Pre- Birthday Suprises

Just as I thought bonus was so little this year, I was so wrong. Upon my contract renewal, I got in total of 3.5 months bonus in my pay slip. I nearly went bonkers looking at the e-pay slip from my HOTS account today. So triply happy that I could finally shop till i die! But cannot! Almost half of the May's salary should be paid off to my credit cards payment, my insurance installment (monthly i am paying RM650...CRAZY SHIT), car installment, dad and mum and granny and my brothers too, etc. I have too many commitments and so little boyfriends to ease my financial burden. LOL.

Well, I have a pre-birthday celebration with my colleagues this year at K box. It's a complete rare thing as I don't normally celebrate my birthday with anyone but my boyfriends (Okay, they are all my ex now) and also my best friends, Yin Theng and Qian Fang only and both of them now are just too occupy with themselves…One with family and one still stuck in UK. I’m still glad that there are people who would just fork out time and effort in making me happy. Many many thanks to, Eliza, Melissa, Clara, Crystal and also one my ex, Wyman, who turned up in the end. Though it's not something big but I do enjoy the gathering session. Hahaha. Love you all heaps! Yay... I also got to choose my own pressies...


miniatures shower gel from The Body Shop


baby tee from Guess


Points to note: The pre-birthday celebration isn't a surprise but the bonus paid is!

I haven't got the pics from Eliza so no image upload on the sing K's moment for now.

My Maxis My Way

I have just done a presentation today on an open topic of “Customer Satisfaction”. Only a few know by how stressful I was for the past two nights burning midnight oils for preparing myself for the talk and also to work on the slides so that they look presentable. FYI, I don’t have enough time at all for this assignment. Being awake at wee hours like 4 to 5 am is not a rare thing, I used to do that during my college days and what I can’t expect is that I am still doing that during my working life.

However, I’m all good now. Presentation is over and I assume it went pretty well and even much much better than I expect it to be because my boss ended my presentation with a word of compliment. He said Excellent instead of it is fairly good or just plain good. Muahahaha. He wanted to sell me to the management; in another word, he is actually trying to convert me to a permanent staff upon my employment contract renewal which is tomorrow. I was told I don’t need to go through all these hassles if I were to accept the offer earlier by transferring to KL. In Northern region centers, conversion from contract to permanent could take up 5to 6 years of tenureship with Maxis and Central region offer more as the turnover is high. Management is strict so I don't want to pressure myself so much and slap myself with disappointments. So I can only hope for the best to happen.


This pic is taken last year in March. Don't know where the recent pics went...Missing those less pressure work ambience back in Maxis Jalan Kampar. How time flies...


My best buddy @ baby...It is not easy at all to have someone that could click so well with you and have so many things to share or gossip even after working hours. LOL.Yeah, "us" still clad in our uniforms...

Some answered queries

My employment under Maxis is based on contractual renewal annually. In fact, I am going to be renewed as a customer care consultant again for the second time which marked a verity that I have worked for Maxis for two whole years already and counting on. I still remembered going to work in Maxis on the very first day, those kan-cheongness feelings as I am not originated from customer service field. Fearing that I may not cope well and the drastic job changing again but then to see where I stand now, I have positive answers to all the queries.

Everything changes so much. Being in college and being at work, it has surely draws a huge difference in life. Unlike college days where I can chose to be ignorant on certain things and at the current working life now, I have learned so much by taking accountability on all the things which I have said and done. By looking back, then only I have come to a point that I indeed have grown so much. I don’t mean by my body size..Okay? It is about my mentality-wise.

I even gained more in relationships; I know the importance of proper communication between partners than just throwing tantrums. With all the previous relationships that “tak jadi-jadi”, I am still able to commit myself wholly to another new relationship which I think I really need to salute myself on that.

Empty Room

I thought I won’t be meeting bf this weekend as he got some test drive event going on at his work place but I did. Not in a good cause though.My maternal grandma, Gu Po, (My grandfather has two wives! She is the second one as my grandma, Po Po, is the first wife) has passed away on Wednesday in KL and she was suffering from cancer since year 2006. It wasn’t much of a struggle to her as claimed by my godmum, the deceased’s daughter. Hence I need to be in KL to pay for the last respect and assigned to fetch my mum and her siblings back to Ipoh as they travelled down a day earlier than me.

Just got back to Ipoh about 5 hours ago. Tiring trip…but I really enjoy meeting up with my bf although I’m very much engaged with the funeral stuff and all. If every chances is given to me to be with my bf, I think I definitely would opt to go for it. I don’t know what both has compromise or done, it just that I could feel eagerness inside the both of us that we just can’t get enough of each other and the feelings just grow stronger each day. Perhaps only me lah!

Here am I now blogging my night away, back to Ipoh, back to my own bedroom, lying on my own bed with the only companionship of my stuff toys and pillows…Felt a room of emptiness tim. Really miss having him beside me before going to sleep and waking up the very next day. It’s like he is ever ready there for me, be it physically or mentally. How I wish for the moment where I am able to have him with me all the time but I strongly believe that sweet moments don’t last eternally. I have always hated changes and I don’t want to lose whatever I am having now. Both…him and my feelings.

Dumb or Smart?

Another awesome weekend has just spent rightfully. Took a bus down to KL and have my bf to pick me from the pudu station. He bought me Krispy Kreme donuts! We went for the Angel and Demons movie at Pavillion. The movie is a film adaptation of Dan Brown’s novel and to be truthfully honest, I think how the story was told in novel is so much nicer.

Bf has showroom duty on Sunday, so he dropped me off at KLCC for me to meet up Jason Chan for lunch. I made Jason borrow me his Futurama DVDs. LOL. Yup, I’m a fan to it but not that fanatic though. He put those DVDs into a red paper bag that marked “Inner Secrets”; I think he did that in purpose! Went for a short walk and window shopping until 1 plus before I decided to follow bf back to his showroom and rot as Jason needs to rush home for his presentation slides. The lunch we have in Chilli’s was a bit heavy, not only the portion but the topics we shared. Thus I always have issue going out with smart people, they always made sound and look like a dim witted which I apparently I think I’m not one, am I? Note: I have a dumb bf thus we lead a very happy life!

Candidly, my bf is not blessed with good looking features or a well-built tanned body with six packs but there is something I can’t deny about him. It is the little imperfections that complete the whole of him. I may have better options in finding a richer boyfriend, a boyfriend that stays nearer and can keep me accompanied for 24/7, etc, but he is just being himself from the very beginning and the guy who I enjoy being with since Day One.

As bf wanted to go back Ipoh for some sales follow up, I need not to take bus back and have horribly tiring hours traveling in bus. Along the journey inside the car, we talked a lot about our ex. It’s funny that we still have so much to share about our ex because when we first met, I was already very excited and told him almost every single thing about me and Uncle Wong and he also showed me pics taken with his ex in Bali and chatted a little about her. But i seriously need to thank his ex for dumping him and also Uncle Wong for hurting me. If not, we won't be where we are at
now...So is it a bad thing that we still have the ex issue running around our minds or a good thing that we are open enough to share about everything and our ex now won’t affect a thing to what we are having now? I hope we are on the good side of it. I always hated feeling low and small if comparisons are made between the ex and me.

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My bro lansi me with his newly tattoo-ed leg. No respect langsung! His tattoo look so common and so ah beng type lah.


I tattoo-ed myself using parker pen while waiting for bf to finish his work


This has nothing to do with whatever i just blogged, just that Eric got me these strawberries and brought them to office on Monday and claimed they can cure flu. See...people really think I'm dim witted. But the strawberries damn jeng...Thanks wei!

Yours truly

Obviously I didn’t mention at all that I bumped into Uncle Wong last two weekends in Kinta City Jusco, right? So, I did. I was at the entrance waiting for my bf for his ciggie session then saw one helluva figure with well-dressed lady clad in white walking by, then suddenly Uncle Wong emerged from behind and to find out that girl actually came with Uncle Wong. I called his name out and Uncle Wong somehow looked kinda surprised and replied me with a “Hi” awkwardly. I bet he’s trying to hide something from me. The girl, perhaps?

Well, this entry is not to tell how happy I was to have actually met up Uncle Wong by coincidence or how sad was I to see him dating other girls…But but but…A thing I am proud of myself now, that I don’t seem to really bother about him and I don’t throw questions after questions to myself about the both of us any longer. Hooray!

What can I say about and my current bf now? At this very moment and this very second, I can be proudly to say and maturely to tell him that, I do love him heaps and I am not ashamed or afraid in conveying this fact…

PS: I LOVE "AH BOU" VERY MUCH TOO...LOL

One month plus plus jor lu...

Specially dedicated to my bf, Laikokkeong :)

So, we have been together for a month plus plus “jor”. I really have seriously thought of staying single and mingle around for at least half a year before committing myself to another relationship. I have also told myself for the zillion times ever not to allow myself to fall hopelessly in love ever again. I have even been contemplating to only start a relationship when I think I have finally got all over Uncle Wong…I wanted to make it fair for my another half to own me completely. It sucks when you are with someone whom you may love dearly and that person actually still stuck with the ex shadow and issues which will make you insecure at all times.

Liking you at the very first place is not something I choose to be, the feelings just came very naturally and very much uncontrollable. But then, I have chosen not to avoid the fact that I really like you and decided to take risks being with you. Yes, I have qualms in believing and committing again in this thing called “relationship”, I feared so much of hurting you and you hurting me as well. I have uncertainties too that Uncle Wong has not been totally removed from my mind and life and it is close to impossible to have someone erased from one’s life completely. It could be the same to you towards your ex. You may also have her crossing over your mind every now and then, right? Some more you have taken almost a year to recover from the hurtful break up and that also not completely healed, right? I am still struggling and learning every single day to allow myself to love without cautions as like my all time fav-phrase…Let’s keep “love” as simple as ever…Do not dilute the purest out of it. But we humans are the complicated ones and through us, our acts and actions have cause love to have its complexities.

I won't give you any promises but I will try my best to do my part like what you have been doing all this while to make me happy...

Hugs,
Me with doubts still.

This was actually written on 07 MAY 2009 and was kept as draft on my workplace pc dekstop until today. I'm a slacker in almost everything. :) Yes, certain things never change.

No second thought. :)

I made a very impulsive decision. After my yoga class today, I drove straight off to Medan Gopeng to purchase to and fro KL bus tickets from Plusliner. Without much hesitation some more. I think I really miss him more than ever. Love the feelings to bits... :) I don't need to wait for two weeks to meet my bf, in fact I'll be going to meet him this coming Saturday. Even though it's only going to be a mere 24 hours meet up but I care not.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Can’t agree more with this. I tend to miss and often caught myself thinking about him at most times. That feeling makes me want to be with him and well, I do wish I could be with him every single day. My bf is back for the weekend and as usual, happy moments passed way too fast and now he’s back to KL again. Sigh…Knowing that I won’t be seeing him for almost two weeks as he is scheduled for showroom duty this coming Sunday really makes me feel terribly depressing.

I really thought of making an impulsive decision to get myself transfer to KL so I could be with him. In fact, I was offered for a promotion and needed to be transferred to Maxis Centre Sunway in KL. I rejected that because I’m financially tight down with my commitments and also its way too sudden. To be honest, I really did scare myself for having such a thought. Luckily it is only contemplation and not an immediate action. If I were to do so, it has proves something significant which is, I really really in love with this guy which I try not to. I’m not trying to go against my own feelings but I really fear of the downfall. The broken heart, the tears, the scars…I never wanted to go through that heartbreak again!

I am too afraid to lose with what I have got now which is him. Too afraid to love unconditionally that I will get hurt in the end. I know love shouldn’t be this way but I am just too afraid that I may fail in this relationship too…My inner guts is eating me inside out. I don’t want to be involved in any fruitless relationship anymore as it is a total time wastage, I also know that sometimes things may not work out exactly we wanted it to but I really wish I could find someone who worth being together.

A MMS my bf sent last two weeks, spot the fading rainbow? Why every beautiful things is so short-lived, huh? And because of that, we tend to appreciate more, don't we?

Money matters

Mum suddenly threw me a question yesterday night asking me if I’m already attached. Isn’t it obvious that I have brought him home to stay overnight? I felt a bit offended, it’s like my own mum have doubts on me whether I am speaking the truth or not. I’m not a person that would simply bring guys home because I understand well the consequences of the guys may know too much about my dark secrets. Lingerie lying everywhere in the room, excessive of clothes jam-packed in limited space inside the wardrobe, boxes of cards and letters ever since primary, etc and there’s only one word to sum it all…messy bedroom. What some more it’s a GIRL’s bedroom. LOL. There’s even someone who offered to clean up my room for me- it is the lamest excuse ever to come up with. He just wanted to get into my pants and I ain’t that dumb.

Work has been over-piling lately; I have been thrown back to service counter rather than being a greeter in Maxis. Hence, need to do a lot of follow up cases, handling complaints, billing disputes; calculating waivers…I seem to find back interest in my job. Or at least I don’t feel like changing to any other jobs at the moment. Looking at the global market now, Maxis is impacted in some ways. I am earning less compared to the previous year whereby boss has been disapproving overtime submission, bonus I received didn’t made me go “whoa!!!” but “hah???”, no increment, etc. All this while, my financial is always okay. I got to spend on whatever without much contemplation or consideration. Maybe I have boyfriends (they are ex now) who seem to pay for all my expenses. Every month I have excess of cash to spend on unnecessary but lately my financial is so tight.

Ever since I chosen to be single and moved back home, I need to fork out a lot of money for my family. Sometimes I do get fed up with their demands, if I have the cash I don’t mind giving but it won’t hurt for you people to go out and earn some money to contribute to the family as well, right? I just wish that my younger brother would come to the senses that I am not an ATM machine and he really needs to find a steady job with a proper pay than just being a leech sucking out money from my mum and I. Dad also should cut down on his drinking expenses as money doesn’t flow in as easy and much as old days, I really hated it so much when family argue over money issues which is like now, my own family have so many heated arguments on this issue. So disappointing and lost at words. I was ignorant before this simply because I was staying with Uncle Wong. I also have thought of moving back to KL since current bf is there but I know it will only make the matter worse. Sigh…Enough of bitching about my family, unlike friends or boyfriends which I can choose to keep or let go, family should be the closest bond to oneself so I just got to accept the fact and live with it. Luckily I am a girl still that I need not to support the family ENTIRELY...Being a self-centred me could just buried my head down and flee from problems as always. I think I really need to buck up on self responsibilites and change for good...


My family (This pic is taken on Dad's last year birthday- dinner at Kampai 07/11/08- The only family shot after so many years back)

The Weekend Date

Another 28 hours being together…As exactly like last weekend, the period of time being together is so coincidentally same. I seem to fell in love with weekends more than anything else already. We try to chunk in every single thing couples would do in that particularly 28 hours…trying to compensate those weekdays where we don’t get to be together. Last weekend we went for Sam Poh Tong, this weekend we took a walk at Pologround. Sometimes both feel very out of mind ending up places like these but I guess it doesn’t matter that much as I really enjoy his companionship. We even took sticker photos at Kinta City Jusco and yes, we have problems operating that machine thingy…

The randomness’ stuff:
• cuddling moments in my bedroom (he sneaks back to see me, so sweet!)

• barbeque at Fei Sam’s house (he scolded me there…I shall remember that)

• watched a movie “Wolverine X-men” and he tripped and nearly fell

• his ugly side outside my house (LOL…I know his dark secrets jor)

• Super Kinta’s pork chop rice

• taking sticker photos together (It has been ages ago since I’ve done that)

• Baskin Robbins (I asked for Chocolate, they gave me Mango Sorbet. Aduh!)

• camwhore-ing in his car and he purposely stopped the car for me to snap pics

• took a stroll at Pologround (he promised me kite-flying during his next trip)

• disco prawns (he complained I don’t peel the drunken prawns for him)

• Sidewalk’s ice cream (eventually he brought all his girlfriends there before)

Reminiscing these blissful moments made me misses him much more than ever. I can’t believe that I can be so happy being with this man. It’s like another fairy tale dream where you wished you never need to wake up at all. Yes. Love should be this way. No hesitations, no complications and no questions, it should be as simple as ever…but back to the real fact, all these only happens in the beginning of every new relationship…hahaha. So sad but true.

I want my bf ahhh!

It’s already 2.30 in the morning and here am I, in my very own space of blogging. Prolly about two hours ago, I ended the MSN conversations with my bf and a couple of friends thinking I do need enough rest for work later at 8.45am and also hoping I could get up at 6.15am for gym with Kensim. However, looking to a point that I am still wide awake now…I so going to be a walking corspe. LOL

Keeping a distance relationship is really a challenge. Although KL and Ipoh is only distant with a 2 hours drive, it is still a matter that he can’t be with me whenever I wanted him to be. Every day I have been waiting impatiently for weekends to come so that I could meet up with him and spend time together. Luckily there’s still internet connection that we can webcam and MSN. Or else…I would kill anyone who tries to block every opportunities given to meet my bf. Sounds desperate and freaky, right? Well, just kidding la.

I really miss my bf. 16 more hours to go for my bf to come into my sight…The clock seems dead and how I wish I could fast forward the time to 6pm and stop the time from ticking once he’s back, so I need not to let him go back to KL again on Sunday…I will have to wait for another weekend to come again for the next reunion. So sad case, right? But maybe because of the lack of meet up opportunities, we tend to appreciate each other more. Is it a bad thing or a good one now? Tell me please…