Why it has to be like this.

5.55pm
I just got my offer letter from HR on my conversion of contractual to permanent staff in Maxis. Hard work pays off. Finally, I got my so called promotion in black and white. I should be happy with what is offered to me now but I am not. I want back my laugher but I don’t know where to find it. Things I am so looking forward into doesn’t seem to matter now.

I am not okay…Who can I turn to, who can give me a hug of comfort and tell me things will be alright? Who can just protect me from all these pain and hurts? Why do I need to go through all these shit again? I broke down in tears again. Why loving a person can be this painful? Can’t it be a simplified? Can’t it be just you and me? What is all these now? I just want someone to love me unconditionally and not hurting me this way.

I don’t know how to let it out now. I’m really very very very unhappy. My right hand is so damn swollen with bruises and painful now. I don’t know what else I can do besides hurting myself. I don’t like and I really don’t want to injure myself ever again but I just did. Tears can’t stop flowing down my cheeks again looking at the facebook status, in a relationship with Steve Lai. I don’t know how to end it.