So Much Win & So Much Loss

21/02/12

I have a very good Valentine’s celebration. With all of the little effort he pours in, we seem to be getting better. And I am so proud of him that he is gaining back my trust bits by bits. My relationship with his family has also deepens. “So much win”

I went out dinner with his family last night and it is my very first time to dine without the presence of my boyfriend. We talked a lot, gossiped a lot…His family shared so much of myRichard’s ex girlfriends stories to me. I guess it is a blessing in disguise to have such a bonding with his family even though he is not so much of the 101% good boyfriend I used to have.

However, lately our relationship seems to be blossoming. I know it is a good sign, that’s why I try not to input negative thoughts whereby most likely he feels the guilt of cheating on me thus he treats me better. I really hope he has changed for good without intended to hurt me again.

*************************
This was what I drafted earlier and let it sitting in my bin without posting it. A month later, I came up with another post which drastically draw out the contrast.

*************************
20/03/2012

I threw him a question yesterday when he was tucking me to bed. I asked him if he is ever serious being in a relationship with me. He gave me a curious look and by looking into my eyes, he commented that he is serious and getting married is just a matter of time. I don’t feel happy. I don’t feel secure. I don’t feel the honesty or sincerity. I just don’t feel the gratification or maybe I had enough of his promises which are merely just words and not actions.

I wanted to settle down with him but I just felt he is no longer the Mr. Right that I used to love so much. I wanted us to last but he doesn’t project to me anymore that he is taking me seriously as my instinct always tell me that he still wants to play around. Maybe I shouldn’t be giving myself fake hopes anymore that he is the one. Perhaps this time, God has not written him in my destiny as well. Once and for all, I am stuck whether I should continue to wait for changes or start packing up my stuff to leave before my youth sells me off. It can never be a happy decision on either way.

No one guarantees happiness. Not even myself.