Helpless biatch= ME

Uncle Wong has not been the most promising boyfriend ever. All this while, I have committed myself wholly to him knowing and believing he’s the same towards me. From the very first second to where we are now, there’s not a single doubt he’s not real or true to me. This feeling of assurance he has given me, I treasure every bit of it. I was shaken a bit at first when I know he has been keeping in touch with a girl quite often as I glanced through his itemized billing. I confronted him and once again I believed in him that they are just friends and the girl he’s calling was going through some matters. I don’t want to make myself turning into some psycho biatch that would 24/7 check on her own boyfriend. I don’t want to repeat on the same mistake like I used to, whereby Wyman was suffocated by my immature and insecure actions. So, I trusted him and not wanting to know more if he’s lying or not.

For Uncle Wong, I really wanted to give all I could as I believe we can take it to the next level. Marriage. But he has broken the trust and faith. He just smashed them right against the walls, leaving me with total disappointment. I discovered a pack of condom with only two rubbers left yesterday night and he just returned from his trip to Thailand. I felt fucked up. Completely. How I wished he would lie to me or smart enough to actually not bring back any evidence that would found by me. How I wished when I confronted him, he would lie to me and tell me it’s not exactly what I have in mind. Since it’s not the first time this happened, I thought I could do it like the first time by allowing myself not to believe my sight. But I can’t. I felt helpless. I cried non-stop and he’s just there sitting down looking at me. I don’t know if he’s laughing at how stupid am I or maybe he could have been feeling regret by now.

He has hurt me so much more and deeper in all ways than all of my ex-s did. However, I realized even though it’s a half a year relationship but I have love him more than I have loved my ex-s. I eventually forgave him. I know deeply he would hurt me again and maybe the next time could be ten times more heart wrenching than now. Yes, I’m stupid and I’m helpless too.