:-(

****************~ Chapter ended ~****************

I dreamt about Uncle Wong again. In fact, it was just last night I saw him in my dream. When we were still together, I hardly catch a glimpse of his face in my dreams but right after the break up I have been seeing him so frequently and for all, those dreams are not the contented kind. As much as I could remember, we were very cold towards each other.
Perhaps I have been overloading my brain with stuff he has done or the silly mistakes I may have done too during the togetherness. I have tried very hard not to think about him and learning to let go completely but I also believe it won’t be an overnight thing. Nowadays I often caught myself thinking a lot, staring at things blankly and think so hard why the hurtful feelings are so hard to be digested.

Thinking back where we have just started, I can never escaped and hide those feelings which are so real and so close to heart but whenever I think about the current “us” now, I felt so sour. There are times I woke up with tears in my eyes. I miss him. I really do. I miss sleeping beside him, I miss hugging him to sleep, I miss the cuddling moment, I miss smelling the lotion I assisted him to apply every time before heading to bed…Basically I miss the “us” back then, before the relationship is scarred. Before the hurtful and ugly things I discovered in him. Am I not good enough for him, have I done not enough? There are tons of questions I don’t understand…Why would he treat me like that? Why we have let go so easily and why we never take any move to defend what we believe in? What have I done wrong…?

Basically, we will never know what have we missed till we lost it. I have chosen to let go and I can never ever claim him back as I have understand he hasn’t love me that much. Well, or maybe all this while I’m just a companion to him that he has never wanted to take serious with. How silly of me to actually believe he’s serious in marrying me and making me his wife. He has cut my faith into believing in the next relationship. I’m so afraid of the downfall I may have faced if I were to have a new boyfriend again. I’m so sick in re-adapting to a whole new relationship and along the way, wasting time and ended up that “Oh well, this man is still not the right one…”

I’m going nuts edi…