God's Special Delivery

Went to Post Office Malaysia today to get my special delivery from my wacko friend, Bel. She sent it two weeks ago but it failed to reach me. I assumed either they might have get the wrong add or nobody was at home when the postmen made the delivery. Never mind. The winding up is I got it already. The package is purple in color. Was superbly happy unwrapping the package because I plain love surprises. Hah! She jam-packed everything in a shoe box and she even wrote something on the box.








Carmen,

Just so you won’t be disappointed when you open this box: NO, Carmen, I didn’t get you a $100 pair of shoes which is size 5, brown, despite what the box says. Hope you like what’s inside tho! Sorry it’s so very late!

Signed by Bel


I had a good laugh reading that. She got my angklets fixed as a final point. She may have done so for a year and a half ago. Hehehe. Then my birthday and Christmas present for this year. I received a red-color bag and 9 condoms with 4 sachets of water-based lubricant and the flavor ranges from vanilla, chocolate, apple and my all-time-fav, STRAWBERRY. She even made me a Christmas card with emotive writings. Yes, I am so truly touched! She's the most miraculous friend a.k.a buddy that one could ask for especially in a place like my college, LUCT, despite her too overly artsy fartsy sense and taste. At times, she's like God's special delivery to me. Nowhere to be found...





Thank You So Much, Bel!

Nothing comes free

Didn’t manage to shop manically during my trip to KL as my auntie would be bugging me to death by dropping me heaps of questions… This nice ar? That one now latest fashion hor? Females in KL usually dress up how eh? You think this suit me mou?...On and on till I almost feel like cutting my ears off. Total noise pollution. However, I really need to put up with her as all the expenses are well-sponsored by her and my uncle. So the 3 days 2 nights trip in KL, I only manage to get two tops from MNG and a pair of shorts from Esprit. My uncle and auntie paid all. There's nothing such as free lunch in this world. What some more breakfasts, dinners and suppers that I have chucked dowm to my stomach? I had too many free meals in KL thus I need to repay them by entertaining my superly long-winded auntie. Hehehe. Btw, I did fork out one hundred something in getting my baby Hamster a shirt from Esprit thou.

Taken in LV, Starhill with cousin bro, Juin.


Gucci, KLCC.


a)Hotel Room. Waiting for my turn for shower


b)Still waiting for my turn for shower


Me and the Gigantic Christmas Tree in KLCC

Drop Dead at Teluk Intan

Am blogging my night away at Teluk Intan Inferno cyber cafe now. Accompany baby Hamster to do his card sales there. There isn't any entertainment here at all and the biggest/most happening shopping centres they have here are like Fajar and Billion ONLY. I wonder how people here got to survive. I need civilization. Hamster and I headed down to Langkap today to do blitz (shop to shop) because card users in Teluk Intan almost all "sapu" by others edi. Asking them to apply for cards is like pushing them down to hell. GERAM.

Any-the-way, I was in KL last week with my second uncle and his wife and also my cousin bro, Juin. Had a so-so trip nia. Going to blog about it and upload some pics too when I am back to Ipoh tomorrow night. *hopefully*

Ciao.

Jobless AGAIN

Carlsberg task has been accomplished a week ago. 9 working days out of 3 weeks and only for 4 hours long duration to obtain RM720 is definitely easy money. All I need to do is look around for people who drink Carlsberg and give them lighters as per bucket count then explain about the CLL, Carlsberg re-branding promotion. Ipoh team was supervised by Hamster. I pestered him to work with me. Can earn and can look after me at the same time. How GOOD? Hehe. However, we did argue badly on the first week of job. Things then only get better. Realized this blog is tad bit empty so uploaded some pics taken during Carlsberg event. Btw, i'm jobless again. Turned down Skol Beer for some reasons.

Carlsberg Nite Out







ps: All pics taken in my car. Was lazing during working time, so can't be too revealing taking pics around public area. Hehe.

I left HELL for HEAVEN.

I am so phucking retard that I actually ramp into my dad’s car while reversing mine.
Apparently, I'm jobless for more than a week already. I was supposedly to be superbly blissful that I have left that phuck-up-company-that-HELL-seems-alike but thinking of the cash I need to fork out to get my dad’s car repaired…My mood submerged to the bottomless end.

Accepted two events jobs. One is Carlsberg, another is Skol Beer. Family is extremely upset that I actually going to be a “Beer Girl” for two months. But hey, the cash term is damn tempting and I only work 3 days in a week. All I want is only money. MONEY. Get me? At first, I was pestered by Audrey Ng (rival that becomes friend) to join ICCC’s Calendar Girl. 12 contestants will be selected and their pics will be input into ICCC’s 2007 calendar. RM500 plus freebies don’t seem to harm my emotional and physical needs. So I pestered Karie and ChoyLing to go with me. Karie and I managed to get into final but no such luck for ChoyLing. This whole calendar thingy is so damn unfair. Ugly girls managed to enter final as well just because they brought their whole family to the function and make them pay rm35 per person to qualify for a vote slip. So no point continuing also. Hamster was tremendously upset and thwarted that I joined this sorta thing. Maybe his ex was there as well. Hence I decided to quit from final. Yup. I gave up. RM500 just vanished into thin air. No, I am not sad. Perhaps I love Hamster more than putting my face into a calendar. Hehehe.

Got Hamster a gold ring with my name “Carmen_U” engraved on it as soon as I got my paid from the LG Mobile event. Just have some sort of calling to myself to treat and love him better. I wanted to treasure this man. He may not be The One but I hope he could be The One because I am tired to searching for Mr.Right and I am tired of starting all over again after in the midst of completing the love puzzle. I sense that I am falling deeply in love with Hamster.

Simplified Updates

This blog is so dead. Hasn’t been doing much update since don’t-even-remember-when-it-was-although-the-last-entry-is-stated-clear. See! My brain is as dead as this blog. Any-the-way, think I should get most of my stuff updates in a simplified version.

1. Wyman and I is already a past tense.

2. Skeet and I is the present tense now. (I have yet confirm for the future tense)

3. My 21 bday was marvelous.

4. I nicknamed Skeet, Hamster.

5. I landed in a stupid company as a designer ever since I quit HSBC.

6. I got a car. Myvi.

7. I thought working back in the field I studied would be stress-less compared in doing sales for banking products but I was wrong. Phucking wrong!

8. I have 3 bosses in that stupid company. There are two female bosses who are phucking retards and I am completely wasting my time and talents there. What some more my job requires me to be the office-cleaner, chauffeur, photographer, admin executive, entertainer cum newspaper reader. I hated this job and I hated my female bosses to the max. Stupid psychotic retard bitches!

9. I have no choice but to stay in that company because I need money to pay for my car installments, petrol, services, phone bills, daily expenses, etc.

10. Planning for a job change. Working on it now.

11. Fang took off to UK edi. 3 years duration to complete his degree there. Am expecting loads and loads of designers’ brand from him. *Evil laughs echo-ing…*

12. I spent almost RM1k for Hamster’s 21 bday. Got him a Fossil digital watch, a green tee and knee-long pants from Seed, a collared shirt from Topman, a working shirt from G2000, a blue tee from CK & Jeans, two ties from Topman, a tie from Casserini (very ciplak), two pairs of socks and a boxer from Renoma, Gillette shaving gel, Nivea after-shave balm, cotton buds and loofah. Designed him a lovey-dovey card and another birthday card, which I cursed him to die because he angered me.

13. I’m learning to bake cakes and pizza to “ampu” my Hamster so he would be touched and buy me a new phone as my nokia 3650 is dying.

14. My first attempt in making pizza works. According to Hamster, he is a happy man.

15. Hamster sup out one of his credit card for me. A mistake for him and a bonus for me!


OoOoOoOo…I am so done.

My unforgetable "21st"

31 May 2006
Wyman is a past and I no longer hold any hope that we’ll be back together. It was hurtful to let him go but it was even more hurtful if I didn’t do so. I can’t forget what he had done to me when he wanted to break and coming back to me pretended as if nothing has happened in between. I am selfish. So what? Sue me-lah! I just want to chase for my happiness and now I don’t see it in Wyman anymore so there is no point pushing myself to love someone who only cares for himself. Maybe it’s not this way but he gave me such feelings.

I just welcome in Skeet into my broken life. Life has not been this gratifying I would say. Just imagine accepting someone new and adapting to a whole new relationship after being hurt tremendously by my previous own boyfriend who I love so much. It takes a lot from everything for me to accept anyone new especially Skeet. Not because he is not good enough but the fear of downfall and all the hurts caused by the previous relationship. We have known each other since we were 12 and yet we hardly made it to the good friends stage. “Life is predictably unpredictable”. From our nine years of hi and bye friendship to what we are now has made this phrase a fact. I have never envisaged that we could or even would be together and I guess he is thinking and feeling the same as I do. Am glad I have made the decision. A right decision though. A path to happiness, I assumed. Call me heartless for being able to hop into a relationship so fast but I do feel really contented being with him. After all love is very simple, so don’t complicate it. If both happy and comfortable with each other, that matters most.

This year I had the most vague birthday ever. I was still holding some feelings for Wyman and hoping he’ll be back to celebrate with me though I never had my birthday wonderfully celebrated together with him. It’s more like a final wish to see this happen. On the other hand, I wanted so much Skeet to feed me surprises as he always does so. Human is meant to be greedy at times. Any-the-way, Wyman was back from Johor to see me but he saw Skeet’s car was in my house. The story continues..bla bla bla..and on this day itself, Wyman and I had finally call it over. No turning back. No friends after break ups. Completely ending everything.

Skeet did give me a breathtaking birthday. He gave me a bouquet of sunflowers (My first time receiving flowers from him was also sunflower), a diamond ring, a dinner treat to Indulgence with my best friend, YinTheng and Fang, chocolate banana cake from Secret Recipe and etc. Thanks Skeet for treating me like a princess and making me to fall in love again. Gosh, I love this feeling…and I started to love this guy even more…

The Tragic

William Lee Chien Loon. An old friend who I often meet but seldom talk and soon after I left for KL, we have then gradually lost contact. However, two days ago I managed to bump back into him with his girlfriend in Jusco. Am very delighted to see him there and very naturally we exchanged phone number finding forward for a tea session in the future but I guess God has not allowed this to happen so. Yesterday night, I received a sms from his cell phone claiming that he has passed away and I just replied the sms with a sentence, “Stupid Joke”. Never crosses my mind that the sms is a real fact and he has just left without a word.

Went to General Hospital forensic department today, couldn’t help myself but joined in the crowd crying helplessly. His cause of death is heart failure and I was told he was having his meal and within a split of second, he collapsed and passed away just like that. He is only 26 or perhaps 27. Isn’t life span for him is a little bit too short? Saw his girlfriend there losing herself out and hugging me. It pierced through my heart to witness such a thing. His death has made me treasure life even more especially the people around me. William has laid down a lesson to me…The quality of life. I’ll surely miss him and the long chat we had in front of the phone counter.

Ps: William, I do thank God for the coincidence luck in bumping into each other. Though time and fate has restrained and limited us from expanding the friendship growth but there isn’t a doubt that you will be deeply missed by everyone.

I must have learned to love myself.

Life is predictably unpredictable. Wyman came back for me. I really don’t know how to deal with my feelings anymore. Perhaps in my whole entire life, I held my own confidence too high above and when he uttered the word “break”, I collapsed completely having the feeling of an enormous fall. A total loss to everything been owned and given to me. As I begin to patch up my tormented life, he came back. He assumes we could be back together just like last time. He assumes that the hurtful break off has never happened. He assumes that my hurts has all been cured. All his assumptions did not grant me an assurance anymore. An assurance that I am going to take him back and pretend things will be at its moderate mode. Yes, we are back together but something is missed in betweens. The deep hole inside my heart. The wound that has caused so much pain.

If Keet wouldn’t have interfered into my life, I have no doubts and confusions at all into accepting Wyman back. No one has any idea how painful was I during the breaking off moment. Friends and close buddies did a lot to try to cheer me up and I do really appreciate them with the things they offered me. Time especially. Days and nights keeping me accompany, making sure that I am doing alright. Thanks so much peeps for everything. However in all of all, Keet has took up the extra mile in taking care of my feelings. He’s always just a phone call away. I like the way he cares for me and allowing me to be myself. The Teluk Batik trip was indeed a comforting sensation. Apart from the crying and shouting in the car, I enjoyed the loosen-up sense on the beach. Even the second time I went with him, my sense remain as loose as it may allow but with a little thing in extra. This extra little thing is so dangling with multiplicity of feelings. I may have a little feel or more for Keet. Is him just a bounce back or what? I can’t answer myself this.

At this moment, I just want things to go naturally. No point pushing myself towards the wall and not allocating myself to breathe.

I miss you

It’s not “her existence” but “my attitude” has made the whole relationship sank. He made a decision and that was to break with me. I have been crying everyday and each day I met him I wouldn’t let myself from not kneeling down before him and begging him to stay. From this point, I know he’s everything to me. Done many silly things to keep myself feeling better. Hurting myself was a total fun. The wound added pain into my struggles and yet I even felt better this way. I can’t accept the fact where he wanted to leave and step out from my life. Tears have been washing down my face every single second. I hate going through the pain which I am going through now. Tell you what, it is even more painful when you know the person who cares and loves you the most doesn’t love or care for you anymore. I am not her baby princess anymore. No more sweet talks, no more gushy mushy lovey dovey touchings, no more sharing ups and downs anymore and completely nothing. I miss him and I miss our 4 years of togetherness.

Phucking DISTURBED

At this very second I am feeling so confuse, hurt, miserable, disappointed, loveless, or just anything that may go against the source of happiness found in lives. I hated myself as much as I hated the whole relationship with him. I really hope one day for me to consume the courage of letting go entirely without leaving a trace of a thing or feeling for the relationship. I am tired with everything about him especially when it comes to "her existence". My self-esteem have been sinking into the bottomless end. I know he would say that I am thinking too much of the unnecessities but I would blame him for not making me to feel right about how he handle our relationship. I am just feeling absolute not right. Felt like crying but failed to do so. Perhaps I have already cried too much the nights before. Fuck. I am so lost now. If I am feeling this bad about him and the relationship we have, why am I still holding on and unwillingly to let go of everything? Why love has to be this hurting and tormenting? Can't be it a simpler one where usually every story/fairytale has a happy ending?