Hidden Motive

I suggested going to KLCC to my group members for some packaging hunting. Okay, I lied. The group project outing was just a wrapped up excuse. My main motive is to do some shopping on outfits. I haven’t been buying nice clothes for quite a while. The very last time I spent on clothes was just a body fitting black tee from Adax that only cost me rm10. So, serious shopping is on-the-go. By the end of the day in KLCC, I just ended up with a cropped velvet cardi from MNG, rm119. Helped Yin Theng bought the same cardi but turquoise color. The shopping spirit died when I discovered the amount left inside my bank account because I have over-used rm200 advance of my allowance for the coming month. *Grumble...Mumble...* Resulting serious shopping down to the drain. However, am still glad that I bought the cardi top. I love it so much. The design, The fabric material. The color. Gosh…A must have item to every girl’s wardrobe. I have borrowed my digicam to Chew, so visual update about this cardi top must be postponed some time later. Think I am wearing it to sleep every night. :p blerks!!

My Power Color is Lime Green. Crap or Fact?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Often keep myself pondering if all these quizziez thingy are true enough to speak about myself...
It sounded so true (at least to my own perspective-lah) but I can't be bothered as I always find myself
being so unsure and uncertain in things and my very own pace of life...
Well, I do have a life to lead and as I always mention: Life is random, shit happens...
I don't live by words but the inner soul of mine...
Think I am crapping in some ways...
However, I simply lurve the generated color..Lime Green..

Serious Money Issue

Finally my part time job being a “marketing consultancy” for Yun Nam Hair Care and Sensualite Body Slimming Centre ended yesterday. “Marketing Consultancy…?” Sounded quite professional, huh? Well, maybe I should scope it down and call myself a promoter instead. Lol. This sounded more like it. Not a heavy job though. Going around Giant Kelana Jaya, spotting for balding people and overweight women and bug them to purchase some promotional vouchers. I only got to sell off 2 vouchers and Bel sold 5 by the end of the days! Damn.

The paid was so-so only and the working hours are horrendously draggy. Starting work at 9.30pm and finishing at 10.30pm. A total up of 13 hours each day and I am earning merely rm90 for a day. What the fish?! Let’s just say I had a terrible money issue here, thus I desperately needed the job. No, I am not into serious gambling issue that I am surrounded by debts. Neither I spent all my allowance in clubbing issue or what-so-ever. I wanted to save the extra income for future planning. Okay, my future planning includes of wanting to get an I-pod Nano, O2 Xda Mini, a new wardrobe collection of Armani Xchange, FCUK and DKNY clothings, a new digital watch from DKNY, design books that tagged with unreasonable pricings and trust me that the list will just repeating itself on and on but all carries the similarity where each item definitely costs more than a few hundreds and all the way up to few thousands ringgit. All these mentioned items are so tempting that no one could actually turned it off from one’s mind. Or at least to me? So do comprehend that money is the biggest issue I am facing here. How I wish money will flow out abundantly and miracously just like opening the water tap. “Keep on dreaming, Carmen_U”-> Ghee, I heard voices from nowhere…

Apart from the lengthy working hours, I did have fun sitting all day long cracking jokes and munching down on snacks with Bel especially the T’Lekor and the Japanese biscuits. I even like it more that we managed to attend work late and going home early without getting caught by Hazel-> Our supervisor. She’s just 20 and sometimes she just acted so unbelievably naïve and obtuse. I don’t want to start a bitching session here so I decided to upload some pics taken together with me and Joan and Bel. :)

Ignore the quality of the pic. Using only camera phone-LAH! What to expect, huh?

Trying real hard to be CUTE!

Oooo...GaaaGaaa...

Honestly speaking, we were having some serious issues here

Look at those balding men and overweight women!!!

Am I a mocking bird?

Wyman and I were still in a non-talking term. No phone calls / sms. Fine with me. I loaded my weekend with a promoter job and heavy yumchar sessions with Bel. Saturday night was such a tremendous meaningful night. I was more than glad to discover the dirt truth about “him”. For some reasons, I don’t wish to speak about the truth. Don’t even get me wrong that I am trying to protect “him” or what else, just some shit happened in between. Period.

After work, went straight to Jane’s birthday party in Breakers, Hartamas. At first, I almost put myself to sleep due to the boring atmosphere and on-going house music. Quite a lot of people turned up for the party and free flows of liquors and beers. I didn’t drink because I need to drive home plus my driving license died edi. Met Ed there and that really turned me off from feeling good. However, the night was made greater with this cute guy’s existence. We exchanged eye contacts but it almost put myself in tears when I didn’t even know what is his name and he left for lok-lok and Atmos. At first he invited me to join him but but but…I was too hook up chatting with Julian. Gawd-DAMN! Regretted so much and didn’t understand why I turned down the offer. Slutty me! :p blerks…

Didn’t really hang out for long in the party. I followed Julian for a yumchar session and there we have major and minor chats about “him”. Don’t ask me why Julian suddenly emerged into the picture. It’s going to necessitate hundreds pages to elucidate. Julian’s friends joined Julian and I for yumchar session in Hartamas Square and they are so funny people till I laughed irrationally and almost pee in my own pants. Went through hell lots of funny incidents and conversations with them. They gave me a nickname, Mocking Bird. I was the laughing stock for the night. After Hartamas, we then headed down to Subang for another yumchar session and also met up with a girl named Carmen, Julian’s friend. Both of us, the Carmen-s, were in the midst of seriousness issue production. We bitched about “him”. I know this entry may leave everyone with myriad of question marks but I really don’t want to undisclosed the truth that much. Sorry peeps.

I got home at 5 in the morning, looking dreadfully awful with the mess-ed up make up. Hahaha. Continued with a bit of bitchings in MSN and finally dozed off at 7 am. Guess what? Need to wake up for my promoter job at 9am. 2 hours of sleep only. Yes, my bodyclock is undeniably TWISTED. Oh yeah, I miss that CUTE GUY and unfortunately, I miss Wyman too.

Carmen_U, a lost soul

I felt so crappy all out of a sudden. Sitting myself here all alone in Puchong waiting to kill my time away by blogging. As I continue to blog, I felt a glimpse of loneliness and emptiness in life. Had an argument with Wyman yesterday night. I almost forgot what we argued about but I am gawd-damn-sure it’s just some craps, which we totally disagree about. He ended up telling me he is sick with my attitude. Yeah, I am such a pain to his ass/anus as he is to me.

For some reasons in living, having to stay in a relationship for almost 4 years with Wyman are totally mind trafficking and a battleship to me. Incompatibilities of financial status, attitudes, interests, family backgrounds, etc and the list should just go on and on. It really worries me about “our” future or better said, my future. He’s already 25 and I am still clinging in the age of 20. We both want each other to be really committed and we even thought of marriage too. Not every guy is ready for such commitment, I realized. For example, the “him” I had mentioned once or twice in the previous entries.

However, I took a step backward from thinking further about marriage and our future planning anymore. In the case that we have so much to disagree about, why bother getting together in the term “forever” if we really can’t click and comprehend and tolerate with each other’s flaws. What disappoint me most is his disorganized ways of spending which lead him to a zero percentage of savings. How to have vision together when nothing is done? I don’t want to fork out another few years time in waiting for miracles to happen. How many youthful years I could offer out?

I don’t want to be in a life that tight down with payments, installments, etc. I hate being broke all the time, but then once again, who wouldn’t right? It just cut my heart deeply whenever the thought of breaking up jiggling around my mind. An intense feeling of selfishness and materialistic revealed in my inner self. I hate myself so much that I just wanted to end it most of the times. I swear that there are times when I really wanted to be with Wyman forever (of course, when we are in those lovey dovey moods) and there are just so many blockages. Life has never been fair. One of the reasons why I very often got lost in tracks of what I really want and need.

I felt so fcuk'd!

I went out with that “guy” for the second time. Another risk taken in my life, I supposed. I realized we could not click that well BUT somehow I am attracted to him. He is so into his own world of being an existentialist and he could goes on forever with his passion in pursuing existence. I blame him not for his devotion into art and philosophy but somehow it just surprised me with his brain cells that could think much more than anyone else does or at least he rises up among people that I know. I admit that I do admire him and look into him deeply.

No, I am not talking about having crush over him or what. I just have this urge or impulse of wanting to know more about him. However, I did try so hard to stop thinking about him and the remarks about life and art he poured out to me. Shit, he is just so influential. I ended up thinking so much about him because in that everyday of my life there is a minute or two his words cross my mind. I felt so sorry for Wyman and myself. I see myself turning into a slut and this is so not RIGHT!

It is the dumbest and stupidest thing I could ever think or feel for others especially “him”. My intuition has always been accurately true. I sense that he is a very easy-going type of person that would never clinch to any commitment or promises. Casual dating will be the best description to explain this. I remembered going through his friendster’s testimonial and saw this lil girl’s who only age 18 posted her love dedication through poem to him, so eventually it struck me hard. I don’t want to hurt others as much as I don’t want to hurt myself. “He” knows I am pretty much attached and yet he could sms me telling me how much he misses me and stuff. Craps.

On the first go, I really feel like accepting his casual dating offers but somehow I just backed off. I think I will miss him a lot as a person that I could look so much into sharing perceptions about arts and inspirations. He has seriously enlightened me a lot. I felt so fuck’d now. I didn’t know he could leave such an impact. Danny is just so right. I'll lose alot perhaps I'll even lose myself out if I really wanted to be in "his" game. Wake up, Carmen! You got to fight to regain back your consciousness! Don’t stray away!

Mooncake Festive

Had a wonderful mooncake festive celebration with Fang, Yin Theng, Suhairil and Chee Keat up to the Kledang hill. The best farewell we could offer to Suhairil, I supposed. Gonna miss him heaps when he’s leaving next Friday for his studies. The night up in the Kledang Hill was so much to be proclaimed as just plain memories. It has portrayed out a bond, a strong and real bond of friendships I could ever attained from them. We goofed around and snapshot a lot of pictures for remembrance. Believing that fate has brought us together, can anyone imagine the possibilities of having few individuals bumping into each other and becoming friends as the world consists thousand millions of all human kinds and and and and additionally…we managed to build bonds!

Carmen_U got tangled up with confusions

I just came back from going out with a total stranger who I just obtained to know from MSN. We went to Putrajaya for lake view. He left me with a deep impression. He’s W.E.I.R.D. I hardly comprehend what is he talking about at times. He seems to be someone who has deep thoughts about life and himself. I have never encountered with such person before and once in while, surprises just arrived in package, I assumed. He influenced a lot in the way I used to think. He told me life shouldn’t be in a stable stage, it’s not normal. We’ll never learn and will never ever see the real surreal side of the world if we never leave our comfort soon. So, life should be volatized. However, I just found it is very difficult in understanding him. Maybe I am dumb? This must be the biggest explanation for the whole confusion. By the way, I saved his name as Lionel-The Serial Rapist. Nope, he did not sexual harass me or done anything to me. It’s just that the name suddenly popped out from nowhere. Yes, I am a very creative person and inspiration is every corner of the world. LOL.

Gosh, I think I am going to have a terrible migraine now. He is just too philosophical with his observation and the way he conceptualizes things. He drowned me with all these. I must admit I did look like a dumb blonde next to him. Wait...I am not a blonde…Erm, more like a dim-witted sapien to him. Can’t everyone in this whole wide world to have a simple thinking ever? Everyone just confuses me each day! WHY? I am so devastated with questionnaires again.

At this very minute, I thought I know what I want in life and I am contented with what I already got. At another minute, I got so unsure with things and troubled with finding my real self. What is happening to me? Why life has to be so confusing? By the way, I am chatting with him in MSN now. Hope I will get my answers from him.

I am crazee!

Christina abandoned me! I spent my whole weekend with Belinda in her crib doing assignments. Yes, I am a very “HARDWORKING” student. *Cough…cough…* Time spent on the industrial training report was dreadfully long and mind confusing. Having to dig back my memories all the way back to what had happened during the first day of internship till the end part of it! I think I crapped a lot or perhaps too much. Never mind about that because it has been completed and submitted.

Okay, there is something that I would like to highlight about my weekend stayed in Bel’s crib. Despite the lousy hours I spent on my assignment, I actually poured out more time to do lepak-ings with Belinda. Yes, I have a confession here. Over the weekend, I had two sushi meals, a “duck shit green” long skirt, two pairs of earrings, and a handset accessory for decoration purpose, a MAC eye shadow and also two necklaces for my peeps’ birthdays. These are okay still; at least I find the cash is well spent. There is this part where I took out rm15 to some I-bands show at Paul’s Place. I am not saying that they are not good but just a tad bit expensive for scoping only two bands playing. Sorry Mum and Dad, my cash is hitting the zero digits once more! I am so obviously draining my parents out.

By the way, Belinda also spent rm5 on a flying butterfly and she names it Annie-The-Guy-Butterfly. I see the point that generally my circle of friends is dominated largely with down syndrome, wacky and illogical sapiens. However, I really love them from the bottom of my heart up to the sky high high. Their rawking attitudes are ways better than having those “Gucci-Prada girls” to be my buddies. “They” irritate the hell out of me because I could hardly pronounce Salvatore Ferragamore and I ain’t sure if I had spelled it correctly or not. Grasp the point and know what I mean?? So, to people who seriously want a friendship from me, reveal yourself as retards. This is the basic requirement for a long lasting no bitching friendship offer I could ever give!

In a foreseen circumstance, I bumped into Voon (a college buddy of mine. She’s crazee!) with her super-love-to-be-scolded bf in Mid Valley. Finally, all these hurt and disappointment she has gone through from the previous relationships, this new guy here managed to make her surrendered back to the thing called “LOVE”. Awesome, isn’t it? I think she sure going to twirl that relationship into an abusive one. Hehe. Then I also did some daring stunt in Watson. I went and smacked Jeen and Belinda’s heads with Laurier sanitary pad. I know I sounded more or less like a psycho but believe me, it was fun.

Peeps, here’s some silly pictures you could indulge yourself into!

Regarded as the most "IN" trendy fashion for the year!

"Cacated" Posture

Belinda posing with Annie-The-Guy-Butterfly

The pregnant-ed Belinda

Becky with her unbeatable habit

Stuff that I have "cashed out"...

Uncaptioned

My previous countdown for National Day (2004) brought me shivers and fanatic delusion simultaneously!

Nothing big happened during National Day countdown. I was banned from clubbing with Soya just because I promised YinTheng to fork out my precious time to spend with her. Urgh! Never mind, the night wasn’t that boring. We walked to Jusco from Blu Café and my heels surprisingly didn’t hurt me this time. Yay, I am improving edi. Bought Baskin Robbins and walked back to Blue Café for dinner. It was like 10pm. The food was a tad bit disappointing. The mushroom soup wasn’t as cheesy as the first time I savored and the seafood spaghetti seems a bit tasteless. Never mind still, I have my Baskin Robbins Chocolate ice cream to compensate the downgraded dinner. The dull night continues to bloom in Rosa Café as Shirley and her man, CheeSeng wanna have a less noisy place to crap. Catch a glimpse of fireworks outside Rosa Café with YinTheng and Shirley. Okay, we did have some goofing fun in the end. Just that less calories burning activity. I have been sitting in different cafes for hours.

Was thinking back how did I celebrate the previous national day. Uhm, was stuck inside the traffic for 4 hours. However, Bel, Lips and me managed to catch the sight of the dazzling fireworks and bought those ribbon spray and started fanatical acts towards each other. It was FUN, minus the existence of Ed. I was more than glad in that particular year to have spent time with him but the more I think about him now, I could sense shivers down my spine. We started pretty fast and we ended pretty fast too. I have never been regretted so much in my whole entirely life to have “on” with him. I just don’t get it why will I ever fell for him? Did I really fall for him or it was just delusions? Every now and then I bumped into him in college, I dare not to look into his eye or his face. He gives me spooky feelings. I am very muchly contented with my life now with Wyman and hope I won’t be seeing Ed forever in my life. The history is just too disgusting to be revealed. However, having back Wyman make me realized so much of things in life, things that I don’t get to observe when we were together till we off the switch and on it back the second time, my vision then has came back to its conscious. Although we may squabble and start out heat arguments at times but life being with him has never made me ever feel regretted. Not even once.

This year countdown for National Day may not be something big but it somehow reminds me to feel lucky that I have finally grown from the past!