Selfishness

Too soon to tell if I am leading a healthier life right now but I have made myself possible to stay home and not straying outside at wee hours being tipsy or drunk. I guess I need to learn to love myself more than anyone else does. No more giving wrong signals to any men from the clubs, no more hinting to certain men I am being so so so “single” or no more hitting on those Mr. Wrongs and having dangerous dates although I think I have not reach to that extent yet. Hehe.


I don’t want to be in any relationship at the moment but at the same time, I don’t like the feeling of hanging loosely on nothing. I think I still don’t know what I want.
“Soul searching mode [ on ]”

Last night before I was off to bed, I thought for a little while. Deep thoughts, actually. I caught myself enjoying with the treatment the others are offering me. Being my breakfast, lunch and dinner companions, my chauffeur (driving me around and even to and fro workplace), being protective towards me if something nasty happens, etc. Why are they treating me so well? Why should they give in to me all the time without much complains? I really feel selfish for unwilling to be fair to everyone. One of them is showing his interest towards me and have yet to confess, another one is giving all he can trying to own me, and the one whom I seem to develop mild interest in, afraid and clueless if he should take a step further towards me…I am just confusing everyone around me who are treating me good. :(

I don’t feel like losing any of them but I seem to be enjoying the moments whereby I don’t need to commit to any. I have grow to become more and more selfish