Keeping the door open.

I felt very very very bad. I indirectly rejected KF. He can be the nicest guy left on earth but too bad and sad; the chemistry is just not there. Or maybe not there YET. I don’t know- lah. He is not being demanding but his action is a bit pushy towards me. He made things as if I am already his girlfriend which I am not. I am definitely not ready to be in a relationship still. This is weird. It is coming to 3 months that I am single and I guess this is my longest record of staying unattached.

KF has went off to some business trip with his family members for a week, I can have finally have time on my own, doing my own favorite things myself. Sleeping naked underneath my comfy blanket with dim lights while MSN-ing via iPhone till I fall asleep. I am not complaining that he is eating up my time, just that I wanted to spend some and more time being alone or going out with different people. I really dislike it when he tries to interfere me going out with my friends or my new found friends and shooting questions like, “Why aren’t you going out with me but him/them?” or the classic one, “Oh, so you are occupied. You don’t need me now is it?” I went speechless not because I do not know how to answer but I am tired of answering the same questions again and again.

The day before he left Malaysia for his trip, he text me and told me he felt uneasy about us and that lately we have talk less. He told me he may not be the best for me but he felt really comfortable being with me. I didn’t know I can give such impact to others or he has not really understand my complexities and know me well enough like my ex does who has finally decided to leave me behind the dark. I told him straight, “no beating around the bush”; that all I need for the moment is time and not a new boyfriend.

He has not grown to be a man yet and I don’t want a boy. He is good but can be better. However, I am not shutting doors entirely for him or for anyone. Life is about making choices and love can be an option too. I want to make sure, the next one I am going to fall in love or going to be with has to be “the one” although I know it’s hard and I have been almost going forever having that thought in every relationship I ventured into. Blerks! :p