He is so yesterday.

Today, I have received a call from an unknown kl fixed line number with an instant question of a man asking, " Can I ask you something?". I replied with much courtesy, "Yeah. But who am I speaking to?" It was sort of a long pause before the man decided to speak. "LAI KOK KEONG".

Well, the most recent ex called. Regarding about the contacts from the iPhone he gave back, that he does not know where to search for the contact list in his hotmail account where Wyman has assisted him to sync. I asked Wyman, Wyman asked me to reply him…We just assist to sync, nothing more. Find out for yourself. Well, that’s what you get when things turned sour.

I won’t deny that I hate him so much to an extent, which I hope he fcukingly so doesn’t exist at all. I don’t want to have a possible moment whereby any of his news is spread to my ears or having the worries bumping into his family members or himself in any places or any unexpected occasions. I wished so much that he can just fcukingly go die right now. I know people say mean things when they are wrapped with fuming anger but actually, they don’t mean what they said. But I do. That awfully painful moment he put me into, those heart wrenching and soul-less haunting days and nights. He has no fcuking idea how bad had the breakup done to me and nobody has an idea how I managed to slog through that excruciating phase including myself. Times when I keep calling, texting and email him hoping so much for a feedback or an answer but it never happen. All I know, everyone around me who wanted me to be good, who tried to bring away those pain from me…went hopeless and clueless till they gave up on me. Recalling back those moments now, I can almost feel an instant stabbing pain right away in my heart.

With the “broken me” he has left behind, certainly he is not irresponsible enough to be called as a man. I know I am not good enough to be considered as his girlfriend and I am not wishing for a fair deal now, but I always believe in karma. What comes around goes around. I didn’t realize too that one simple phone call and text from him can rise up so much of resentment within me. I thought I had and in fact, I have actually learned to let go but what I don't expect is, the overwhelming hatred can be regenerated so quickly within a jiffy.

I wish there are a machine which can erase memories completely like what Raymond Lam has mentioned in the movie, "The Mysteries of Love." Seeing how struggle Tavia Yeung going through the break up, I can almost fall into her cast role and feel it personally as a whole. I tried too much and tried too hard till I found myself the silliest person now to have had love that man whole-heartedly. I know I used to love him alot, much more than anything else and I used blog about him happily...but its all gone. Damn gone. I am so much better off without him. :) Wasted of time and effort, huh? Yeah. Truly a waste.