Till then...

I pushed the boundary whereby I chatted on the phone with Skeet for 2 hours. Never had we chatted for this long except when he’s in the courtship for me and also when we were still together, there’s no need to be on the phone for long as we would meet every single day and night. He asked me out for dinner on Thursday night, something like a farewell dinner as he’ll be transferred to KL for promotion but I rejected him. I really don’t see a point there to meet up whereby I don’t and won’t even care anymore things about him. I may appear very cold here but it’s not a bad thing that I have entirely moved on with my life and wholly over him.

I do miss our moments of togetherness. The silly and funny things we have shared, the touching moments that made me in tears, the stupid fights we endured. It’s all now encapsulated and sealed. I will not grieve over the loss as it has brought me to Uncle Wong. My new found happiness. I know I’m such a bitch but who are not when you deeply understand that there’s no turning back and the hurt has gone too immeasurable deep due to the previous one.

Skeet,

I know you are reading my blog. Whatever things you heard from others, be it exaggerated or modified, somehow it holds 35 % of truth. I’m not blind folded with hatred, but the things that you have done and “that one thing” in extra has made me comprehend better I deserved a lot better than you. I’m pretty sure family and friends around you would have told you the same thing too and they are right about it. So, move on and make life worth living and if possible let it be random. After all, there's no such thing as one can never live without another person. We may have cause pains to each other but we have also once loved so real and so deep. Let it all be memories like you have said. About the question that whether you will be invited to my future wedding or not, no certainty. Who knows I may ended up not married. But fuck that, I'm so not going to let that happen to me. Till then, take care in your future undertakings...

Jampi-ed kaw kaw

I lost my phone again. This time is my Motorola V6. Think I have either left it in the hospital yesterday when Dad is admitted due to gall stone surgery. All those precious photos gone. Argh! Need to get a new phone soon but I’m in financial crisis at the moment. Feeling extremely fucked up. My Sony T-10 digital camera has decided to die on me two weeks before I lost my phone. How can one’s luck be this bad, as if i kena jampi-ed. *Screams hysterically*

********************

*Wanted to post this up earlier but ended up in draft for days (05/03/08)

I woke up this morning feeling predominantly in love. Thanks for giving me this feeling, Uncle Wong. Thanks thanks thanks! Nope, Uncle Wong did not bombshell me with a 10 carat diamond ring and asked me to marry him nor he bought me anything good (he’s a person that won’t spend on less-practical stuff, remember?) There’s just something about him that I don’t know how to sum all in words. I felt loved. Deeply. Thanks once again.

Scars

I remembered how I used to be so crazy in love and I lost my sanity at all times. My ex-s all were very much disturbed with me on this issue. I would want things to go my way all the time and if they refused to give in, I would then try crying and hurting myself and also tormenting them. Abusive relationships as a whole and I’m sure no guys would love their partner to be behave like I used to. Is it because of I’m spoilt since young, like how Dad and Mum give me almost everything they could and I can never stop asking for more?

I definitely would leave a deep mark in their hearts (Wyman and Skeet) and I’m pretty sure they have never met such nuisance girl like me and the worst part is they had me as their girlfriend. Time frame with Wyman is 4.5 years long, as for Skeet, it was only like a roller coaster ride as we only manage to maintain for 1.5 years. Well, I’m growing up and I really do. I used to hurt myself badly whenever I failed to win over an argument with the ex-s. I even cut my wrist so that I could obtain all the attention I ever wanted and also I want them to listen and shut up. Pretty mad, right? I scared myself too when this becoming a habit. A real awful one. I even have the habit taking photos of my bleeding wrist. How crazy can one be?





Okay. Pathetic, right? Just wanted to post this up so it could be a gentle reminder to myself how stupid and sick I was back then. It was all good now although my wrist is scarred as I'm truly glad I can control my emotions ways better than before. If I ever wanted another relationship to sink, I can try doing this again. Desmond Wong (The newbie) can never accept this fact as he's always the mature kind and to handle me and having me as his gf, he's already half dead putting in efforts. Slap me bitch if I ever going to repeat this sickening act in order to hurt myself and him. So it's going to be a big no-no...Everyone learns from mistake and I thank God my mistake doesn't cost me my life as I'm still able to revert on this.

ps: will update V's day post in a few days time.