Fuck.

Feel like crying again. Bf is back, I should be glad that things have finally turned alright...Which I thought we were. However, I just found out AGAIN he's still keeping in touch with his ex. I had enough of being sad and crappy over the ex issue we have been arguing lately. Enough of getting suspicious if they are still keeping in touch. Enough of the whole fucking crap that made me cried for so many nights and start hurting myself ever again.

I just got so fucking lost. Why the pain must be endured by myself once after once...Why can't I have a more proper and trustful relationship? I just want someone that would care for me and my feelings more than anything else. I don't need a 10 carat diamond ring or branded stuff to keep me happy...I just want a boyfriend that would stop doing things that would hurt my in the end. I just want to be happy with him, I don't want to check on his bills again...check on his phone again. It's driving me nuts. It hurts even more when I got to know of things he didn't tell.

I can't find someone I can really talk to, someone who would understands how exactly I am feeling. I cried talking to Keith on the phone. He said he understands how it feels like as he has went through the same thing as well. I don't really get used crying in front of friend that is not so close...it must the alcohol again. Sigh...