Hidden Motive

I suggested going to KLCC to my group members for some packaging hunting. Okay, I lied. The group project outing was just a wrapped up excuse. My main motive is to do some shopping on outfits. I haven’t been buying nice clothes for quite a while. The very last time I spent on clothes was just a body fitting black tee from Adax that only cost me rm10. So, serious shopping is on-the-go. By the end of the day in KLCC, I just ended up with a cropped velvet cardi from MNG, rm119. Helped Yin Theng bought the same cardi but turquoise color. The shopping spirit died when I discovered the amount left inside my bank account because I have over-used rm200 advance of my allowance for the coming month. *Grumble...Mumble...* Resulting serious shopping down to the drain. However, am still glad that I bought the cardi top. I love it so much. The design, The fabric material. The color. Gosh…A must have item to every girl’s wardrobe. I have borrowed my digicam to Chew, so visual update about this cardi top must be postponed some time later. Think I am wearing it to sleep every night. :p blerks!!

My Power Color is Lime Green. Crap or Fact?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Often keep myself pondering if all these quizziez thingy are true enough to speak about myself...
It sounded so true (at least to my own perspective-lah) but I can't be bothered as I always find myself
being so unsure and uncertain in things and my very own pace of life...
Well, I do have a life to lead and as I always mention: Life is random, shit happens...
I don't live by words but the inner soul of mine...
Think I am crapping in some ways...
However, I simply lurve the generated color..Lime Green..

Serious Money Issue

Finally my part time job being a “marketing consultancy” for Yun Nam Hair Care and Sensualite Body Slimming Centre ended yesterday. “Marketing Consultancy…?” Sounded quite professional, huh? Well, maybe I should scope it down and call myself a promoter instead. Lol. This sounded more like it. Not a heavy job though. Going around Giant Kelana Jaya, spotting for balding people and overweight women and bug them to purchase some promotional vouchers. I only got to sell off 2 vouchers and Bel sold 5 by the end of the days! Damn.

The paid was so-so only and the working hours are horrendously draggy. Starting work at 9.30pm and finishing at 10.30pm. A total up of 13 hours each day and I am earning merely rm90 for a day. What the fish?! Let’s just say I had a terrible money issue here, thus I desperately needed the job. No, I am not into serious gambling issue that I am surrounded by debts. Neither I spent all my allowance in clubbing issue or what-so-ever. I wanted to save the extra income for future planning. Okay, my future planning includes of wanting to get an I-pod Nano, O2 Xda Mini, a new wardrobe collection of Armani Xchange, FCUK and DKNY clothings, a new digital watch from DKNY, design books that tagged with unreasonable pricings and trust me that the list will just repeating itself on and on but all carries the similarity where each item definitely costs more than a few hundreds and all the way up to few thousands ringgit. All these mentioned items are so tempting that no one could actually turned it off from one’s mind. Or at least to me? So do comprehend that money is the biggest issue I am facing here. How I wish money will flow out abundantly and miracously just like opening the water tap. “Keep on dreaming, Carmen_U”-> Ghee, I heard voices from nowhere…

Apart from the lengthy working hours, I did have fun sitting all day long cracking jokes and munching down on snacks with Bel especially the T’Lekor and the Japanese biscuits. I even like it more that we managed to attend work late and going home early without getting caught by Hazel-> Our supervisor. She’s just 20 and sometimes she just acted so unbelievably naïve and obtuse. I don’t want to start a bitching session here so I decided to upload some pics taken together with me and Joan and Bel. :)

Ignore the quality of the pic. Using only camera phone-LAH! What to expect, huh?

Trying real hard to be CUTE!

Oooo...GaaaGaaa...

Honestly speaking, we were having some serious issues here

Look at those balding men and overweight women!!!

Am I a mocking bird?

Wyman and I were still in a non-talking term. No phone calls / sms. Fine with me. I loaded my weekend with a promoter job and heavy yumchar sessions with Bel. Saturday night was such a tremendous meaningful night. I was more than glad to discover the dirt truth about “him”. For some reasons, I don’t wish to speak about the truth. Don’t even get me wrong that I am trying to protect “him” or what else, just some shit happened in between. Period.

After work, went straight to Jane’s birthday party in Breakers, Hartamas. At first, I almost put myself to sleep due to the boring atmosphere and on-going house music. Quite a lot of people turned up for the party and free flows of liquors and beers. I didn’t drink because I need to drive home plus my driving license died edi. Met Ed there and that really turned me off from feeling good. However, the night was made greater with this cute guy’s existence. We exchanged eye contacts but it almost put myself in tears when I didn’t even know what is his name and he left for lok-lok and Atmos. At first he invited me to join him but but but…I was too hook up chatting with Julian. Gawd-DAMN! Regretted so much and didn’t understand why I turned down the offer. Slutty me! :p blerks…

Didn’t really hang out for long in the party. I followed Julian for a yumchar session and there we have major and minor chats about “him”. Don’t ask me why Julian suddenly emerged into the picture. It’s going to necessitate hundreds pages to elucidate. Julian’s friends joined Julian and I for yumchar session in Hartamas Square and they are so funny people till I laughed irrationally and almost pee in my own pants. Went through hell lots of funny incidents and conversations with them. They gave me a nickname, Mocking Bird. I was the laughing stock for the night. After Hartamas, we then headed down to Subang for another yumchar session and also met up with a girl named Carmen, Julian’s friend. Both of us, the Carmen-s, were in the midst of seriousness issue production. We bitched about “him”. I know this entry may leave everyone with myriad of question marks but I really don’t want to undisclosed the truth that much. Sorry peeps.

I got home at 5 in the morning, looking dreadfully awful with the mess-ed up make up. Hahaha. Continued with a bit of bitchings in MSN and finally dozed off at 7 am. Guess what? Need to wake up for my promoter job at 9am. 2 hours of sleep only. Yes, my bodyclock is undeniably TWISTED. Oh yeah, I miss that CUTE GUY and unfortunately, I miss Wyman too.

Carmen_U, a lost soul

I felt so crappy all out of a sudden. Sitting myself here all alone in Puchong waiting to kill my time away by blogging. As I continue to blog, I felt a glimpse of loneliness and emptiness in life. Had an argument with Wyman yesterday night. I almost forgot what we argued about but I am gawd-damn-sure it’s just some craps, which we totally disagree about. He ended up telling me he is sick with my attitude. Yeah, I am such a pain to his ass/anus as he is to me.

For some reasons in living, having to stay in a relationship for almost 4 years with Wyman are totally mind trafficking and a battleship to me. Incompatibilities of financial status, attitudes, interests, family backgrounds, etc and the list should just go on and on. It really worries me about “our” future or better said, my future. He’s already 25 and I am still clinging in the age of 20. We both want each other to be really committed and we even thought of marriage too. Not every guy is ready for such commitment, I realized. For example, the “him” I had mentioned once or twice in the previous entries.

However, I took a step backward from thinking further about marriage and our future planning anymore. In the case that we have so much to disagree about, why bother getting together in the term “forever” if we really can’t click and comprehend and tolerate with each other’s flaws. What disappoint me most is his disorganized ways of spending which lead him to a zero percentage of savings. How to have vision together when nothing is done? I don’t want to fork out another few years time in waiting for miracles to happen. How many youthful years I could offer out?

I don’t want to be in a life that tight down with payments, installments, etc. I hate being broke all the time, but then once again, who wouldn’t right? It just cut my heart deeply whenever the thought of breaking up jiggling around my mind. An intense feeling of selfishness and materialistic revealed in my inner self. I hate myself so much that I just wanted to end it most of the times. I swear that there are times when I really wanted to be with Wyman forever (of course, when we are in those lovey dovey moods) and there are just so many blockages. Life has never been fair. One of the reasons why I very often got lost in tracks of what I really want and need.

I felt so fcuk'd!

I went out with that “guy” for the second time. Another risk taken in my life, I supposed. I realized we could not click that well BUT somehow I am attracted to him. He is so into his own world of being an existentialist and he could goes on forever with his passion in pursuing existence. I blame him not for his devotion into art and philosophy but somehow it just surprised me with his brain cells that could think much more than anyone else does or at least he rises up among people that I know. I admit that I do admire him and look into him deeply.

No, I am not talking about having crush over him or what. I just have this urge or impulse of wanting to know more about him. However, I did try so hard to stop thinking about him and the remarks about life and art he poured out to me. Shit, he is just so influential. I ended up thinking so much about him because in that everyday of my life there is a minute or two his words cross my mind. I felt so sorry for Wyman and myself. I see myself turning into a slut and this is so not RIGHT!

It is the dumbest and stupidest thing I could ever think or feel for others especially “him”. My intuition has always been accurately true. I sense that he is a very easy-going type of person that would never clinch to any commitment or promises. Casual dating will be the best description to explain this. I remembered going through his friendster’s testimonial and saw this lil girl’s who only age 18 posted her love dedication through poem to him, so eventually it struck me hard. I don’t want to hurt others as much as I don’t want to hurt myself. “He” knows I am pretty much attached and yet he could sms me telling me how much he misses me and stuff. Craps.

On the first go, I really feel like accepting his casual dating offers but somehow I just backed off. I think I will miss him a lot as a person that I could look so much into sharing perceptions about arts and inspirations. He has seriously enlightened me a lot. I felt so fuck’d now. I didn’t know he could leave such an impact. Danny is just so right. I'll lose alot perhaps I'll even lose myself out if I really wanted to be in "his" game. Wake up, Carmen! You got to fight to regain back your consciousness! Don’t stray away!

Mooncake Festive

Had a wonderful mooncake festive celebration with Fang, Yin Theng, Suhairil and Chee Keat up to the Kledang hill. The best farewell we could offer to Suhairil, I supposed. Gonna miss him heaps when he’s leaving next Friday for his studies. The night up in the Kledang Hill was so much to be proclaimed as just plain memories. It has portrayed out a bond, a strong and real bond of friendships I could ever attained from them. We goofed around and snapshot a lot of pictures for remembrance. Believing that fate has brought us together, can anyone imagine the possibilities of having few individuals bumping into each other and becoming friends as the world consists thousand millions of all human kinds and and and and additionally…we managed to build bonds!

Carmen_U got tangled up with confusions

I just came back from going out with a total stranger who I just obtained to know from MSN. We went to Putrajaya for lake view. He left me with a deep impression. He’s W.E.I.R.D. I hardly comprehend what is he talking about at times. He seems to be someone who has deep thoughts about life and himself. I have never encountered with such person before and once in while, surprises just arrived in package, I assumed. He influenced a lot in the way I used to think. He told me life shouldn’t be in a stable stage, it’s not normal. We’ll never learn and will never ever see the real surreal side of the world if we never leave our comfort soon. So, life should be volatized. However, I just found it is very difficult in understanding him. Maybe I am dumb? This must be the biggest explanation for the whole confusion. By the way, I saved his name as Lionel-The Serial Rapist. Nope, he did not sexual harass me or done anything to me. It’s just that the name suddenly popped out from nowhere. Yes, I am a very creative person and inspiration is every corner of the world. LOL.

Gosh, I think I am going to have a terrible migraine now. He is just too philosophical with his observation and the way he conceptualizes things. He drowned me with all these. I must admit I did look like a dumb blonde next to him. Wait...I am not a blonde…Erm, more like a dim-witted sapien to him. Can’t everyone in this whole wide world to have a simple thinking ever? Everyone just confuses me each day! WHY? I am so devastated with questionnaires again.

At this very minute, I thought I know what I want in life and I am contented with what I already got. At another minute, I got so unsure with things and troubled with finding my real self. What is happening to me? Why life has to be so confusing? By the way, I am chatting with him in MSN now. Hope I will get my answers from him.

I am crazee!

Christina abandoned me! I spent my whole weekend with Belinda in her crib doing assignments. Yes, I am a very “HARDWORKING” student. *Cough…cough…* Time spent on the industrial training report was dreadfully long and mind confusing. Having to dig back my memories all the way back to what had happened during the first day of internship till the end part of it! I think I crapped a lot or perhaps too much. Never mind about that because it has been completed and submitted.

Okay, there is something that I would like to highlight about my weekend stayed in Bel’s crib. Despite the lousy hours I spent on my assignment, I actually poured out more time to do lepak-ings with Belinda. Yes, I have a confession here. Over the weekend, I had two sushi meals, a “duck shit green” long skirt, two pairs of earrings, and a handset accessory for decoration purpose, a MAC eye shadow and also two necklaces for my peeps’ birthdays. These are okay still; at least I find the cash is well spent. There is this part where I took out rm15 to some I-bands show at Paul’s Place. I am not saying that they are not good but just a tad bit expensive for scoping only two bands playing. Sorry Mum and Dad, my cash is hitting the zero digits once more! I am so obviously draining my parents out.

By the way, Belinda also spent rm5 on a flying butterfly and she names it Annie-The-Guy-Butterfly. I see the point that generally my circle of friends is dominated largely with down syndrome, wacky and illogical sapiens. However, I really love them from the bottom of my heart up to the sky high high. Their rawking attitudes are ways better than having those “Gucci-Prada girls” to be my buddies. “They” irritate the hell out of me because I could hardly pronounce Salvatore Ferragamore and I ain’t sure if I had spelled it correctly or not. Grasp the point and know what I mean?? So, to people who seriously want a friendship from me, reveal yourself as retards. This is the basic requirement for a long lasting no bitching friendship offer I could ever give!

In a foreseen circumstance, I bumped into Voon (a college buddy of mine. She’s crazee!) with her super-love-to-be-scolded bf in Mid Valley. Finally, all these hurt and disappointment she has gone through from the previous relationships, this new guy here managed to make her surrendered back to the thing called “LOVE”. Awesome, isn’t it? I think she sure going to twirl that relationship into an abusive one. Hehe. Then I also did some daring stunt in Watson. I went and smacked Jeen and Belinda’s heads with Laurier sanitary pad. I know I sounded more or less like a psycho but believe me, it was fun.

Peeps, here’s some silly pictures you could indulge yourself into!

Regarded as the most "IN" trendy fashion for the year!

"Cacated" Posture

Belinda posing with Annie-The-Guy-Butterfly

The pregnant-ed Belinda

Becky with her unbeatable habit

Stuff that I have "cashed out"...

Uncaptioned

My previous countdown for National Day (2004) brought me shivers and fanatic delusion simultaneously!

Nothing big happened during National Day countdown. I was banned from clubbing with Soya just because I promised YinTheng to fork out my precious time to spend with her. Urgh! Never mind, the night wasn’t that boring. We walked to Jusco from Blu Café and my heels surprisingly didn’t hurt me this time. Yay, I am improving edi. Bought Baskin Robbins and walked back to Blue Café for dinner. It was like 10pm. The food was a tad bit disappointing. The mushroom soup wasn’t as cheesy as the first time I savored and the seafood spaghetti seems a bit tasteless. Never mind still, I have my Baskin Robbins Chocolate ice cream to compensate the downgraded dinner. The dull night continues to bloom in Rosa Café as Shirley and her man, CheeSeng wanna have a less noisy place to crap. Catch a glimpse of fireworks outside Rosa Café with YinTheng and Shirley. Okay, we did have some goofing fun in the end. Just that less calories burning activity. I have been sitting in different cafes for hours.

Was thinking back how did I celebrate the previous national day. Uhm, was stuck inside the traffic for 4 hours. However, Bel, Lips and me managed to catch the sight of the dazzling fireworks and bought those ribbon spray and started fanatical acts towards each other. It was FUN, minus the existence of Ed. I was more than glad in that particular year to have spent time with him but the more I think about him now, I could sense shivers down my spine. We started pretty fast and we ended pretty fast too. I have never been regretted so much in my whole entirely life to have “on” with him. I just don’t get it why will I ever fell for him? Did I really fall for him or it was just delusions? Every now and then I bumped into him in college, I dare not to look into his eye or his face. He gives me spooky feelings. I am very muchly contented with my life now with Wyman and hope I won’t be seeing Ed forever in my life. The history is just too disgusting to be revealed. However, having back Wyman make me realized so much of things in life, things that I don’t get to observe when we were together till we off the switch and on it back the second time, my vision then has came back to its conscious. Although we may squabble and start out heat arguments at times but life being with him has never made me ever feel regretted. Not even once.

This year countdown for National Day may not be something big but it somehow reminds me to feel lucky that I have finally grown from the past!

Unutterable..

I am going nuts. Assignments can give you so many shitty of feelings at times. I have turned down numerous offers of hanging out sessions from friends just because I am so hooked with my design work. Not like I am hating it but design can really eat up all my time for myself. I need a break! So I went to Mid Valley and spent RM450++ in M.A.C on Friday with Christina to release my pressure. Tak jadi to upgrade my powerbook cause I ended up in M.A.C. not MAC Apple. LOL…Got myself a basic and limited set of make up brushes, an eyebrow pencil, cream blush pot, a dark brown eye shadow and a new make over by the make up artist there. Not forgetting I received a free M.A.C. bag and TWO glitter eyeliners. I got lectured so much about the before and after steps for make up and the do’s and don’ts and GUESS WHAT? I didn’t remember a thing right after I stepped out from the shop. It was so darn complicating. I really think I need classes for all these beauty thingy.

I was so obsessed with my new make over that I almost snapshot myself for a hundred shutters. Yes, I could be so vain at times. I then mms-ed Wyman, Fang and Yin Theng my new look and told them about the money I have flung in for the sake of feeling good. As expected, Wyman complained that I spend too much on unnecessary and very soon he predicted I will be broke for don’t know how many weeks. Well dear, I am already BROKE. Fang said the look seems good to him. Actually that pic didn’t manage to show me with make up but thanks for the compliment. I need to save down his words for future reference and history review as half of my lifetime knowing Fang; he has not been saying anything positive or good about me. On the other hand, Yin Theng simply knows the best. Perhaps we are GIRLS and eventually we have this mutual understanding of feeling great by looking good.


All these feeling good finally came to an end when I was back to my apartment. What else could be so frustrating besides assignments. Need to step down the pedal and accelerate for completion. However, there is a blockage for doing so. Received a call from Dad saying he has traveled down to KL just because he quarreled with Mum and I wasted hours to listen to their trash. I don’t mean I hated my Dad or Mum (I do hate her for so many times actually) but I just don’t want to get stuck in their arguments. I am not a mind-reader or a physiologist. Don’t expect me to help because I know it will be useless. Sigh…Don’t want to mention what happened in betweens, as I don’t want myself to remember. My family is just so indescribable. No words could bring out the contents within. We never have this strong family bond or understanding for each other. I love them lots especially my brothers, I just wish there is one fine day till right to the end, we will able to spend quality time and have good time being together just like other healthy families do. Thus I need to work hard to offer them and yet I am such a terrible spender. *Blush..Blush..*

Updates...

A summarized updates about my on-goings for the past 12 days

1. Went back Ipoh. *Grin….*
2. Watched Charlie & The Chocolate Factory with Wyman. Awesome.
3. Dawdle around Ipoh. Mainly about food.
4. Came back to KL. Boring!
5. Rushing for assignments.
6. Shopped in KLCC and spent only rm25 for my lunch and camera casing. *Proud*
7. College...College...College…
8. Followed Yihua back to Ipoh again.
9. Joined Soya and the gang for clubbing session. Embarrassed myself with heels and dress while the whole gang clad with
only tees and jeans.
10. Worked on weekends and earned myself rm170 for two offered jobs from Ivan (Wyman’s football buddy). Easy money and
easy tasks.
11. Pestering Voon to get me my biotherm facial cleansing sets ASAP as my skin needs to be revitalized badly. Those jobs
need to make up and my skin can barely breathe.
12. Movie with Soya. Bewitched. Turned out to be pretty okay only.
13. Came back to KL and rotting session begins.

The Prime Minister Visit

College has this branding packaging function today and managed to invite Abdullah Badawi @ Pak Lah, Malaysia’s current Prime Minister, to launch the campaign. Was selected by Lawrence, my previous semester lecturer for Design Studies, to welcome the Mr. Prime Minister. Thought it was such an honor to be the chosen one but ended up damn disappointing. Stood at the exhibition gallery for hours with killing heels and only got to see him for 10 minutes. But distance damn near-lah, one or two steps away only. Those aggravating reporters and photographers can and will never quit tracking on Pak Lah and scooping for more pictures and jotting down things he about to say. My vision became real blur when Pak Lah passing by the entrance. Imagine all those cameras flashing non-stop and what I mean here is 20 to 30 sets of camera flashes. I wonder how many cells of mine have they killed? By the way, can’t they just leave the old man alone??? Pity him kaw-kaw. Like celebrity nia. No privacy at all. Going out to the malls also need to contemplate for a long time and can never leave home without any bodyguards to accompany. What a life! I am so glad that I am just an extra ordinary girl who leads a simple life. To conclude, I am a boring person. Hahaha.

Besides the tiring hours standing at the gallery, I still manage to mingle around the gallery having snapshooting sessions with Christina, Sarah, and Xian. CK (my Illustration lecturer who I really adore and people commented we do look alike) slipped into the flashy sessions with funny poses. Gosh, I miss seeing him in class so much. After this tired-comes-along-with-fun day, I hurried back Ipoh. The haze is worsening. This also implies I won’t be blogging till Monday, I supposed. However, I am quite lazy to blog. Hell yeah, all the assignments keep piling up and keep pouring in. Headache-NYA!

It needs not to be this way

Guess what? I found a really reasonable reason to be back home again in Ipoh for this weekend. “The HAZE!” Yay!!! Read the air pollutant index online just now and my area Bandar Bukit Puchong also can claim as an area near Putrajaya happened to trophy the third place. Jenqtat (my new-found mahjong kaki) will be back to Ipoh also. This means certainly I’ll be sleep-deprived due to the mahjong chill out sessions. Gosh. Loving it. Wish Fang will be back as well. Hardly got the time to actually chill together.

My life in KL is unbelievably chaotic. Despite the haze, those truckloads of assignments seem not going real well. I am being left behind with sketches and research to do and my acclamation of work done is in ZERO percentage. Just still not in the mood for college and believe me, am going to college for the sake of attending only. If there is any award winning for the sluggish student of the year, undoubtedly my name will be the first listed. I just hate to slug through my college life like this but then once again, I don’t seem to have a choice. But heck it, I could have just mixed myself with all those groovy clubbing hot chics to chill and care not for my studies. Damn, I just can’t! Hanging loosely without sense of directions. *Went bunny hopping to break the tense*

If life gives you lemon, made lemonade and what I mean is lots and lots of them. -> This used to be the axiom of my life but then came a “more than a stranger, less than a friend” sort of person woke me up by rephrasing the sentence. He said if life gives me lemon, say FCUK to life and made orange instead. So inspiring hor?

Balik Kampong!

Went through another lip smacking weekend back to Ipoh. Got an offered free ride back to Ipoh from Thaya, my man’s best friend. Nothing can beats the trippy happy feelings whenever I am back to my precious hometown, IPOH. Apart from the weekend routine, which is eating out the whole Ipoh, I actually went snooker-ing with Wyman and Thaya and was banned from the game after 5 mins. Wore an inappropriate outfit and accidentally outshined my cleavage. Got lectured by Wyman. Neh, not like I purposely did that!

The whole weekend was real free from restrictions. No promises for supper-waiting sessions with my man. Simple because of Wyman has decided to abandon me aside and Thaya is back in town is the attached reason. Yes, I do envy the amount of attention he put onto his best friend. It wasn’t that bad actually, I know I am exaggerating. Hehehe. Oh yeah, I finally watched The Island and trust me, it is a good movie with sense-making plot. But heck it, Soya and the gang decided not to buy my words anymore because I recommended Seven Swords to them and they find it suckie. However, I still think the movie is good and interesting. Never blame me for this, alright? *Giving a farking don’t care look* Well, I am also very eagerly anticipating to watch The Corpse Bride and Charlie & The Chocolate Factory which will be up for screening soon. Both also by Tim Burton, so there aren’t any reason for me to miss the movies.

Got to meet up with Wei Tek for a while this time. He was alcohol-ed but not at a drunk stage. Was sharing bits and pieces about his “uni”-life and also my horrendously sickening college life. I long for it to end soon but I don’t want to go out and start my working life this soon. Mum has been pestering me to start observing for jobs in KL or perhaps Singapore. She so doesn’t want me to be back to Ipoh. Bitch! She should hide herself in a corner and rot there. I don’t care. I want a long holiday after my course ends. I wanted to go HongKong for shopping spree and food hunting. Just can never get enough of those hongkish vibes.

I am BROKE again. Predictable, huh?

Attended my Design Studies class today and realized what a lousy lecturer I got to conduct the class and to teach us designs. Gosh. She speaks enormously dreadful broken English and that is completely mind disturbing and torturing. Every single word spills out from her mouth driving me to have the urge to bitch-slapping her kao-kao! She even boasted to the class about having so much of experiences in working in big companies such as Leo Burnett, Ntv7, NSTP, etc and seriously I couldn’t help myself but laughing hysterically inside. I am not trying to be mean to her but just having the thought of her working in those top leading companies with her ways of speaking broken English caused me to have uncertainties for her standards and abilities. She told us she has been changing jobs every year from Leo Burnett to Ntv7 and blah blah blah...just clinching to the reason that she was tired over her overwhelming jobs? It simply made no sense! I wonder should I better be praying hard so that she won’t get tired so fast and able to stick finish being a lecturer in order for us to graduate without any delay and mess that could caused by her. Well, I gravely hope she doesn’t read blogs or else I will undoubtedly never ever pass through this subject and getting to graduate. I would have to dig grave then…

Since she is a 24/7 tired person, the class ended rather early and we only went through a half an hour lecture on the module outlines and stuff. Yay! Set off to Sg.Wang for some window-shopping or at least that was what I had in mind at first. Spent the whole day there and eventually the window-shopping mindset had turned into a big disaster. RM500 just vanished into thin air. *WHOOSH..!* Gone. The money was contributed to some gifts I got for Soya’s birthday from Quiksilver, Biotherm facial products, food and miscellaneous. Only left RM175.82 to survive for this whole month of August and this coming Friday, my mates plan to give Red-box a visit. How to fork out money anymore when you clearly comprehend that money won’t flow in till September. Always hate it when I am broke!

Any-the-way, Wyman sms-ed and told me he had took Benji for full grooming this afternoon and that poor lil baby got freak out the moment he saw the lady taking out pairs of scissors. He even “ter”-chuck a shit out. Wyman added in saying now Benji looks more like a Terrier now than a mixture of Shih Tzu and Pomeranian. Wyman was also smart enough till he forgotten to snapshoot Benji’s pics to mms all to me. Bloody forgetful boyfriend I am having, huh? Well, can’t be complaining too much as well since he has wasted 1/3 of his working time to fetch my Benji for grooming. Okay, my boyfriend is actually a darn caring and loving man to me and to my baby! Stop the pukings in front of the screens, peeps!

Need sleep desperately now. Will blog again…

Philosophies of Carmen Yew's life.

Trouble minds, entwined emotions, shattered dreams, broken souls, etc. This is how I picture my accelerated life is about. No more such a thing called innocence or pure and naive childlike thoughts. As I grow, I grasped the fact that life has been contaminated with ambiguous of convolutions and fairy tales no longer emerge to bring hopes of contentment. However, it has not sink to the bottomless in life that I might need to give up my life yet. I will still need a longer run and a bigger capacity to actually kill myself for repeatedly believing that my life sucks and ‘rawks’ no more. Love & Hatred: The utmost intense of feelings that motivates human beings to stay and hang on and on. Either to love unconditionally or to hate entirely, it does not and would not matter anymore.

20 years of ongoings and still running on...I want a life with no regrets whenever I evoke back to my past. Yes. This is my set-to-be aspiration/guidance on how walk finish my life. And if I had to sum up my life in one word, it must and has to be "random".

Finally it has ended....

Internship has finally ended and instead of feeling triumphant by defeating boredom and stressful working hours, I felt a glimpse of reluctances of stepping out from Sil Ad. I would not deny the fact that Sa’ad Hussain is the man of the year. He taught me not only things needed to survive in the advertising field but also the purposes of driven life. Sigh, I really started to miss the team working there and really going to miss them heaps. Valerie, Paul, Mike, Dougie, Francesca, Big, Sai Kee, Mel, Mei Ling, Azrul, Dani, Alison, Pei Ling, Royston and not forgetting our office boy, Madi. Truly a bunch of fun-loving and down-to-earth sapiens excluding once in a while, one or two of them could be real exasperating and armed with wicked desirous but but but…I already left and completed my internship and the politics ended here. *Wicked laughs echo-ing…*

Ice cream FETISH

Hey peeps, I was back to Ipoh for the weekend once again and same old shit, got myself really in awe for the deliciously scrumptious food, the cool and salubrious air, the clean and crystal clear water. However, the main aspect that magnetizes me of going back Ipoh so often is non-other than my family and friends. Don’t know why can’t really click that well with my KL friends compare to the Ipoh ones. Maybe the Ipoh ones have gone through a stage in catching the sight of me growing up. Miss the companionships of Kokpin, Weitek, Moungkai, Usang, Wailoon, Kokweng and the rest. It just so pathetic and sad that everyone is being littered randomly everywhere for studies purposes. Not like last time when we used to hang out in this small town of Ipoh. Everyone is just so far away from each other pursuing dreams and goals and sometimes I do wonder will they lose themselves as in their real selves when they are in the midst of searching for their futures. I think I have lost mine.

Any-the-way, I went out for the Fantastic 4 movie with Soya and bunch of friends. It was such an enormously suckie plot. Told Wyman later on about that movie and yet he still went and watched. Geram-NYA.

On Sunday, received sms from Yin Theng, having to say she already “on” with Robin. Unsure if she has made the right choice or a very rushed up decision she got there. Worrying if she might be hurt again as she could have been forcing herself into loving someone she tend to like but not love. However, all these would not have an answer if she never attempts to try out. Praying here that Robin will treat her unbelievably good just like air flight first class service as she is farking fragile and sensitive and not forgetting farking demanding too. Hehe. That’s my girl.

Then yesterday night went out with Bel and her bunch of Taiping buddies. Ate a lot. Yes. Fat. Damn FAT. Only for dinner I had Tom yam Sotong with rice plus Thai grilled ray fish. That is lots as the portion is huge. I don’t know what has gotten into me, was very luring in eating ice-cream yesterday night also. Went to the McDonald in ss2 and only found out they serve only vanilla Sunday cone and not chocolate. Pathetic-NYA. Ended up in Uptown’s Baskin Robbins. Went home at almost one in the morning. Angered Wyman as forgotten to reply his sms and calls. Sigh, I really not in the mood for explaining. After my shower I dozed off to sleep straight off. Not trying to be mean but just dead tired and he’s 25. Should be matured enough and not getting angry at empty air.

Take it or leave it

Recently, I am being so mocked down with piles of design work. Comparing to the first week I was here with the current state, which is now is so ridiculously different. Yesterday working time has dragged till today morning. I only got to go home at 1 a.m. something and get up at 7 for work AGAIN. The work has been never ending. Those clients are so fastidious and I seem to be forever doing the same thing with different design outcomes. Getting numb to everything. How I wish that I could be anesthetized. At least, I have little time for my own than pressurizing my pea-sized brain for ideas, ideas, and more ideas. Gosh, I need a break desperately.

I have forsaken Wyman for quite some time and he already started to throw tons of complaints and all with my hectic working schedule. Baby, I can’t help it but bear with it for just another a week more as I’ll be finishing my internship real soon. You should be even more prepare that as college starts, I will be much more busier than now. I can’t possibly be spending too much with anyone or engage myself with anything for the reason that the coming semester will be my final to complete before I am landing to this brutally sick advertising line. Am still contemplating either move on with other kinds of jobs or still stick back to advertising. In the midst of regretting taking up design course but despite the pressure, actually once in a while I do enjoy what I am learning. Got to observe what others don’t notice and design is something very ORIGINAL. It somehow brings a character or characters to an individual. Interesting and yet suffering. So, it's either I take it or leave it.