Finally it has ended....

Internship has finally ended and instead of feeling triumphant by defeating boredom and stressful working hours, I felt a glimpse of reluctances of stepping out from Sil Ad. I would not deny the fact that Sa’ad Hussain is the man of the year. He taught me not only things needed to survive in the advertising field but also the purposes of driven life. Sigh, I really started to miss the team working there and really going to miss them heaps. Valerie, Paul, Mike, Dougie, Francesca, Big, Sai Kee, Mel, Mei Ling, Azrul, Dani, Alison, Pei Ling, Royston and not forgetting our office boy, Madi. Truly a bunch of fun-loving and down-to-earth sapiens excluding once in a while, one or two of them could be real exasperating and armed with wicked desirous but but but…I already left and completed my internship and the politics ended here. *Wicked laughs echo-ing…*

Ice cream FETISH

Hey peeps, I was back to Ipoh for the weekend once again and same old shit, got myself really in awe for the deliciously scrumptious food, the cool and salubrious air, the clean and crystal clear water. However, the main aspect that magnetizes me of going back Ipoh so often is non-other than my family and friends. Don’t know why can’t really click that well with my KL friends compare to the Ipoh ones. Maybe the Ipoh ones have gone through a stage in catching the sight of me growing up. Miss the companionships of Kokpin, Weitek, Moungkai, Usang, Wailoon, Kokweng and the rest. It just so pathetic and sad that everyone is being littered randomly everywhere for studies purposes. Not like last time when we used to hang out in this small town of Ipoh. Everyone is just so far away from each other pursuing dreams and goals and sometimes I do wonder will they lose themselves as in their real selves when they are in the midst of searching for their futures. I think I have lost mine.

Any-the-way, I went out for the Fantastic 4 movie with Soya and bunch of friends. It was such an enormously suckie plot. Told Wyman later on about that movie and yet he still went and watched. Geram-NYA.

On Sunday, received sms from Yin Theng, having to say she already “on” with Robin. Unsure if she has made the right choice or a very rushed up decision she got there. Worrying if she might be hurt again as she could have been forcing herself into loving someone she tend to like but not love. However, all these would not have an answer if she never attempts to try out. Praying here that Robin will treat her unbelievably good just like air flight first class service as she is farking fragile and sensitive and not forgetting farking demanding too. Hehe. That’s my girl.

Then yesterday night went out with Bel and her bunch of Taiping buddies. Ate a lot. Yes. Fat. Damn FAT. Only for dinner I had Tom yam Sotong with rice plus Thai grilled ray fish. That is lots as the portion is huge. I don’t know what has gotten into me, was very luring in eating ice-cream yesterday night also. Went to the McDonald in ss2 and only found out they serve only vanilla Sunday cone and not chocolate. Pathetic-NYA. Ended up in Uptown’s Baskin Robbins. Went home at almost one in the morning. Angered Wyman as forgotten to reply his sms and calls. Sigh, I really not in the mood for explaining. After my shower I dozed off to sleep straight off. Not trying to be mean but just dead tired and he’s 25. Should be matured enough and not getting angry at empty air.

Take it or leave it

Recently, I am being so mocked down with piles of design work. Comparing to the first week I was here with the current state, which is now is so ridiculously different. Yesterday working time has dragged till today morning. I only got to go home at 1 a.m. something and get up at 7 for work AGAIN. The work has been never ending. Those clients are so fastidious and I seem to be forever doing the same thing with different design outcomes. Getting numb to everything. How I wish that I could be anesthetized. At least, I have little time for my own than pressurizing my pea-sized brain for ideas, ideas, and more ideas. Gosh, I need a break desperately.

I have forsaken Wyman for quite some time and he already started to throw tons of complaints and all with my hectic working schedule. Baby, I can’t help it but bear with it for just another a week more as I’ll be finishing my internship real soon. You should be even more prepare that as college starts, I will be much more busier than now. I can’t possibly be spending too much with anyone or engage myself with anything for the reason that the coming semester will be my final to complete before I am landing to this brutally sick advertising line. Am still contemplating either move on with other kinds of jobs or still stick back to advertising. In the midst of regretting taking up design course but despite the pressure, actually once in a while I do enjoy what I am learning. Got to observe what others don’t notice and design is something very ORIGINAL. It somehow brings a character or characters to an individual. Interesting and yet suffering. So, it's either I take it or leave it.

Friends do come and go.

I realized I haven’t blog for 4 days. Yeaps. I am real busy lately. A lot of design work on hand and the datelines are killing. Actually at this very moment, I should be rushing for my work before the art director started to chase me. Just thought of updating my blog before I get really stuck with work. Plus, I need to pour out some disgruntlement that trapped inside my mind. From life to work, from work to relationships, from relationships to friendships, from friendships to blah blah blah. In short, I just need to talk.

I really hate this girl in my company. Luckily I am only an “intern” and prolly ending my internship within 2-3 weeks later. What I can say is she’s just another bitch next door. I can’t stand her. So, shit curse to the max and *tutt* her. Enough said.

But apart from having dreadful times in the office, I did enjoy my weekend very much. Stayed with fang and jenqtat for 3 days & 2 nights. Went to Ikea, One-Utama, Sg. Wang, Low Yat plaza, KL plaza for shopping spree. Sunday lunch was at KimGary. Oh my, I had lunch and dinners at KimGary for three times in a week already. So you could see in your mind's eye why I am always broke. Nothing can be done, as I really love and relish in eating good food.

We chatted the first night away and the second night we indulged ourselves into mahjong game for 9 hours. SIAL. We also fed each other with gossips, thoughts, visions, feelings, etc. What a girlish thing to do with the guys but I enjoy it so much or at least it helps a lot in getting to know and understand them more. Jenqtat is excusable as I only got to know him about a month ago but Fang-my best friend for years seem to have a huge gap in between our friendship.

I am not sure if this is a silly word to say or what but it just that he always seem to keep every single thing to himself. Never really open up to share, even if he does it would be skimming the surface of en edge. Last times when our circles of friends haven’t broaden up; I could feel he is always there for me and we just share every single thing. We joke, we bitch, we gossip. Although now we still doing these but surprisingly the current state of feelings that I am enduring seem to pullback of being too close. Is it because I am attached and this means I should not be this close with my guy best friend anymore? I really don’t know. My understanding towards him seems to be reducing. Maybe it is just the fact that he has another bunch of friends where he could confide in. Sigh. Hate what I am feeling right now. I shouldn’t be worrying about thing I am prohibited to worry because friends do come and go-> I have been reminding myself all the time about this phrase.

The SURREAL Darkness...

The day was so-so only. As usual, I would and should trash in complaints after complaints about my internship in Sil Ad but today I am not going to spill a word out about it. Not to mention about the boredom ness that almost slaughter me.

Previously the hard work I have chucked in a Nokia Newsletter Project finally paid off. I received two notebooks, a steel box with a military-looking sunglass inside and finally an army greenish bag. All from Nokia and branded Nokia. Amongst all the gifts, I prefer most is the bag. I’ll post these complimentary gifts pictures when I know how to operate this blog thingy, alright? It’s like so “ngam”. Remember there is an input in the blog saying that I saw a new bag that I wanted to get and here’s a bag being delivered to me and it is FREE. The difference is just the brand and this bag has more value than those others that you could purchase from the shopping precincts. I worked hard, so hard, you know, and now this bag earns a bit or less about my chapter in life. A lot of tears, sleepless nights, head jamming and tiring journeys but this gifts just won’t compensate the things I have forgo. A lil bit of anger started to lit up whenever I think about this project.

I was supposed to have this agreement on getting an internship from Ogilvy One once this project is accomplished but all out of a sudden, they cast me off from the internship list and it really infuriated me. The very lame excuse they depicted out is they can’t afford to take in so many interns at once. It is only three of us that were chosen for the project so you could actually picture out the whole thing. I may not be their well-expected copywriter but hey, bear in mind that I am not a copy-based student and I did learn so hard in order to give out the best I could to make the project happen. I felt being used and being put aside when I no longer useful to them. But hearsay, Ogilvy doesn’t pay their interns and at first I thought the company I am currently working in is very stingy as they only fork out rm300 each month for the interns but my whole perceptions totally altered now. You know what I call this? The surreal darkness in a big company. The method they apply in the market is the epitome of just-use-and-throw and they done this obliquely. *Applause…Applause*

Irrefutable kind of human nature- BiTcHiNg!

Just done with my design tasks given by my boss. Didn’t put in all my effort inside. Ain’t so sure what is happening to me lately. I just can’t quit complaining about how boring my life is and how free am I in the office. Surprisingly when piles of design workloads was set in front of me today, I eventually don’t feel like doing anything but right in the end, I did accomplish the given tasks. Done in a very inadequacy sort of creativity and quality. Today working time ended at 10 pm something and in this advertising line, it somehow implicates the meaning of early actually. Hardcore, right?

My mind is being swamped away by numerous of things at the moment. Future, relationships, family, friendships, etc. I seemingly to put myself at the very wrong place all the time and my life is so juggling, anticipating to search for the right path to follow. Damn. So many question marks and yet so many concealed answers.

There is one question that I have long to be acknowledged with. How deep one’s relationship can sink into? I have been with Wyman for almost 4 years and to be perfectly accurate, it’s 3 years 7 months 8 days. Our relationship that has encapsulated all the ups and downs of being together and not deserting our silly arguments and fights either verbally or physically has taught me so much in life. Glad to mention that this relationship has really put me through a whole process of observing and appreciating people and things in life. Thanks, Wyman. Although there are times when you really put me off from my frame of mind, I will be really empty and cold inside without you. Thanks once again for everything, especially your presence. Sorry for bitching you in front of my mates whenever we squabble but do believe me that it helps a lot in reducing inner dissatisfactions toward others. Well, I not only bitch about my own boyfriend, dad and mum also included, and friends are the most common theme to be bitched about. I just can't quit bitching about others and sometimes I do bitch about myself. Weird, right? Guess this just some irrefutable kind of human nature. *Grin* Wait, the conclusion of this questionaire is not wholly about bitching but how could a relationship be submerged right at the bottomless of an ocean? If anyone has an answer, please do feed me so I could nourish my relationship with better understandings.

Oh yeah, decision is made. I’ll endure this weekend without going back to Ipoh. Have this plan of going to Ikea with Fang on either Saturday or Sunday. Hope I won’t be tempted to purchase anything. Pray hard, kay.

The stupid & money-minded CARMEN...

The weekend trip back to Ipoh was great. Got to watch Initial D on the Saturday noon and celebrated Wyman’s birthday at the nighttime. Well, Shawn Yue is so dazzling in the movie. *Drools…* He’s the MAN! (Laughing wickedly myself in the office)

Sigh, boredom struck again ever since I am back to KL this morning. If not I also won’t be spending my time to blog here. Miss benji heaps. Think I have really neglected him for quite some time. Should bring him go grooming and pamper with him with some munchies when I got my paid and that would prolly be next month. He shall do nothing but to wait patiently. However, lately I am so tight up with my financials, as my Mac Powerbook needs an upgrade too. It was unbelievably slow and the memory is certainly not enough for my design course. Called and asked Kenny-the MAC sifu today, and he told me the upgrade would cost rm450. Damn.

The other day, was window-shopping alone in KLCC, saw a bag I damn like and it costs approximately rm250 and also wanted to change my handset since last month. DAMN…Everything I like surely cost me a bomb. Sigh over and over again, I just wish money could grow on trees. Plus I have just spent another rm130 for a Levi’s tee and two birthday cakes for Wyman on his birthday. Gosh. I have over-spent AGAIN. I actually left 300 to outlive the whole month of July. Hate it so much when I am broke. Well, once again, who actually likes to be broke, huh?

Today workloads were rather overwhelming. Stupid me. I overwrote my design files and ended up I have to rush up my three-days-took-to-complete-design into a 10 minutes-sure-die-rush-up design. Some parts are not well cropped and some of the colors damn “jeng”. Sigh; hope my boss won’t notice my clumsiness and also the mistakes. I don’t really want to leave a bad impression towards him. But then, I really don’t understand why he will only appears whenever I done silly things or mistakes and when I have the flaming passion in designing a what-so-ever, he would either absent to work or went out to meet clients. Moody now.

Wish I were back to Ipoh again. Hey people, don’t start shit cursing me about being so homesick where the fact is I just came back from Ipoh this morning. I just love plain love IPOH. Referring to the fact that I have just over-spent this month, I afraid that I might suffer insufficient cash to go back Ipoh. The trips charges made me headache. People, I want money and I need money.