I think I may wanted to let go...

You know what is real happiness? It's when you wake up the next morning, having someone dearest to you hugging you and looking at you right in the eyes smiling and followed by a kiss on the forehead. Wonderful isn't it? I feel most loved on a Sunday morning yesterday.

But happy things don't last long. There are as short-lived as fireworks. I felt so lost, so hurtful. Exactly what I was feeling back then with Uncle Wong, I remembered looking at the work pc monitor blankly with tears dripping on my laps. Looking at the phone calls made to unfamiliar numbers and after checking upon it, my heart ached worse than before. I thought I don't need to go through this anymore because my current bf is the best thing ever that could happened to me. We shared almost everything. We compromise what we could so that we can hold onto each other, we have never let distance to be a gap or a serious issue between us. I was so fuckingly happy and wanted to settle down with him. I don't want to look for Mr. Right anymore because I am already having him right in front of me. I even keep telling people how happy was I when I'm with you...Everything is only about you.

But how could you hurt me like this? How could you compromise something that in the end turning to be a justification, which is you just wanted to "test" me. How could you do that hurt to me not thinking how would I feel right in the end...like now. The feelings I have for you is real, idiot boy. I just wanted to check those phone calls made and sms sent, to prove to myself that I have trusted the right person. That you will not keep in touch with your ex anymore which you have promised me. I really trusted you. So much. And I am just ending up hurting myself again and again. I felt like a fool. Once more.

I don't want to fight and I'm not going to fight nor share. I believed I have said enough and said well on things I really hated about. You just fuckingly ruined all these. If you have loved me and only me truly, you would or could have just reject her and not giving chances to her. Stop telling me rubbish. If she is not respecting me as your gf (I don't see it as a healthy sign to stay in touch with the ex when he's already attached with someone new...), then why would you layan her back? It takes two to tango. Why can't you be straight forward enough to tell her that I do mind all the callings and sms and I am not trying to be a jealous girlfriend but a careful one. Why have you chosen to sacrifice my feelings than hers? She dumped you and making you believe you are not a good bf. She even avoided you, making things so painful for you. Why the hell is she telling you now that you are actually indeed a great life partner then? Why one year later? Why when you are attached with me? WHY NOW? I'm not trying to be a terrible gf here but I don't think I can handle such situation anymore. I know I'm always a crybaby and crying will not solve the prohlem...but why shit happens to me?

I hated her so much. What a bitch...but she wouldn't be one if you have taken up the guts intro me to her as your current girlfriend and cut the cord straight with her. No more staying in touch. Just Hi and Bye, I really mean hi-bye here. Things have gone really wrong here and I don't think I can trust again. Once again, you have chosen to do the hurt on me rather than your ex girlfriend. So, do whatever you like and I have enough being an idiotique.

Just as I thought you were the one. I so wanted to die now but I know I will regret about it later. I'm so confused.