holding grudges.

I am still struggling. Struggling to seek for an acknowledgement or better said, an affirmation, if he is still in love with me. I didn’t entirely move in to stay with him but I have been sleeping over at his place for a couple of months already. The physical distance got closer but strangely, I am feeling we are more than distant than we used to be. We have not been intimate for almost past three months, no matter how much I try to beg for it. Yes, I used the word “beg” as I really did but in return, it was all rejection and disappointment. I seriously have no idea if the problem is with me or it is with him.
He just made me feel unappreciated, trashed aside. Maybe I no longer appeal to him as once attractive or beautiful hence, he always used very mean description on me. Fat and Ugly. As much as he thinks I am that fat or ugly…he doesn’t really need to speak out and be it a joke or a fact, I am hurt, literally.

Too many of sappy and complaints blog entries lately, damn unhealthy. It seems I no longer know how to blog with happy moments I have endured with him. I really wish time would tell how serious is he with me. I am hoping badly the thoughts and words of buying house together and settling down...is not just another talk-cock-sing-song kind of thing. Baby, show me a future and not a dead end.