Disconnected

I felt so disconnected with him last night. I was out with friends for dinner and drinks till late night while he stayed home and slept early as he was feeling unwell. I don’t really enjoy my night as I was so distracted being worried about him. Rang him up a few times and left some messages via sms and FB. Wanted to drop by to see if he is doing alright or at least, I feel like giving him a big big hug and a kiss on the forehead but I am stuck and I can’t do anything. Just because I simply do not know where my boyfriend stays. -.-" Yes, I know I am a pathetic girlfriend. Hehehe. Well, at least, this morning when I gave him a morning call…I felt we are re-connected instantly again. :)

He is so yesterday.

Today, I have received a call from an unknown kl fixed line number with an instant question of a man asking, " Can I ask you something?". I replied with much courtesy, "Yeah. But who am I speaking to?" It was sort of a long pause before the man decided to speak. "LAI KOK KEONG".

Well, the most recent ex called. Regarding about the contacts from the iPhone he gave back, that he does not know where to search for the contact list in his hotmail account where Wyman has assisted him to sync. I asked Wyman, Wyman asked me to reply him…We just assist to sync, nothing more. Find out for yourself. Well, that’s what you get when things turned sour.

I won’t deny that I hate him so much to an extent, which I hope he fcukingly so doesn’t exist at all. I don’t want to have a possible moment whereby any of his news is spread to my ears or having the worries bumping into his family members or himself in any places or any unexpected occasions. I wished so much that he can just fcukingly go die right now. I know people say mean things when they are wrapped with fuming anger but actually, they don’t mean what they said. But I do. That awfully painful moment he put me into, those heart wrenching and soul-less haunting days and nights. He has no fcuking idea how bad had the breakup done to me and nobody has an idea how I managed to slog through that excruciating phase including myself. Times when I keep calling, texting and email him hoping so much for a feedback or an answer but it never happen. All I know, everyone around me who wanted me to be good, who tried to bring away those pain from me…went hopeless and clueless till they gave up on me. Recalling back those moments now, I can almost feel an instant stabbing pain right away in my heart.

With the “broken me” he has left behind, certainly he is not irresponsible enough to be called as a man. I know I am not good enough to be considered as his girlfriend and I am not wishing for a fair deal now, but I always believe in karma. What comes around goes around. I didn’t realize too that one simple phone call and text from him can rise up so much of resentment within me. I thought I had and in fact, I have actually learned to let go but what I don't expect is, the overwhelming hatred can be regenerated so quickly within a jiffy.

I wish there are a machine which can erase memories completely like what Raymond Lam has mentioned in the movie, "The Mysteries of Love." Seeing how struggle Tavia Yeung going through the break up, I can almost fall into her cast role and feel it personally as a whole. I tried too much and tried too hard till I found myself the silliest person now to have had love that man whole-heartedly. I know I used to love him alot, much more than anything else and I used blog about him happily...but its all gone. Damn gone. I am so much better off without him. :) Wasted of time and effort, huh? Yeah. Truly a waste.

Is "round" considered a shape?

I managed to finish all my reports and backend task right before 5pm today. Means I get to go home early and have a short nap to prepare myself for tonight’s mind-fcuking session watching Inception. Well, at least, that’s what I was told about the movie. Hehehe. Tomorrow will be my off day as well… Super YAY!

I am so freaking round already. Gained weight drastically- People said when you are in love, you will surely become fat. I must be superbly in love then, because I am so fcuking F.A.T. and round now. I tried to convince myself it’s babyfat but FCUK NO. Everyone around me is throwing me questions, “Why are you so fat edi?” or “What has your boyfriend been feeding you…so fat jor geh?” Damn argh~!!! Heartbreaking like shit wei…because I have not determination to go on diet. :(

Tipsy-ness's words of truth

Am being a lil bit tipsy at the moment being with myRichard and some of his friends watching football match -Uruguay vs Germany- at
Oval de Garden. It has been a month of being together and i am loving every second being attached to him.

He may have flaws, he may have moments where he will lose his temper on certain sensitive issues... But never a second i am feeling he has left me behind. Sometimes, i do question myself in order how to pro-long happiness like what i am having now... But deep down inside, everyone knows clearly we dont and we cant predict future.

I love you, Richard. I really have no idea how to make you stay nor do I know how to keep you with me but I certainly will treasure every moment spent being together with you. Yes, my ex has truly been a jerk where he has betrayed my love and hurt me the most but he is so yesterday now. I have stopped thinking about him ever since you decided to walk into my life. Thanks for being yourself and loving me like there's no tomorrow.

I feel that my life now is so much meaningful than before. :) Muacks... Yes, Mr. Right... Finally you have popped up!