Unutterable..

I am going nuts. Assignments can give you so many shitty of feelings at times. I have turned down numerous offers of hanging out sessions from friends just because I am so hooked with my design work. Not like I am hating it but design can really eat up all my time for myself. I need a break! So I went to Mid Valley and spent RM450++ in M.A.C on Friday with Christina to release my pressure. Tak jadi to upgrade my powerbook cause I ended up in M.A.C. not MAC Apple. LOL…Got myself a basic and limited set of make up brushes, an eyebrow pencil, cream blush pot, a dark brown eye shadow and a new make over by the make up artist there. Not forgetting I received a free M.A.C. bag and TWO glitter eyeliners. I got lectured so much about the before and after steps for make up and the do’s and don’ts and GUESS WHAT? I didn’t remember a thing right after I stepped out from the shop. It was so darn complicating. I really think I need classes for all these beauty thingy.

I was so obsessed with my new make over that I almost snapshot myself for a hundred shutters. Yes, I could be so vain at times. I then mms-ed Wyman, Fang and Yin Theng my new look and told them about the money I have flung in for the sake of feeling good. As expected, Wyman complained that I spend too much on unnecessary and very soon he predicted I will be broke for don’t know how many weeks. Well dear, I am already BROKE. Fang said the look seems good to him. Actually that pic didn’t manage to show me with make up but thanks for the compliment. I need to save down his words for future reference and history review as half of my lifetime knowing Fang; he has not been saying anything positive or good about me. On the other hand, Yin Theng simply knows the best. Perhaps we are GIRLS and eventually we have this mutual understanding of feeling great by looking good.


All these feeling good finally came to an end when I was back to my apartment. What else could be so frustrating besides assignments. Need to step down the pedal and accelerate for completion. However, there is a blockage for doing so. Received a call from Dad saying he has traveled down to KL just because he quarreled with Mum and I wasted hours to listen to their trash. I don’t mean I hated my Dad or Mum (I do hate her for so many times actually) but I just don’t want to get stuck in their arguments. I am not a mind-reader or a physiologist. Don’t expect me to help because I know it will be useless. Sigh…Don’t want to mention what happened in betweens, as I don’t want myself to remember. My family is just so indescribable. No words could bring out the contents within. We never have this strong family bond or understanding for each other. I love them lots especially my brothers, I just wish there is one fine day till right to the end, we will able to spend quality time and have good time being together just like other healthy families do. Thus I need to work hard to offer them and yet I am such a terrible spender. *Blush..Blush..*

Updates...

A summarized updates about my on-goings for the past 12 days

1. Went back Ipoh. *Grin….*
2. Watched Charlie & The Chocolate Factory with Wyman. Awesome.
3. Dawdle around Ipoh. Mainly about food.
4. Came back to KL. Boring!
5. Rushing for assignments.
6. Shopped in KLCC and spent only rm25 for my lunch and camera casing. *Proud*
7. College...College...College…
8. Followed Yihua back to Ipoh again.
9. Joined Soya and the gang for clubbing session. Embarrassed myself with heels and dress while the whole gang clad with
only tees and jeans.
10. Worked on weekends and earned myself rm170 for two offered jobs from Ivan (Wyman’s football buddy). Easy money and
easy tasks.
11. Pestering Voon to get me my biotherm facial cleansing sets ASAP as my skin needs to be revitalized badly. Those jobs
need to make up and my skin can barely breathe.
12. Movie with Soya. Bewitched. Turned out to be pretty okay only.
13. Came back to KL and rotting session begins.

The Prime Minister Visit

College has this branding packaging function today and managed to invite Abdullah Badawi @ Pak Lah, Malaysia’s current Prime Minister, to launch the campaign. Was selected by Lawrence, my previous semester lecturer for Design Studies, to welcome the Mr. Prime Minister. Thought it was such an honor to be the chosen one but ended up damn disappointing. Stood at the exhibition gallery for hours with killing heels and only got to see him for 10 minutes. But distance damn near-lah, one or two steps away only. Those aggravating reporters and photographers can and will never quit tracking on Pak Lah and scooping for more pictures and jotting down things he about to say. My vision became real blur when Pak Lah passing by the entrance. Imagine all those cameras flashing non-stop and what I mean here is 20 to 30 sets of camera flashes. I wonder how many cells of mine have they killed? By the way, can’t they just leave the old man alone??? Pity him kaw-kaw. Like celebrity nia. No privacy at all. Going out to the malls also need to contemplate for a long time and can never leave home without any bodyguards to accompany. What a life! I am so glad that I am just an extra ordinary girl who leads a simple life. To conclude, I am a boring person. Hahaha.

Besides the tiring hours standing at the gallery, I still manage to mingle around the gallery having snapshooting sessions with Christina, Sarah, and Xian. CK (my Illustration lecturer who I really adore and people commented we do look alike) slipped into the flashy sessions with funny poses. Gosh, I miss seeing him in class so much. After this tired-comes-along-with-fun day, I hurried back Ipoh. The haze is worsening. This also implies I won’t be blogging till Monday, I supposed. However, I am quite lazy to blog. Hell yeah, all the assignments keep piling up and keep pouring in. Headache-NYA!

It needs not to be this way

Guess what? I found a really reasonable reason to be back home again in Ipoh for this weekend. “The HAZE!” Yay!!! Read the air pollutant index online just now and my area Bandar Bukit Puchong also can claim as an area near Putrajaya happened to trophy the third place. Jenqtat (my new-found mahjong kaki) will be back to Ipoh also. This means certainly I’ll be sleep-deprived due to the mahjong chill out sessions. Gosh. Loving it. Wish Fang will be back as well. Hardly got the time to actually chill together.

My life in KL is unbelievably chaotic. Despite the haze, those truckloads of assignments seem not going real well. I am being left behind with sketches and research to do and my acclamation of work done is in ZERO percentage. Just still not in the mood for college and believe me, am going to college for the sake of attending only. If there is any award winning for the sluggish student of the year, undoubtedly my name will be the first listed. I just hate to slug through my college life like this but then once again, I don’t seem to have a choice. But heck it, I could have just mixed myself with all those groovy clubbing hot chics to chill and care not for my studies. Damn, I just can’t! Hanging loosely without sense of directions. *Went bunny hopping to break the tense*

If life gives you lemon, made lemonade and what I mean is lots and lots of them. -> This used to be the axiom of my life but then came a “more than a stranger, less than a friend” sort of person woke me up by rephrasing the sentence. He said if life gives me lemon, say FCUK to life and made orange instead. So inspiring hor?

Balik Kampong!

Went through another lip smacking weekend back to Ipoh. Got an offered free ride back to Ipoh from Thaya, my man’s best friend. Nothing can beats the trippy happy feelings whenever I am back to my precious hometown, IPOH. Apart from the weekend routine, which is eating out the whole Ipoh, I actually went snooker-ing with Wyman and Thaya and was banned from the game after 5 mins. Wore an inappropriate outfit and accidentally outshined my cleavage. Got lectured by Wyman. Neh, not like I purposely did that!

The whole weekend was real free from restrictions. No promises for supper-waiting sessions with my man. Simple because of Wyman has decided to abandon me aside and Thaya is back in town is the attached reason. Yes, I do envy the amount of attention he put onto his best friend. It wasn’t that bad actually, I know I am exaggerating. Hehehe. Oh yeah, I finally watched The Island and trust me, it is a good movie with sense-making plot. But heck it, Soya and the gang decided not to buy my words anymore because I recommended Seven Swords to them and they find it suckie. However, I still think the movie is good and interesting. Never blame me for this, alright? *Giving a farking don’t care look* Well, I am also very eagerly anticipating to watch The Corpse Bride and Charlie & The Chocolate Factory which will be up for screening soon. Both also by Tim Burton, so there aren’t any reason for me to miss the movies.

Got to meet up with Wei Tek for a while this time. He was alcohol-ed but not at a drunk stage. Was sharing bits and pieces about his “uni”-life and also my horrendously sickening college life. I long for it to end soon but I don’t want to go out and start my working life this soon. Mum has been pestering me to start observing for jobs in KL or perhaps Singapore. She so doesn’t want me to be back to Ipoh. Bitch! She should hide herself in a corner and rot there. I don’t care. I want a long holiday after my course ends. I wanted to go HongKong for shopping spree and food hunting. Just can never get enough of those hongkish vibes.

I am BROKE again. Predictable, huh?

Attended my Design Studies class today and realized what a lousy lecturer I got to conduct the class and to teach us designs. Gosh. She speaks enormously dreadful broken English and that is completely mind disturbing and torturing. Every single word spills out from her mouth driving me to have the urge to bitch-slapping her kao-kao! She even boasted to the class about having so much of experiences in working in big companies such as Leo Burnett, Ntv7, NSTP, etc and seriously I couldn’t help myself but laughing hysterically inside. I am not trying to be mean to her but just having the thought of her working in those top leading companies with her ways of speaking broken English caused me to have uncertainties for her standards and abilities. She told us she has been changing jobs every year from Leo Burnett to Ntv7 and blah blah blah...just clinching to the reason that she was tired over her overwhelming jobs? It simply made no sense! I wonder should I better be praying hard so that she won’t get tired so fast and able to stick finish being a lecturer in order for us to graduate without any delay and mess that could caused by her. Well, I gravely hope she doesn’t read blogs or else I will undoubtedly never ever pass through this subject and getting to graduate. I would have to dig grave then…

Since she is a 24/7 tired person, the class ended rather early and we only went through a half an hour lecture on the module outlines and stuff. Yay! Set off to Sg.Wang for some window-shopping or at least that was what I had in mind at first. Spent the whole day there and eventually the window-shopping mindset had turned into a big disaster. RM500 just vanished into thin air. *WHOOSH..!* Gone. The money was contributed to some gifts I got for Soya’s birthday from Quiksilver, Biotherm facial products, food and miscellaneous. Only left RM175.82 to survive for this whole month of August and this coming Friday, my mates plan to give Red-box a visit. How to fork out money anymore when you clearly comprehend that money won’t flow in till September. Always hate it when I am broke!

Any-the-way, Wyman sms-ed and told me he had took Benji for full grooming this afternoon and that poor lil baby got freak out the moment he saw the lady taking out pairs of scissors. He even “ter”-chuck a shit out. Wyman added in saying now Benji looks more like a Terrier now than a mixture of Shih Tzu and Pomeranian. Wyman was also smart enough till he forgotten to snapshoot Benji’s pics to mms all to me. Bloody forgetful boyfriend I am having, huh? Well, can’t be complaining too much as well since he has wasted 1/3 of his working time to fetch my Benji for grooming. Okay, my boyfriend is actually a darn caring and loving man to me and to my baby! Stop the pukings in front of the screens, peeps!

Need sleep desperately now. Will blog again…

Philosophies of Carmen Yew's life.

Trouble minds, entwined emotions, shattered dreams, broken souls, etc. This is how I picture my accelerated life is about. No more such a thing called innocence or pure and naive childlike thoughts. As I grow, I grasped the fact that life has been contaminated with ambiguous of convolutions and fairy tales no longer emerge to bring hopes of contentment. However, it has not sink to the bottomless in life that I might need to give up my life yet. I will still need a longer run and a bigger capacity to actually kill myself for repeatedly believing that my life sucks and ‘rawks’ no more. Love & Hatred: The utmost intense of feelings that motivates human beings to stay and hang on and on. Either to love unconditionally or to hate entirely, it does not and would not matter anymore.

20 years of ongoings and still running on...I want a life with no regrets whenever I evoke back to my past. Yes. This is my set-to-be aspiration/guidance on how walk finish my life. And if I had to sum up my life in one word, it must and has to be "random".