The Tragic

William Lee Chien Loon. An old friend who I often meet but seldom talk and soon after I left for KL, we have then gradually lost contact. However, two days ago I managed to bump back into him with his girlfriend in Jusco. Am very delighted to see him there and very naturally we exchanged phone number finding forward for a tea session in the future but I guess God has not allowed this to happen so. Yesterday night, I received a sms from his cell phone claiming that he has passed away and I just replied the sms with a sentence, “Stupid Joke”. Never crosses my mind that the sms is a real fact and he has just left without a word.

Went to General Hospital forensic department today, couldn’t help myself but joined in the crowd crying helplessly. His cause of death is heart failure and I was told he was having his meal and within a split of second, he collapsed and passed away just like that. He is only 26 or perhaps 27. Isn’t life span for him is a little bit too short? Saw his girlfriend there losing herself out and hugging me. It pierced through my heart to witness such a thing. His death has made me treasure life even more especially the people around me. William has laid down a lesson to me…The quality of life. I’ll surely miss him and the long chat we had in front of the phone counter.

Ps: William, I do thank God for the coincidence luck in bumping into each other. Though time and fate has restrained and limited us from expanding the friendship growth but there isn’t a doubt that you will be deeply missed by everyone.

I must have learned to love myself.

Life is predictably unpredictable. Wyman came back for me. I really don’t know how to deal with my feelings anymore. Perhaps in my whole entire life, I held my own confidence too high above and when he uttered the word “break”, I collapsed completely having the feeling of an enormous fall. A total loss to everything been owned and given to me. As I begin to patch up my tormented life, he came back. He assumes we could be back together just like last time. He assumes that the hurtful break off has never happened. He assumes that my hurts has all been cured. All his assumptions did not grant me an assurance anymore. An assurance that I am going to take him back and pretend things will be at its moderate mode. Yes, we are back together but something is missed in betweens. The deep hole inside my heart. The wound that has caused so much pain.

If Keet wouldn’t have interfered into my life, I have no doubts and confusions at all into accepting Wyman back. No one has any idea how painful was I during the breaking off moment. Friends and close buddies did a lot to try to cheer me up and I do really appreciate them with the things they offered me. Time especially. Days and nights keeping me accompany, making sure that I am doing alright. Thanks so much peeps for everything. However in all of all, Keet has took up the extra mile in taking care of my feelings. He’s always just a phone call away. I like the way he cares for me and allowing me to be myself. The Teluk Batik trip was indeed a comforting sensation. Apart from the crying and shouting in the car, I enjoyed the loosen-up sense on the beach. Even the second time I went with him, my sense remain as loose as it may allow but with a little thing in extra. This extra little thing is so dangling with multiplicity of feelings. I may have a little feel or more for Keet. Is him just a bounce back or what? I can’t answer myself this.

At this moment, I just want things to go naturally. No point pushing myself towards the wall and not allocating myself to breathe.