This time going down to KL, traveling in the same old “Plusliner” bus…the feelings and thoughts are different already. The happy weekends I had for the past 9 months has finally taken its toll. I am being picked up from the bus station by another person, no more the guy I truly in love with, waiting in his car waiting for my arrival.
My current EX-boyfriend (I still have problems telling people he is already my past tense) is not returning my stuff back to me and I really wanted to get back my smelly pillow so much. So I made arrangement with his colleague to get back stuff that belongs to me. Which so I did, meeting his ex colleague the next morning. I so wanted to cry again when I threw a question to his colleague upon returning those stuff…”Why…Why things has ended this way?” I know answers could be shitty and I don’t need those reasons anymore. The replies could be, “Hey, life still goes on…I’m just an outsider…blah blah blah”. This is so predictable.
I didn’t get back my iPhone. I wanted to be generous enough to just give him that damn phone but I can’t. The iPhone purchase is tight with 24 months of contract which my paid is still being deducted monthly until July 2011. If I planned to quit work, I need to fork out another RM500 and the remaining balance of the pay deduction back to my company. It’s a great amount of cash. Being generous and being stupid is just a matter of one’s perspective. Let’s say if something bad has happened to me, be it real will this ex boyfriend come to the rescue and lend a helping hand…I can now tell everyone firmly, he won’t. I seek the truth myself and the truth hurts deeply.
By how much I had loved this man and by how much I am still in love with this man, I know there is only one word I could tell myself. STOP BEING SO NAÏVE.
It is time to wake up and look at the things around myself clearly. No matter how you had tortured yourself, playing with your life with wrist cutting, skipping meals, being an alcoholic, smoking, etc. He has decided to leave and so he has left. Yes, I hated my ignorance towards his advice, I hated the tempers and tantrums I put on him when he wanted to make our distance relationship so much, I hated myself so so so much for allowing myself to have love him whole heartedly. I know love knows no right or wrong, love is also not a donation. I can't possibly force him to take me back and we will work things out. I don't know. I am just at crossroad once again. All alone. :(
Takashimaya Osaka: of Mascot and History
-
I hope you find my previous article on Kyoto Takashimaya S.C. helpful. If
your travels take you to Osaka, let...
2 weeks ago
5 comments:
during our life span, we would encounter such crossroads more than once. make your own decision don't let others make decision for you. you can only absorb suggestions from others but the decision is always in your hand.
there are only 2 paths at the crossroad : the bad way, which you give up entirely of yourself
or the hard way: where you fight back, do what you want to do, do what you havent do, love and be loved. if you ever make it out of the hard way, trust me, the past is forever behind you.
do not demand too much of yourself but improve as you go. someone will be there to take your hand and lead you to the right path, for that someone might not be your lover, nor your dad nor your relatives. someone whom you trust wholeheartedly.
my dear, do without regret or regret what you did not do.
I wish I have more than what I could offer to myself or to others. I wish I don't need to trap within this pile of shit. I wish I have the magical power to "erase" and to re"paste" only happiness in my book of life.
dear,i want to know u more,so i try to read your blog,hope u dun mind,when i read your every single blog,i pray 4 u,even sometimes i feel hurt like u too,maybe i try to imagine if i m u,how?BUT i start to learn from u when u say : WAKE UP,i can feel a new smell,new look,new style,new life from u,like u said end : All alone :(,No,not alone,i with u,dear,like my name : YNWA,means You'll Never Walk Alone!
love,
david
if everyone can wish our problems away, there would be no point living. president obama would wish that osama bin laden doesnt exist and osama would wish USA would sink into the ocean.
life is full of challenges to better ourselves. you are not in a pile of shit, you are just in a transition. give yourself sometime to cope with it. i have tons of work in front of my desk everyday, at times i do feel like giving up but at the end of the day, you'll feel great knowing you have complete your task.
im still waiting for your "happy" blog
Post a Comment