what matters most

It burns my heart whenever I see him struggling with his troubled mind trying hard to settle off his problems. Be it financial, be it career, be it anything…I just seem to be a not so fulfilling girlfriend to him. I wanted to share his lows and downs, I wanted to be right there for him whenever he needs me to, and for the utmost, I just wanted him to be happy at all times.

Never have I seen him being so out of mood before. He seems like going through some depression and at first, he doesn’t even want to open up to me until one night, he told me about the pressure and problem he is dealing with. I felt so shallow in an instant that I always pester him for this and that and even raising up my voice talking to him if he doesn’t please me with the things he does. That is the night that I hugged him so tightly to sleep. That is also the night I felt my love for him has gone so deep that freedom and money is no longer a matter to me anymore.

I will never ever again to complain if he has not spent enough for me. I will never ever again to pester him for any ridiculously expensive gifts. myRichard is more than all these. Yes, it struck for a little while when others try to chuck in their two cents worth of sayings to me that I need to marry a man who can give me happiness and who can ease my financial worries. I believe in myRichard will do his level best to give me everything he could afford of. It is just a matter of time.

Being my Valentine

Some say, LOVE is simple. Some say, LOVE is demanding. He says, LOVE is everything and I say, LOVE is all about you and me.

Mr. Boyfriend @ myRichard @ Bulat Cho, has a Maxis Dealer’s dinner to attend on Valentine’s Day itself, hence I have no rights to cage him up selfishly for myself. We somehow had a pre-Valentine’s dinner at San Francisco Steakhouse on the eve and followed by a movie, I <3 Hong Kong.

To be truthfully honest, I understand well that Valentine's Day is just like any extra ordinaire day where florist, restaurant and gift shops get the chance of slitting the throats of every men. If there is love, everyday is Valentine's. And yet, I still pester my baby for dinner, flowers and gifts! :p Talking about inconsiderate girlfriend. I admit I am. Tsk tsk tsk...

Thanks, love. For everything. The dinner, the gift, the movie and most of all, YOU...being with me through all the high and low, thick and thin. I love you heaps, my Valentine.


Special delivery to the center on Valentine's . A dozen of red roses.

Boyfriend's special message on a lousy standard florist card. Hehehe

:)

Facebook turns me into a stalker. OMG

I just can’t understand better why I do not feel like blogging much lately. I have logged in numerous of times to my blog account but I just went with total blankness in choosing the words to write about. At one minute, I wished to share about stories between myRichard and me, but the next minute, I realized I just closed my netbook and continue lazing on my bed doing crappy stuff. eg. Fb-ing hours and hours reading friends’s posted status and going through those uploaded photos. I know I am such a pathetic loser who seem wasting so much of my pleasure time stalking on others and the most pathetic thing is I seem to be enjoying what I am doing. Sigh…

2010 ends with much surprises and love

I had ended my 2010 year with so much of surprise and love. My boyfriend is my biggest catch in 2010. Nothing else seems to be happier than owning him selfishly. 2010 is so much of a year could ever bring. Not forgetting the lows too that had mold me a better girlfriend than before. It is so true. I have facts to support my statement eh. Also witnesses too. Hehe.

My 2010’s Christmas has pulled through and overcome what I had in 2009’s Christmas. I have never liked Christmas this much. Seriously. myRichard has made me feel, I am the happiest and luckiest girl ever to love and be loved unconditionally. Muacks, baby! Thanks thanks thanks. For the lovely Christmas dinner at Indulgence and also the acer’s aspire one netbook to kill my excessive boredom when you are at work. Simply loving the thoughtful gift of yours and in return, I do hope you love your surprise gifts as well.

I am so looking forward with the every special occasion to come, I wanted to spend it all being with myRichard.

Early Christmas Wishes

"Painfully slogged through a hurtful Christmas last year and yet again, another Christmas is approaching near. I do ponder if Santa would compensate me with better things / happier moments for this year Christmas or not..."

This was my fb post status prolly two weeks back. Never in any one-second-thought that I ever wanted to go through that phase again. A truly deeply heart wrenching moment, what a gift of love for my previous Christmas from the ex-boyfriend! So this year, instead of making wishes to get compensation for my Christmas gifts, I actually put myself in a spirit of giving instead of receiving. Less expectation, less disappointment. Don't get me wrong, I still love good surprises and don't mind at all if myRichard wanted to shower me with branded handbags, diamond ring, cash, etc. However, just the other very night I showed him a Gucci tote bag online, immediately he closed my whole internet explorer. How mean!

But the surprise I got for him as Christmas gift has finally arrives today. Can't wait to get it nicely wrapped up and give it to him on Christmas eve. I am so freaking broke for the months to come but I think...at this moment, he truly worths all these. :)

myRichard + me @ Taipei

Intense sorts of feeling was oozing out and drive me to blog today. There was a system glitch at work today; hence all my tasks are delayed and I guess that’s when the oozie feeling to blog pushes in.

Been a month after the Taipei trip with myRichard, the overall trip is partially alright only. Why? We can’t do much or travel to outdoor places as it was raining almost every single day there. Despite the doomed weather, I still spent awesome moments sticking to my boyfriend under the polka dots umbrella he stole from others. Hehe.

Out of the ordinary thing to do there is watching movies because tickets are so overpriced compared to Malaysia. But we went and watched anyway because we were too bored. LOL. We didn’t even club there and we don’t even know why…I guess our cash were mostly spent on food. We paid a visit to Hello Kitty Sweets for high tea, the overall ambience is so “Hello Kitty” and I am not really a big fan of it but it is one cool experience because Malaysia has none. Hehe…And the most scrumptious dinner ever I had in Taipei was the “Mala Hotpot” because they serve generous amount of good stuff, Haagen Dazs ice cream especially. Other than that, everything just seems down rated. Somehow, things there don’t really amuse me as much as Hong Kong does.
But but but, I still heart it heaps to go on a vacation with my loved one. :)


Hello Kitty Sweets~


MALA Hotpot at XiMenDing.


Nice movie with touching plots.


70 plus ringgit spent for wifi purpose. LOL. Anyway, I do heart "Haagen Dazs heaps.


Beer there is so cheap! Unbelievable eh...


Stuff that we bought. I overwritten him. Hahaha...

I love you baby!

There are times where i will miss my ex tremendously, from the ways they love me or the ways they care for me... But i must always remember the ways how they tend to hurt me... Or else i won't find you in my arms and to experience what love is all about. Baby... Thanks for dropping by and to offer what others can't tend to give.

I love you so so so much...







I really wish we could proceed to the next step... To simply love you with what I have....

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A little bit of this and a little bit of that

It's sad when someone you know, becomes someone you knew. When you can walk right past someone like they were a never big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk to them forever, but now you can barely even look at them. –copied from my facebook shout out.

KF and Ray (KF’s cousin) came to center last week to purchase iPhone4 and I made arrangement so that they did not need to queue up at all for the transaction. Our moment was just Hi and Bye only. My feelings was something like the above phrase that I highlighted in BOLD. I think we don’t bother to keep in touch ever since what happened on my birthday eve. I lost a friend just because we are not destined to be lovers, but I am not regretting also that I have chosen myRichard because that’s what I really wanted.

Any-the-way, my traveling dates are getting closer. I CAN HARDLY WAIT AT ALL. Sorry for the caps, I just wanted to throw out my anticipation for the trip. I guess I am overly excited until I had purchased a digital compact camera. I let go the limited edition T99 Sony cybershot with those encrusted crystal (the one I posted in my previous post entry) and bought Cybershot TX-1. Better features wor. Haha. I know nuts about cameras but as it was highly recommended by the sales person, I don’t see a “no” lor.


my newly bought camera


And my bestie, baby ChoyLing, has finally tied the knot with her beloved husband, Kevin Goh on last Sunday, which in fact, she has already signed the papers somewhere in May this year and the wedding dinner was a later announcement to the public. They are now declared as husband and wife legally and the biggest gift from God is they are expecting for their firstborn very the soonish. Eventually, baby is two months pregnant neh. I can’t wait to teach the little one how to say frog and whatever. I know I am a real bad influence. Hehe.

Travel buddy found~

Travel buddy found.
Flight tickets bought.
Hotel room booked.
Places of Interest are researched.
*All-sponsored trip. Awesome, kan?

I will be intruding into Taipei next month with myRichard. 6 Days/ 5 nights on a foreign land with unknown sapiens. So looking forward into it. 4 more weeks counting down. It is going to be my first trip traveling to oversea with someone known as a boyfriend, wishing it will be a fun and unforgettable vacation together.

Planning to get a compact camera for the trip, my T9 Sony cybershot was nowhere in sight prolly two years back and I don't even bother to get a new one because iPhone is so convenient. Snap and can upload straight away to FB.

I must still get a proper digital camera to snap snap pictures with myRichard for our getaway vacation. Believe it or not, we have not really taken any picture together. The only one also is his buddy's birthday and it is a group pic some more. Am considering into getting the limited edition T99 Sony cybershot again. I was told Canon picture quality for night scene is much better but I am damn attracted to that Sony's camera design.





Very very tempting eh...

You made me sick. You fat bitch.

A friend told me many funny things about myself. She heard from an ex Maxis promoter who shares the same name like I do said that I am a very materialistic person and that bitch has a shock of her life that my current boyfriend drives only a myvi and yet I have started a relationship with him. What is funnier is I turned down my ex, Wyman, when he wanted to court me back with the reason, he is driving a myvi. For fuck’s sake…I am so pissed.

I look into my boyfriend deep into his eyes piercing through his heart to know the fact, I am certainly being the happiest girl on earth to be showered with his love and not his MONEY and within these 3 months I can proudly tell everyone I am indeed a good girlfriend. To him, at least! Not all times lah, but I fcukingly make sure he will have his meal on time every time he is scheduled to be on road shows. I made no complaints to bring dinner for him even though I haven’t had mine. I even try to cook proper dishes for him. So am I doing all these for money’s sake? Bitch, you can suck my toes and lick my anus for all these lies you laid upon me.

So I was putting up a good show for everyone to see that I was being so ridiculously worried when he was sick and can’t reply or pick up my calls and text messages, is it? If I am all up just for money…I definitely won’t be together with my current boyfriend who I called myRichard. I do have a choice or should I say multiple choices…I was in dilemma when I do not know which one I wanted to be with as my options were more than just one...but I know I can’t really compare them with what I got now because myRichard has certainly become a big part of myself and he has definitely made a huge difference in my life now.

So, shut the fuck up bitch. Because you really had rage up my anger with those brainless quotes you made about me. You can go fuck yourself up and burn to death together with those dim-witted brain juices you left there. You can call me ill-tempered but not materialistic. I am just being realistic at times but who does not? That's why I choose my friends wisely. Unlike you who totally can't fit into my friend's list. I hope every lie you said about others would trigger a maggot's bite on your hairy nipple and very soon, your boobies will be damn rotten that they will eventually be seen dangling dettaching from your fat body. Awww...I feel so bad. :( BUT SCREW IT, YOU FAT BITCH. AMEN!

Sweet thoughts

I am having myRichard sleeping right beside me now in a very cozy posture. I realized within a short periodical of a few months, I am totally falling completely in love with this man. He has surpassed everything that every single girl wishes her boyfriend to be. Too early to judge? But everything is so dreamlike being with him.

He has never fails in making me laugh at both of our clumsiness and silly stuff. We are reminded by his friends all the time that the world doesn't only consist me and him. Hehe... But to me, he is already my whole world.

Disconnected

I felt so disconnected with him last night. I was out with friends for dinner and drinks till late night while he stayed home and slept early as he was feeling unwell. I don’t really enjoy my night as I was so distracted being worried about him. Rang him up a few times and left some messages via sms and FB. Wanted to drop by to see if he is doing alright or at least, I feel like giving him a big big hug and a kiss on the forehead but I am stuck and I can’t do anything. Just because I simply do not know where my boyfriend stays. -.-" Yes, I know I am a pathetic girlfriend. Hehehe. Well, at least, this morning when I gave him a morning call…I felt we are re-connected instantly again. :)

He is so yesterday.

Today, I have received a call from an unknown kl fixed line number with an instant question of a man asking, " Can I ask you something?". I replied with much courtesy, "Yeah. But who am I speaking to?" It was sort of a long pause before the man decided to speak. "LAI KOK KEONG".

Well, the most recent ex called. Regarding about the contacts from the iPhone he gave back, that he does not know where to search for the contact list in his hotmail account where Wyman has assisted him to sync. I asked Wyman, Wyman asked me to reply him…We just assist to sync, nothing more. Find out for yourself. Well, that’s what you get when things turned sour.

I won’t deny that I hate him so much to an extent, which I hope he fcukingly so doesn’t exist at all. I don’t want to have a possible moment whereby any of his news is spread to my ears or having the worries bumping into his family members or himself in any places or any unexpected occasions. I wished so much that he can just fcukingly go die right now. I know people say mean things when they are wrapped with fuming anger but actually, they don’t mean what they said. But I do. That awfully painful moment he put me into, those heart wrenching and soul-less haunting days and nights. He has no fcuking idea how bad had the breakup done to me and nobody has an idea how I managed to slog through that excruciating phase including myself. Times when I keep calling, texting and email him hoping so much for a feedback or an answer but it never happen. All I know, everyone around me who wanted me to be good, who tried to bring away those pain from me…went hopeless and clueless till they gave up on me. Recalling back those moments now, I can almost feel an instant stabbing pain right away in my heart.

With the “broken me” he has left behind, certainly he is not irresponsible enough to be called as a man. I know I am not good enough to be considered as his girlfriend and I am not wishing for a fair deal now, but I always believe in karma. What comes around goes around. I didn’t realize too that one simple phone call and text from him can rise up so much of resentment within me. I thought I had and in fact, I have actually learned to let go but what I don't expect is, the overwhelming hatred can be regenerated so quickly within a jiffy.

I wish there are a machine which can erase memories completely like what Raymond Lam has mentioned in the movie, "The Mysteries of Love." Seeing how struggle Tavia Yeung going through the break up, I can almost fall into her cast role and feel it personally as a whole. I tried too much and tried too hard till I found myself the silliest person now to have had love that man whole-heartedly. I know I used to love him alot, much more than anything else and I used blog about him happily...but its all gone. Damn gone. I am so much better off without him. :) Wasted of time and effort, huh? Yeah. Truly a waste.

Is "round" considered a shape?

I managed to finish all my reports and backend task right before 5pm today. Means I get to go home early and have a short nap to prepare myself for tonight’s mind-fcuking session watching Inception. Well, at least, that’s what I was told about the movie. Hehehe. Tomorrow will be my off day as well… Super YAY!

I am so freaking round already. Gained weight drastically- People said when you are in love, you will surely become fat. I must be superbly in love then, because I am so fcuking F.A.T. and round now. I tried to convince myself it’s babyfat but FCUK NO. Everyone around me is throwing me questions, “Why are you so fat edi?” or “What has your boyfriend been feeding you…so fat jor geh?” Damn argh~!!! Heartbreaking like shit wei…because I have not determination to go on diet. :(

Tipsy-ness's words of truth

Am being a lil bit tipsy at the moment being with myRichard and some of his friends watching football match -Uruguay vs Germany- at
Oval de Garden. It has been a month of being together and i am loving every second being attached to him.

He may have flaws, he may have moments where he will lose his temper on certain sensitive issues... But never a second i am feeling he has left me behind. Sometimes, i do question myself in order how to pro-long happiness like what i am having now... But deep down inside, everyone knows clearly we dont and we cant predict future.

I love you, Richard. I really have no idea how to make you stay nor do I know how to keep you with me but I certainly will treasure every moment spent being together with you. Yes, my ex has truly been a jerk where he has betrayed my love and hurt me the most but he is so yesterday now. I have stopped thinking about him ever since you decided to walk into my life. Thanks for being yourself and loving me like there's no tomorrow.

I feel that my life now is so much meaningful than before. :) Muacks... Yes, Mr. Right... Finally you have popped up!

I wanted to trust so badly. that the nightmare has finally ended...

Was reading Orange’s blog just now, it has been quite some time since I last read about her blog. Her latest entry was written about her happiness with her one-month-together boyfriend. By reading that stuff, I almost could feel their contentment at my side as well, it is never easy to feel such love, and those feelings come naturally without any hold back. Looking at myself now, if anyone were to throw me the question, “Will you ever be able to love without holding back after for what had happened in your previous relationship?” I might have a lifetime of doubt answering that.

Simply not because of I have not enough of trust or faith in myRichard or myself, somehow and someway…life is so unpredictable, as always. I did not let go my previous boyfriend, he just walked away like that. Don’t fcuk, don’t care…he left me alone completely without turning back. Ouch. That hurts badly. Because of him, I felt myself at the bottomless pit of my life. I felt I was the worst girlfriend, the worst partner in the whole entire universe. I felt like shit. Many many times, I wished so much that I never had met Babyboy at all in my life; maybe I won’t be so pessimistic-thinking about relationship now. I could be a happier person.

I remembered hugging myRichard crying badly how hurt it was being dumped, being neglected by my ex whom I thought he was my everything. I cried twice for the same issue. But each time, without failed, myRichard will pamper-pamper me back, wiped off my tears, hugging me back and telling me, he is here now and he will never ever walk away like my ex did. He will try his very best to love me with all he has. I wanted to make believe that the nightmares has finally come to an end...but I don't want to have hopes that might be trashed in the end as well. Sigh...

A day of love

My menses cramp almost killed me yesterday. Luckily, myRichard came to the rescue at my workplace with medicine, Starbucks' signature hot chocolate and banana with chocolate chip muffin. It has been the longest time ever I feel so much of love. Thanks dear for all of these. :) xoxo...




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Bu Bu Jiak

After Babyboy has decided to walk out from my life, it took me freaking 5 months to adapt to his gone ness. It is my longest moment of staying single, being lost. There was so many times I just felt like giving love up, embrace into any men’s arms to ease my heartaches, even knowing well they are the wrongs ones. I was too desperate to get over him. I just don’t want to feel being dumped, trashed alone and unwanted. I hate waking up every morning feeling so empty about my life. Yes, I do have 700 over friends in my facebook account and I know all of them personally, everyone must have thought I am a social butterfly and the term “L.O.N.E.L.Y” almost never exist in my dictionary but no one has actually understand my inner self more than myself do. (And I still find it hard to understand myself from time to time)

I was feeling so alone even though I went out almost every single night with different group of guys. Came home tipsy-tipsy, sitting on my bed, hugging on my pillows, looking at the bedroom walls…there it was, the emptiness crept in again. I felt as if I am living with an empty soul. I will start to question myself over and over again, if I may had done so much of wrongs till I deserve to feel this way or perhaps, have I not done enough then that I am being treated this way? For me, getting into a relationship is as easy as ABC…but having someone who loves you dearly and vice versa, you need a cupid to do the all the magic.

I do a bit of reading on my previous posts, how happy I felt about my ex(s) when we first got together and then how we got into disagreement on each other certain dealings, to where we felt giving up on each other and to where we decided to walk out from each other lives, wishing we never have met from the start… How paradoxical, isn’t it? To have thought I had met the right person but found out he’s the most hurtful one in the end just because I have prioritized him too ahead of my everything and I was only an additional option in his life.

Apart from the above sappy post, there is an announcement to be made…I am officially attached again(s).

myRichard,

My life was a slump after my ex has left. Nothing else matters most anymore. Even that God has planted you in my life two years ago and both found each other rather much translucent, you with your life and I’m with mine. But then, out of the extraordinaire, two months ago the cupid has done the nastiest thing ever or maybe the sweetest thing to us, huh? And exactly a week ago, you are mine to hold. I remember your grip that night and it was tight, walking and passing by the people we know, no longer are we in denials about each other existence. We have absolutely made a difference.

I remembered it so well the first time you carried me walking past the dark alley, I almost cried out of joy…because I cannot believe what I felt at that time. I finally have found you, someone whom I have so much of strong feelings. Thank you for the on-going phone calls, sms and mms every 24/7 to keep me accompanied when you are not around. I can’t utter more how lucky am I to have you in my life to care and to protect. To share and to love. Thank you for loving me so much. For providing me so much of yourself. For making believe that you are REAL. Thank you for not making me as your option, but your need.

Bu bu jiak! Hehehe.
XOXO.


I love the stinky pillow you made for me so so so much

Mother's Day Update

Bak Kut Teh with super grandma on Mother's Day early noon. :)



The best grandma in the whole universe except when she is moody, she can be damn dulan but i still need to layan her because she cooks and do laundry for me. I "heart" you heaps, mama!



Damn nolstagic feel, right? My "pik kong", grandfather's elder brother.



My cousie baking cupcakes at home now for Mother's Day. As for my mum, she's still snoring at her own bedroom, as always...

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I want to buy a HUSBAND.

Workload is so overwhelming ever since I have been transferred to do admin administrative and reporting tasks on Monday. I am not even sure if this transfer made by boss is considered as an upgrade or a downgrade. What he told me is I will be able to monitor the center as a whole in term of our operational management, etc and it will contribute a lot to career advancement later on. Sounds flattered but actually everyone knows that AA work is a bit too much for any individual and the workload will be never ending one. Sigh. The only thing I can try to comfort myself is, since I will be having long working hours in the office hence I will be able to claim more for OT. 

Birthday is approaching. Will be marking 25 this coming 31st. I am pretty upset actually because I reminisce back a lot on my last year birthday where my ex brought me up to Genting to spend quality time with me on my birthday since we only meet on weekends. Truly enjoyed every second spent with him but that has already been a past tense. I thought too much. Hey, this year birthday should be better lots, right? Gawd, I must keep on convincing myself it will be a better one and when the day comes…maybe I will just find it nothing special at all and somehow, someway, I would even feel that it is just the same like any other ordinary day. Argh. Damn…I wanted to feel special leh! What some more I have taken 3 days off for my birthday and I don’t even have a plan for myself. Ish…The worst part of all is I can feel the pressure of being aging…and my status is still single. Baby Eliza just got engaged two days ago and more or less, I do feel a pinch of pressure jor and it’s bloody unhealthy to have such thought. I want to buy a HUSBAND. Hehehe.