Trapped.

There are moments i wished badly for you to hug me tight and whisper to my ears that i am your biggest achievement in life. Who does not wish for her boyfriend that thinks she is the best for him? Who does not want her boyfriend to be honest enough and sincere enough to love her every single day without fail? I used to have you doing that to me but somehow someway... You stopped. Without yourself realizing it. 

I used to be your biggest catch. I used to be the best one for you or maybe those were times you made me felt i was your everything. You used to text me telling me how wonderful i was to you, how much i meant to you and how my presence has changed your life. Even if we don't get to meet, even if we prefer to hide from the public... Even if we both have yet to be official lovers. We had almost everything. Those strong feelings. Those sweet messages. Those unforgetable moments. And those precious 3 minutes sessions.

And now? Things are not so beautifully written anymore. I would like you to understand me better, to care for me like you used to be. Hence, i always try to make you to listen to my inner self.  But in return, what do i get? That my very own boyfriend being ignorant. 

I dont even understand why am I crying myself to sleep at this hour, knowing you are just right outside the living room watching tv. Because you just wouldn't care. Tonight in particular, you just made me feel i am meaningless to you and both of us are just heading to nowhere. I feel trapped. Trapped in fears and disappointments. Trapped within wastage of time and effort by making believe you are the right one. 

Sometimes, all i need is just an assurance that you are still the old you when you made that decision to make me yours. Are you ever going to settle down with me? Or have it even got into your thoughts if i am the one or just another passerby in your life? I need answers. Solid answers.