Bu Bu Jiak

After Babyboy has decided to walk out from my life, it took me freaking 5 months to adapt to his gone ness. It is my longest moment of staying single, being lost. There was so many times I just felt like giving love up, embrace into any men’s arms to ease my heartaches, even knowing well they are the wrongs ones. I was too desperate to get over him. I just don’t want to feel being dumped, trashed alone and unwanted. I hate waking up every morning feeling so empty about my life. Yes, I do have 700 over friends in my facebook account and I know all of them personally, everyone must have thought I am a social butterfly and the term “L.O.N.E.L.Y” almost never exist in my dictionary but no one has actually understand my inner self more than myself do. (And I still find it hard to understand myself from time to time)

I was feeling so alone even though I went out almost every single night with different group of guys. Came home tipsy-tipsy, sitting on my bed, hugging on my pillows, looking at the bedroom walls…there it was, the emptiness crept in again. I felt as if I am living with an empty soul. I will start to question myself over and over again, if I may had done so much of wrongs till I deserve to feel this way or perhaps, have I not done enough then that I am being treated this way? For me, getting into a relationship is as easy as ABC…but having someone who loves you dearly and vice versa, you need a cupid to do the all the magic.

I do a bit of reading on my previous posts, how happy I felt about my ex(s) when we first got together and then how we got into disagreement on each other certain dealings, to where we felt giving up on each other and to where we decided to walk out from each other lives, wishing we never have met from the start… How paradoxical, isn’t it? To have thought I had met the right person but found out he’s the most hurtful one in the end just because I have prioritized him too ahead of my everything and I was only an additional option in his life.

Apart from the above sappy post, there is an announcement to be made…I am officially attached again(s).

myRichard,

My life was a slump after my ex has left. Nothing else matters most anymore. Even that God has planted you in my life two years ago and both found each other rather much translucent, you with your life and I’m with mine. But then, out of the extraordinaire, two months ago the cupid has done the nastiest thing ever or maybe the sweetest thing to us, huh? And exactly a week ago, you are mine to hold. I remember your grip that night and it was tight, walking and passing by the people we know, no longer are we in denials about each other existence. We have absolutely made a difference.

I remembered it so well the first time you carried me walking past the dark alley, I almost cried out of joy…because I cannot believe what I felt at that time. I finally have found you, someone whom I have so much of strong feelings. Thank you for the on-going phone calls, sms and mms every 24/7 to keep me accompanied when you are not around. I can’t utter more how lucky am I to have you in my life to care and to protect. To share and to love. Thank you for loving me so much. For providing me so much of yourself. For making believe that you are REAL. Thank you for not making me as your option, but your need.

Bu bu jiak! Hehehe.
XOXO.


I love the stinky pillow you made for me so so so much