Dumb Blonde

I know I have been really unspoken lately in my blog. It seems I have left it dead for a while before decided to drop by again with updates. Sometimes I really can go speechless with my life as myself…I do not know what I want from life or how I want it to be. Every now and then, I just wanted myself to be happy. As simple as that but in reality, it clearly shows happiness does not just happen like that, you need to work for it and you have to chase towards it and do some sacrifices to get the whole of it.

I did the dumbest thing ever. I actually went and sent my bf’s ex a message in Facebook. I wanted her to understand or try to be in my shoes that I really hate the idea of them keeping in touch. So many breakdown moments caused by this issue, so many heartbreaks I need to endure…So much of everything about her that almost cornered me with the urge of giving up our relationship. And so which I did…messaging her in FB, believing we are adults and I definitely can handle this issue myself hoping she would comprehend but right in the end, I just made myself the biggest fool of all. I am just allowing her to have thousand of reasons to condemn me. I was a bit disrupted when my bf told me that he heard this about me. And hey, it is so much of courage to actually click on the tab "send" and very soon, I regretted after the message is sent. Hahaha

The heart ached a little and I am not trying to be too defensive or what…I just thought if he is not making the move to protect me then I should do something to clarify to her. I even apologize to her when I definitely don’t need to…Well, some people are just plain disappointing. There are even more issues about her but I am just trying as much as I could to stay away. To stop myself over-worrying and it is a definite I must learn to loosen my grip and not putting love too ahead of everything. Gam Ba Teh! Who knows one day, I don’t need a man to live on and yet I can still be as happy as ever. :)