4. Came back to KL. Boring!
5. Rushing for assignments.
6. Shopped in KLCC and spent only rm25 for my lunch and camera casing. *Proud*
7. College...College...College…
8. Followed Yihua back to Ipoh again.
9. Joined Soya and the gang for clubbing session. Embarrassed myself with heels and dress while the whole gang clad with
only tees and jeans.
10. Worked on weekends and earned myself rm170 for two offered jobs from Ivan (Wyman’s football buddy). Easy money and
easy tasks.
11. Pestering Voon to get me my biotherm facial cleansing sets ASAP as my skin needs to be revitalized badly. Those jobs
need to make up and my skin can barely breathe.
12. Movie with Soya. Bewitched. Turned out to be pretty okay only.
13. Came back to KL and rotting session begins.

The Prime Minister Visit

College has this branding packaging function today and managed to invite Abdullah Badawi @ Pak Lah, Malaysia’s current Prime Minister, to launch the campaign. Was selected by Lawrence, my previous semester lecturer for Design Studies, to welcome the Mr. Prime Minister. Thought it was such an honor to be the chosen one but ended up damn disappointing. Stood at the exhibition gallery for hours with killing heels and only got to see him for 10 minutes. But distance damn near-lah, one or two steps away only. Those aggravating reporters and photographers can and will never quit tracking on Pak Lah and scooping for more pictures and jotting down things he about to say. My vision became real blur when Pak Lah passing by the entrance. Imagine all those cameras flashing non-stop and what I mean here is 20 to 30 sets of camera flashes. I wonder how many cells of mine have they killed? By the way, can’t they just leave the old man alone??? Pity him kaw-kaw. Like celebrity nia. No privacy at all. Going out to the malls also need to contemplate for a long time and can never leave home without any bodyguards to accompany. What a life! I am so glad that I am just an extra ordinary girl who leads a simple life. To conclude, I am a boring person. Hahaha.

Besides the tiring hours standing at the gallery, I still manage to mingle around the gallery having snapshooting sessions with Christina, Sarah, and Xian. CK (my Illustration lecturer who I really adore and people commented we do look alike) slipped into the flashy sessions with funny poses. Gosh, I miss seeing him in class so much. After this tired-comes-along-with-fun day, I hurried back Ipoh. The haze is worsening. This also implies I won’t be blogging till Monday, I supposed. However, I am quite lazy to blog. Hell yeah, all the assignments keep piling up and keep pouring in. Headache-NYA!

It needs not to be this way

Guess what? I found a really reasonable reason to be back home again in Ipoh for this weekend. “The HAZE!” Yay!!! Read the air pollutant index online just now and my area Bandar Bukit Puchong also can claim as an area near Putrajaya happened to trophy the third place. Jenqtat (my new-found mahjong kaki) will be back to Ipoh also. This means certainly I’ll be sleep-deprived due to the mahjong chill out sessions. Gosh. Loving it. Wish Fang will be back as well. Hardly got the time to actually chill together.

My life in KL is unbelievably chaotic. Despite the haze, those truckloads of assignments seem not going real well. I am being left behind with sketches and research to do and my acclamation of work done is in ZERO percentage. Just still not in the mood for college and believe me, am going to college for the sake of attending only. If there is any award winning for the sluggish student of the year, undoubtedly my name will be the first listed. I just hate to slug through my college life like this but then once again, I don’t seem to have a choice. But heck it, I could have just mixed myself with all those groovy clubbing hot chics to chill and care not for my studies. Damn, I just can’t! Hanging loosely without sense of directions. *Went bunny hopping to break the tense*

If life gives you lemon, made lemonade and what I mean is lots and lots of them. -> This used to be the axiom of my life but then came a “more than a stranger, less than a friend” sort of person woke me up by rephrasing the sentence. He said if life gives me lemon, say FCUK to life and made orange instead. So inspiring hor?

Balik Kampong!

Went through another lip smacking weekend back to Ipoh. Got an offered free ride back to Ipoh from Thaya, my man’s best friend. Nothing can beats the trippy happy feelings whenever I am back to my precious hometown, IPOH. Apart from the weekend routine, which is eating out the whole Ipoh, I actually went snooker-ing with Wyman and Thaya and was banned from the game after 5 mins. Wore an inappropriate outfit and accidentally outshined my cleavage. Got lectured by Wyman. Neh, not like I purposely did that!

The whole weekend was real free from restrictions. No promises for supper-waiting sessions with my man. Simple because of Wyman has decided to abandon me aside and Thaya is back in town is the attached reason. Yes, I do envy the amount of attention he put onto his best friend. It wasn’t that bad actually, I know I am exaggerating. Hehehe. Oh yeah, I finally watched The Island and trust me, it is a good movie with sense-making plot. But heck it, Soya and the gang decided not to buy my words anymore because I recommended Seven Swords to them and they find it suckie. However, I still think the movie is good and interesting. Never blame me for this, alright? *Giving a farking don’t care look* Well, I am also very eagerly anticipating to watch The Corpse Bride and Charlie & The Chocolate Factory which will be up for screening soon. Both also by Tim Burton, so there aren’t any reason for me to miss the movies.

Got to meet up with Wei Tek for a while this time. He was alcohol-ed but not at a drunk stage. Was sharing bits and pieces about his “uni”-life and also my horrendously sickening college life. I long for it to end soon but I don’t want to go out and start my working life this soon. Mum has been pestering me to start observing for jobs in KL or perhaps Singapore. She so doesn’t want me to be back to Ipoh. Bitch! She should hide herself in a corner and rot there. I don’t care. I want a long holiday after my course ends. I wanted to go HongKong for shopping spree and food hunting. Just can never get enough of those hongkish vibes.

I am BROKE again. Predictable, huh?

Attended my Design Studies class today and realized what a lousy lecturer I got to conduct the class and to teach us designs. Gosh. She speaks enormously dreadful broken English and that is completely mind disturbing and torturing. Every single word spills out from her mouth driving me to have the urge to bitch-slapping her kao-kao! She even boasted to the class about having so much of experiences in working in big companies such as Leo Burnett, Ntv7, NSTP, etc and seriously I couldn’t help myself but laughing hysterically inside. I am not trying to be mean to her but just having the thought of her working in those top leading companies with her ways of speaking broken English caused me to have uncertainties for her standards and abilities. She told us she has been changing jobs every year from Leo Burnett to Ntv7 and blah blah blah...just clinching to the reason that she was tired over her overwhelming jobs? It simply made no sense! I wonder should I better be praying hard so that she won’t get tired so fast and able to stick finish being a lecturer in order for us to graduate without any delay and mess that could caused by her. Well, I gravely hope she doesn’t read blogs or else I will undoubtedly never ever pass through this subject and getting to graduate. I would have to dig grave then…

Since she is a 24/7 tired person, the class ended rather early and we only went through a half an hour lecture on the module outlines and stuff. Yay! Set off to Sg.Wang for some window-shopping or at least that was what I had in mind at first. Spent the whole day there and eventually the window-shopping mindset had turned into a big disaster. RM500 just vanished into thin air. *WHOOSH..!* Gone. The money was contributed to some gifts I got for Soya’s birthday from Quiksilver, Biotherm facial products, food and miscellaneous. Only left RM175.82 to survive for this whole month of August and this coming Friday, my mates plan to give Red-box a visit. How to fork out money anymore when you clearly comprehend that money won’t flow in till September. Always hate it when I am broke!

Any-the-way, Wyman sms-ed and told me he had took Benji for full grooming this afternoon and that poor lil baby got freak out the moment he saw the lady taking out pairs of scissors. He even “ter”-chuck a shit out. Wyman added in saying now Benji looks more like a Terrier now than a mixture of Shih Tzu and Pomeranian. Wyman was also smart enough till he forgotten to snapshoot Benji’s pics to mms all to me. Bloody forgetful boyfriend I am having, huh? Well, can’t be complaining too much as well since he has wasted 1/3 of his working time to fetch my Benji for grooming. Okay, my boyfriend is actually a darn caring and loving man to me and to my baby! Stop the pukings in front of the screens, peeps!

Need sleep desperately now. Will blog again…

Philosophies of Carmen Yew's life.

Trouble minds, entwined emotions, shattered dreams, broken souls, etc. This is how I picture my accelerated life is about. No more such a thing called innocence or pure and naive childlike thoughts. As I grow, I grasped the fact that life has been contaminated with ambiguous of convolutions and fairy tales no longer emerge to bring hopes of contentment. However, it has not sink to the bottomless in life that I might need to give up my life yet. I will still need a longer run and a bigger capacity to actually kill myself for repeatedly believing that my life sucks and ‘rawks’ no more. Love & Hatred: The utmost intense of feelings that motivates human beings to stay and hang on and on. Either to love unconditionally or to hate entirely, it does not and would not matter anymore.

20 years of ongoings and still running on...I want a life with no regrets whenever I evoke back to my past. Yes. This is my set-to-be aspiration/guidance on how walk finish my life. And if I had to sum up my life in one word, it must and has to be "random".

Finally it has ended....

Internship has finally ended and instead of feeling triumphant by defeating boredom and stressful working hours, I felt a glimpse of reluctances of stepping out from Sil Ad. I would not deny the fact that Sa’ad Hussain is the man of the year. He taught me not only things needed to survive in the advertising field but also the purposes of driven life. Sigh, I really started to miss the team working there and really going to miss them heaps. Valerie, Paul, Mike, Dougie, Francesca, Big, Sai Kee, Mel, Mei Ling, Azrul, Dani, Alison, Pei Ling, Royston and not forgetting our office boy, Madi. Truly a bunch of fun-loving and down-to-earth sapiens excluding once in a while, one or two of them could be real exasperating and armed with wicked desirous but but but…I already left and completed my internship and the politics ended here. *Wicked laughs echo-ing…*

Ice cream FETISH

Hey peeps, I was back to Ipoh for the weekend once again and same old shit, got myself really in awe for the deliciously scrumptious food, the cool and salubrious air, the clean and crystal clear water. However, the main aspect that magnetizes me of going back Ipoh so often is non-other than my family and friends. Don’t know why can’t really click that well with my KL friends compare to the Ipoh ones. Maybe the Ipoh ones have gone through a stage in catching the sight of me growing up. Miss the companionships of Kokpin, Weitek, Moungkai, Usang, Wailoon, Kokweng and the rest. It just so pathetic and sad that everyone is being littered randomly everywhere for studies purposes. Not like last time when we used to hang out in this small town of Ipoh. Everyone is just so far away from each other pursuing dreams and goals and sometimes I do wonder will they lose themselves as in their real selves when they are in the midst of searching for their futures. I think I have lost mine.

Any-the-way, I went out for the Fantastic 4 movie with Soya and bunch of friends. It was such an enormously suckie plot. Told Wyman later on about that movie and yet he still went and watched. Geram-NYA.

On Sunday, received sms from Yin Theng, having to say she already “on” with Robin. Unsure if she has made the right choice or a very rushed up decision she got there. Worrying if she might be hurt again as she could have been forcing herself into loving someone she tend to like but not love. However, all these would not have an answer if she never attempts to try out. Praying here that Robin will treat her unbelievably good just like air flight first class service as she is farking fragile and sensitive and not forgetting farking demanding too. Hehe. That’s my girl.

Then yesterday night went out with Bel and her bunch of Taiping buddies. Ate a lot. Yes. Fat. Damn FAT. Only for dinner I had Tom yam Sotong with rice plus Thai grilled ray fish. That is lots as the portion is huge. I don’t know what has gotten into me, was very luring in eating ice-cream yesterday night also. Went to the McDonald in ss2 and only found out they serve only vanilla Sunday cone and not chocolate. Pathetic-NYA. Ended up in Uptown’s Baskin Robbins. Went home at almost one in the morning. Angered Wyman as forgotten to reply his sms and calls. Sigh, I really not in the mood for explaining. After my shower I dozed off to sleep straight off. Not trying to be mean but just dead tired and he’s 25. Should be matured enough and not getting angry at empty air.

Take it or leave it

Recently, I am being so mocked down with piles of design work. Comparing to the first week I was here with the current state, which is now is so ridiculously different. Yesterday working time has dragged till today morning. I only got to go home at 1 a.m. something and get up at 7 for work AGAIN. The work has been never ending. Those clients are so fastidious and I seem to be forever doing the same thing with different design outcomes. Getting numb to everything. How I wish that I could be anesthetized. At least, I have little time for my own than pressurizing my pea-sized brain for ideas, ideas, and more ideas. Gosh, I need a break desperately.

I have forsaken Wyman for quite some time and he already started to throw tons of complaints and all with my hectic working schedule. Baby, I can’t help it but bear with it for just another a week more as I’ll be finishing my internship real soon. You should be even more prepare that as college starts, I will be much more busier than now. I can’t possibly be spending too much with anyone or engage myself with anything for the reason that the coming semester will be my final to complete before I am landing to this brutally sick advertising line. Am still contemplating either move on with other kinds of jobs or still stick back to advertising. In the midst of regretting taking up design course but despite the pressure, actually once in a while I do enjoy what I am learning. Got to observe what others don’t notice and design is something very ORIGINAL. It somehow brings a character or characters to an individual. Interesting and yet suffering. So, it's either I take it or leave it.

Friends do come and go.

I realized I haven’t blog for 4 days. Yeaps. I am real busy lately. A lot of design work on hand and the datelines are killing. Actually at this very moment, I should be rushing for my work before the art director started to chase me. Just thought of updating my blog before I get really stuck with work. Plus, I need to pour out some disgruntlement that trapped inside my mind. From life to work, from work to relationships, from relationships to friendships, from friendships to blah blah blah. In short, I just need to talk.

I really hate this girl in my company. Luckily I am only an “intern” and prolly ending my internship within 2-3 weeks later. What I can say is she’s just another bitch next door. I can’t stand her. So, shit curse to the max and *tutt* her. Enough said.

But apart from having dreadful times in the office, I did enjoy my weekend very much. Stayed with fang and jenqtat for 3 days & 2 nights. Went to Ikea, One-Utama, Sg. Wang, Low Yat plaza, KL plaza for shopping spree. Sunday lunch was at KimGary. Oh my, I had lunch and dinners at KimGary for three times in a week already. So you could see in your mind's eye why I am always broke. Nothing can be done, as I really love and relish in eating good food.

We chatted the first night away and the second night we indulged ourselves into mahjong game for 9 hours. SIAL. We also fed each other with gossips, thoughts, visions, feelings, etc. What a girlish thing to do with the guys but I enjoy it so much or at least it helps a lot in getting to know and understand them more. Jenqtat is excusable as I only got to know him about a month ago but Fang-my best friend for years seem to have a huge gap in between our friendship.

I am not sure if this is a silly word to say or what but it just that he always seem to keep every single thing to himself. Never really open up to share, even if he does it would be skimming the surface of en edge. Last times when our circles of friends haven’t broaden up; I could feel he is always there for me and we just share every single thing. We joke, we bitch, we gossip. Although now we still doing these but surprisingly the current state of feelings that I am enduring seem to pullback of being too close. Is it because I am attached and this means I should not be this close with my guy best friend anymore? I really don’t know. My understanding towards him seems to be reducing. Maybe it is just the fact that he has another bunch of friends where he could confide in. Sigh. Hate what I am feeling right now. I shouldn’t be worrying about thing I am prohibited to worry because friends do come and go-> I have been reminding myself all the time about this phrase.

The SURREAL Darkness...

The day was so-so only. As usual, I would and should trash in complaints after complaints about my internship in Sil Ad but today I am not going to spill a word out about it. Not to mention about the boredom ness that almost slaughter me.

Previously the hard work I have chucked in a Nokia Newsletter Project finally paid off. I received two notebooks, a steel box with a military-looking sunglass inside and finally an army greenish bag. All from Nokia and branded Nokia. Amongst all the gifts, I prefer most is the bag. I’ll post these complimentary gifts pictures when I know how to operate this blog thingy, alright? It’s like so “ngam”. Remember there is an input in the blog saying that I saw a new bag that I wanted to get and here’s a bag being delivered to me and it is FREE. The difference is just the brand and this bag has more value than those others that you could purchase from the shopping precincts. I worked hard, so hard, you know, and now this bag earns a bit or less about my chapter in life. A lot of tears, sleepless nights, head jamming and tiring journeys but this gifts just won’t compensate the things I have forgo. A lil bit of anger started to lit up whenever I think about this project.

I was supposed to have this agreement on getting an internship from Ogilvy One once this project is accomplished but all out of a sudden, they cast me off from the internship list and it really infuriated me. The very lame excuse they depicted out is they can’t afford to take in so many interns at once. It is only three of us that were chosen for the project so you could actually picture out the whole thing. I may not be their well-expected copywriter but hey, bear in mind that I am not a copy-based student and I did learn so hard in order to give out the best I could to make the project happen. I felt being used and being put aside when I no longer useful to them. But hearsay, Ogilvy doesn’t pay their interns and at first I thought the company I am currently working in is very stingy as they only fork out rm300 each month for the interns but my whole perceptions totally altered now. You know what I call this? The surreal darkness in a big company. The method they apply in the market is the epitome of just-use-and-throw and they done this obliquely. *Applause…Applause*

Irrefutable kind of human nature- BiTcHiNg!

Just done with my design tasks given by my boss. Didn’t put in all my effort inside. Ain’t so sure what is happening to me lately. I just can’t quit complaining about how boring my life is and how free am I in the office. Surprisingly when piles of design workloads was set in front of me today, I eventually don’t feel like doing anything but right in the end, I did accomplish the given tasks. Done in a very inadequacy sort of creativity and quality. Today working time ended at 10 pm something and in this advertising line, it somehow implicates the meaning of early actually. Hardcore, right?

My mind is being swamped away by numerous of things at the moment. Future, relationships, family, friendships, etc. I seemingly to put myself at the very wrong place all the time and my life is so juggling, anticipating to search for the right path to follow. Damn. So many question marks and yet so many concealed answers.

There is one question that I have long to be acknowledged with. How deep one’s relationship can sink into? I have been with Wyman for almost 4 years and to be perfectly accurate, it’s 3 years 7 months 8 days. Our relationship that has encapsulated all the ups and downs of being together and not deserting our silly arguments and fights either verbally or physically has taught me so much in life. Glad to mention that this relationship has really put me through a whole process of observing and appreciating people and things in life. Thanks, Wyman. Although there are times when you really put me off from my frame of mind, I will be really empty and cold inside without you. Thanks once again for everything, especially your presence. Sorry for bitching you in front of my mates whenever we squabble but do believe me that it helps a lot in reducing inner dissatisfactions toward others. Well, I not only bitch about my own boyfriend, dad and mum also included, and friends are the most common theme to be bitched about. I just can't quit bitching about others and sometimes I do bitch about myself. Weird, right? Guess this just some irrefutable kind of human nature. *Grin* Wait, the conclusion of this questionaire is not wholly about bitching but how could a relationship be submerged right at the bottomless of an ocean? If anyone has an answer, please do feed me so I could nourish my relationship with better understandings.

Oh yeah, decision is made. I’ll endure this weekend without going back to Ipoh. Have this plan of going to Ikea with Fang on either Saturday or Sunday. Hope I won’t be tempted to purchase anything. Pray hard, kay.

The stupid & money-minded CARMEN...

The weekend trip back to Ipoh was great. Got to watch Initial D on the Saturday noon and celebrated Wyman’s birthday at the nighttime. Well, Shawn Yue is so dazzling in the movie. *Drools…* He’s the MAN! (Laughing wickedly myself in the office)

Sigh, boredom struck again ever since I am back to KL this morning. If not I also won’t be spending my time to blog here. Miss benji heaps. Think I have really neglected him for quite some time. Should bring him go grooming and pamper with him with some munchies when I got my paid and that would prolly be next month. He shall do nothing but to wait patiently. However, lately I am so tight up with my financials, as my Mac Powerbook needs an upgrade too. It was unbelievably slow and the memory is certainly not enough for my design course. Called and asked Kenny-the MAC sifu today, and he told me the upgrade would cost rm450. Damn.

The other day, was window-shopping alone in KLCC, saw a bag I damn like and it costs approximately rm250 and also wanted to change my handset since last month. DAMN…Everything I like surely cost me a bomb. Sigh over and over again, I just wish money could grow on trees. Plus I have just spent another rm130 for a Levi’s tee and two birthday cakes for Wyman on his birthday. Gosh. I have over-spent AGAIN. I actually left 300 to outlive the whole month of July. Hate it so much when I am broke. Well, once again, who actually likes to be broke, huh?

Today workloads were rather overwhelming. Stupid me. I overwrote my design files and ended up I have to rush up my three-days-took-to-complete-design into a 10 minutes-sure-die-rush-up design. Some parts are not well cropped and some of the colors damn “jeng”. Sigh; hope my boss won’t notice my clumsiness and also the mistakes. I don’t really want to leave a bad impression towards him. But then, I really don’t understand why he will only appears whenever I done silly things or mistakes and when I have the flaming passion in designing a what-so-ever, he would either absent to work or went out to meet clients. Moody now.

Wish I were back to Ipoh again. Hey people, don’t start shit cursing me about being so homesick where the fact is I just came back from Ipoh this morning. I just love plain love IPOH. Referring to the fact that I have just over-spent this month, I afraid that I might suffer insufficient cash to go back Ipoh. The trips charges made me headache. People, I want money and I need money.

...Clubbing brings JOY... *(An expired post)

Please…Anyone… DO KILL ME! I am so god-damn-ridiculous-bored…Never in my stage of life, I have felt this way. Waking up at 7am during weekdays just to drive to work and getting stuck in traffic congestions for like an hour just to reach my working place. Gosh. I nearly got myself and the passengers (friends who followed) killed for twice just because I can’t focus wholly to my driving. There is none other than the reason of sleep deprivation. Thanks to that Mr.Lim Qian Fang’s TVB drama series. However, without those I won’t be able to survive the nights all alone. Once I got to work, I’ll sit and online and read newspapers and repeatedly doing the same thing over and over again till 6pm so I could go home. Every day’s lunch is none other than mamak food. This sort of sickening working culture will only ends in a month later. Plus, I am too lazy to loiter around during night times due to my working time schedule. Damn it.

In spite of this, things aren’t this bad after all. I still manage to go back to Ipoh every single weekend without fail. Big-big hugs and berry-berry smooches to my very understanding grandma and aunt that is so kind enough to persuade my parents to let me stay in KL during weekdays and weekends in Ipoh. The travel expenses are quite costly and the trips are freaking tiring but to me, it does worth a lot. At least, I get to meet Wyman and spend some quality time together although at times he would ditch me off for his football games and me ditching him off for my shopping sprees with my mates. So, it is a fair play!

Wyman's birthday is really NEAR. 3 July. Already passed him his birthday present. Got him a pair of 35th adidas anniversaries series superstar. Cost me more than 300 bucks but knew he will drool all over for the gift and hell yeah, he did drool. Planning to throw a birthday party for him but thinking back he didn't even seem to do anything and care for my birthday, I think I'll just greet him only-lah. I always learn to forgive but never forget. TOO BAD HOR? Will see how. Can't promise a thing also. Actually wanted to upload pics to this blog but using mac and the system doesn't have sufficient applications to download. Sigh. So troublesome ler...

*Last Saturday night was a great night. For the very first time having to see both my best friends, Regina and Fang, indulging themselves with liquors in y2k. Their pinkish + drunkish faces look so retard especially there’s a scene where Regina hugging the lamppost. I also bumped into a long lost friend who is also my high school crush in the pub and he doesn’t seem to recognize me at all. I don’t blame him; he has last seen me for about 5 years ago? I felt bad when I was talking to him and checking out my boyfriend simultaneously to ensure he is not fixing his sight towards me. It was a quick chat. That’s it. Nothing big and I also don’t want to upset Wyman about my history. When the night almost came to an end, Wyman was awfully drunk and he begged me for a ciggie. I am not an intolerable girlfriend after all and I let him smoke that night. Though I really hate it when he smokes but I know once in a while, I just need to give and take. By the end of the night, Wyman was too drunk to drive and I took over the wheels. Manual car. Challenging. Don’t worry, accident-free.

*- I haven’t own a blog yet when this happened. But would really love to share this piece out and the moral of this story is Clubbing brings JOY!-> Just goofing, kay!

Marriage-> What a thinking...

My very FIRST TIME blogging! Ain't sure if I will have the passion to blog everyday but as for the current state, it is good enough to put me off from sleeping in the office. I wonder if I could ever survive these two months of internship. However, two weeks passed by already and here am I, still breathing and kicking. So assuming that I should and will be doing just all right.

My mind now seems so unsettled yet and tangling with myriads of confusions. I am so confused about my future. After going through two weeks of working life- I found out I don't quite suit the working time and also the culture. Very stressful. Everyone is chasing after datelines and the workloads are so overwhelming. I really doubt if I could do well and earn myself a fortune in this field. Plus I don't label myself as a very creative person because I always run out of ideas and I am just plain LAZY...It's impossible for me to stay in this line if my time management is still this bad. Gotta work out something...

The other day, marriage fantasies suddenly crossed my mind. Yes, I know I am just 20 but this doesn't mean I don't have the rights to think about it and my most own-self-thought-appropriate-marriage-year is still age 26. Six years from now. Plus, my boyfriend's friend just got married last Saturday and the incident flickers my mind to start the planning now than just waiting for the right time to happen. It doesn't have to be a grand wedding but it has to be good enough to receive everyone's blessings. When I brought up this topic to my boyfriend, Wyman, yesterday night..we seem to have completely different mindsets. It really cut down my hope for that. Well, who knows maybe in the future I will be marrying to someone else and I am not surprise if I am staying single till I get old-> but of course I don't wish that to happen to me. After all, life is so unpredictable. Sigh... Let's just drop off this issue for the time being. If years and years later I still blog and for those who still checking my blog out, then most probably I'll feed you with an answer.