I can have a million reasons to cry.

So i screwed up my whole career advancement with Maxis? Yeah, I think I just did it. Blowing up in front of that lady customer and I am all amazed of myself to have purposely triggered her to file a complaint on me and the case has eventually went up the management and as expected, my conversion is now put on hold, it could forever be on hold. Most prolly all I have to do now is patiently wait for the warning letter to reach me and I can kiss my ass goodbye because it will be badly burnt. Yeah, life is that ironic. I have learn to live with it. Of course, it is such a waste after putting in so much of time and effort to my job and it so close to a sense of achievement...I just went and kicked it away. I'm angry at myself too that I know things won't turned out to be this ugly if I just were to tolerate just a little bit more but shit happens, right? :) Yes, I know...I am only comforting myself here so I don't need to feel so depressing as I am now. Boo hoo...I could just considered myself as unfortunate to meet such a customer and also so unfortunate for the customer to have meet me as well.

After that catastrophic incident, the hardest thing to live with is I need to write her an apology letter which I have now put aside after battling for an hour for the introduction and still ended up with a blank page. My colleague suggested me to send an E-greeting card. How hilarous, hor? Anyway, on the very day itself, I have already called up the customer and apologized to her personally which she has also accepted my apology. You definitely won't be aware on how it feels like to go through what I have just did. I cried talking to her. It was the crappiest thing to do and I don't want to recall that back. What done is done.

I carried this crappy feeling all the way down to KL to meet my bf. I wanted a hug so badly and I wanted to cry and cry and cry and cry until I am dead tired then go to sleep straight off. It did happen. After the drinking session with my bf's colleagues, I found myself crying at the backseat with my bf driving in front. Along the way, tears were flowing down my cheeks...at that very moment, I am so afraid to lose the relationship till I cried. I flash backed so much of the struggles I was put into during the break up with Uncle Wong. What if it happened again? What if I have to be in that scene once more? Damn. It was so fearful and scary. Plus the pressure from work and that particular thing which has happened, there are more reasons for me to cry. I am always a cry baby, I know crying won't solve any problem but I always feel better after crying. Maybe to me, it is an act of letting out the frustrations and the tied-up knots, huh?

Bf was caught with a little surprise to see me crying all out of a sudden and keep on throwing me with questions that I have difficulties in answering. Things sometimes are harder to convey out verbally, hence I always find my strengths in writings. I can express myself better this way. Bf asked me if his ex has caused the tears...Yes, in a way, she did. My feelings were a bit disturbed when she called to sing him a birthday song, I don't know how to put that in exact words but I know I was faking it to make myself look alright and maintain my coolness to make believe I am definitely not affected with a thing or two. It is really a small matter, hence I don't want to over-react and I shouldn't also. But I'm really unhappy and the weird feelings is eating me up. I'm still not a full grown, why can't I be a little bit more giving? But is it normal to be unhappy on that issue? Enough said. Sigh...I still need a lot more to be a better girlfriend, I supposed.

Felt my life damn gloomy like that...I screwed up my career and I hardly score in any relationships. I'm just good at nothing...as useless as most of the times. :(