Pondering still

Work has been overwhelming lately. Ever since the conversion to permanent, tasks assigned to me seem to be over piling and I almost choked to death while handling broadband inventory. Luckily I still got my assistant manager, KC, to assist me and also some of the helpful colleagues. During working hours, phone calls and sms to bf has been cut reduced tremendously. Just the other night, I asked him in MSN whether are we okay or not and I got a reply of “wishing we are okay”. So, we are not entirely okay?

I can’t have a solid answer about us. Trapped within fear still and I successfully did not check on his billing for almost 2 weeks, fearing I might break down in tears once more. However, I know as long as I am granted with the access to the system, I will continue to learn more if he will lie again or not. I really hated invading into his room of privacy but as much as I tried not to, I failed just like before. The only way out from this dilemma would be it’s either I let go of him or I quit my current job. It’s like torn between two.
Maybe I should work a way out to be transferred to another department instead?

First of all, is it a right decision to be in relationship again with someone you have lost faith? I can’t prolly answer this myself, if I do, I wouldn’t have given us another chance as well. So sad that I am confused on things I used to be so certain and determined. I seem to have lost all the things I have about us and I really hope, as we go on, I hope we would able to build our relationship based on honesty and trust again. I will be heading down KL later in the evening and we haven't be seeing each other for approximately 2 weeks edi...wondering how's things going to work...Sigh. Am so in doubts. I wanted to be happy but I scare I'll get hurt once more.