Between needs and wants

It has been two months after the break up; I’m thinking less about Uncle Wong day after day. My mind has been occupied with Heineken at most time! LOL. I’m just kidding. Ever since the break up, I wanted so much another person to take over Uncle Wong’s place so that I could get rid the hurt immediately. I have been constantly reminding myself that I do deserve someone ways better and also the break up is a right decision but I know it is not helping much.

I ended up hurting more guys in my life by giving wrong signals. By believing the fact that I should choose someone who loves me more than I do towards him could bring me total contentment. I did also try to convince myself to commit in a relationship where it could lead to marriage, simply because I wanted to get married. However I was too one-dimensional minded not to think about my own feelings or asking myself, “Is that what I need or is that what I want?”

For the past two months after the break up, I was very closely attached to this guy. He appears to me very caring and never fails to deliver whatever is promised. A complete opposite with Uncle Wong. I thought it is time for me to love less and be loved in most ways. Enough of being a good girlfriend role and it is time to be in control in a relationship just like before (when I was with Skeet). I was so wrong to allow him to my life and giving him a green light. Looking at things now, I really felt shitty. I just feel not that comfortable anymore with him…he is like giving me pressures and demanding for a relationship even though he has never verbally communicating that to me. Or maybe it is really difficult to try to be with someone whom you are not interested into. I know I am being really mean to only think about myself but you have to think for yourself before you could think for others. Am I right?

I think I really have been fair to him as I have told him so many times if I were to be with him so soon…he could only happened to be a rebound and he told me he doesn’t care. Well, so he was someone that I need to ease my hurtful moment and not someone I really want to be with on the long run. At first I do really want a right timing to tell this out to him and how sorry I was in taking him for granted without realizing it. But before I could lay a word on this, like what I have written in my previous entry on the “someone in particular”. Well, thanks for revealing your true self and I don’t think I owe you any apology now. I have enough of you and the embarrassment you given me through other people. I won't forget that.