When sanity is gone.

01/08/08
Will someone who claims that he will love you and you only by all means suddenly just go out and flirt with girl or girls without your knowledge and yet he will still treat you super duper nice and hold your hands when both go to sleep? I was grasping for air when the heart that I have given out to Uncle Wong for many reasons and is threw against a glass door. It was broken ONCE AGAIN. Badly broken. I don’t even dare to pick it up and validate if it could be patch-up back or not. I’m not hoping him to treat me like a princess whereby all my words are commands nor am I pushing him off boundaries to make things go my way.

I really have given my heart out to Uncle Wong. Love with him is unlike those I used to have. I always want to “manja” with him. Every night before going to bed, I’ll kiss him on his cheeks, chest, forehead, hands, belly, etc almost a hundred times and I demand the same from him then only I’ll doze off. We hold hands when we sleep and I love rubbing his belly and resting my head on it when we have pillow talk. I also love waking up having him beside me. He has given me my utmost happiest moment of life. However, at the same time I also seem can’t understand the happiness around me are so short-lived.

I cried for the whole morning, he called to say sorry. Once he got back from work, he hugged me tightly and said that the rest are just flings. Unreal thing. Unlike me, he wanted to be serious with. As helpless as I am, I accepted the happy-for-now-worry-later sort of apology. I think something is really wrong with me. It’s just so not me. Not in a way whereby your man can be two times being unfaithful and yet you can forgive him. Be it forcefully or not, it doesn’t seem to matter. Big SIGH...

Uncle Wong,

When will you stop tormenting my feelings and emotions and love me for real? Would you stop all these heart-wrenching hurts and scars that you have implement in me? I think I'll be going insane one day by loving you more each day which I don't intended too and I just can't explain why I keep on falling into you.

Your girl.