Seeing it and feeling it

At one point of time (not that it happens many times), I do have the thinking that I should stay single. Break away from engaging into a relationship for a periodical of time. At least half a year or more, I would say. However, I don’t understand why it is so intricate for me to be single for once. Is it because I do really need attention wholly as I don’t as much as I wanted them?

Okay, I have called it off with Uncle Wong last Friday, dated 23 January 200, almost 2 weeks ago. There are so many reasons to be listed down why are we drifting apart, there are many reasons too that things could actually work out (with the ability to be blind-folded again and again). Sometimes in a relationship, it is just the matter of giving and taking. There’s no balance for both. No one has look good into our relationship thinking the age gap plays an important part. However it wasn’t an issue to me at all. I love this man and I really wanted to get married to him even though deeply inside, I know we will not be in the long run.

It was really heart wrenching to pack all my stuff at his place and moved out. The feelings were so indescribable and even though it’s just a year we were together…it has almost last me a lifetime of happiness. I wished to capture every moment spent in words, making the best of those memories we shared. At most times, I really wanted to tell so much to him on how he has become a part of my life and his family too. I really am going to miss them so much. His mum especially. Although how many fights we have endured, how much heartbreak we have caused each other, I will always remember you. The one that I have really put my heart into. I saw it coming. The whole breakup process...I just thought I won't be that hurt anymore since I have seen it coming but I was wrong. So wrong...

Been crying too much. Sulk too much…and sigh too much…

Carmen Yew,

There’s no point grieving over the loss. If things really not working out, let it go. There are reasons why he is now called your ex. It may hurt and it may not be a little bit but don’t let the hurt turn to hatred as love is a very simple thing from the beginning. No one should have ever been made perfect or mold into perfections. Even you have most flaws that one could find in others and that doesn’t give credit for you to hurt others and for others to hurt you back…

I really need some moments for soul searching.