Have there been regrets?

Basically yesterday night, I was reading through the 90 plus posts which I have blogged about since the existence of my first bf up to my most current one, the number forth placing. Yes. I only have 3 ex-s and a current bf. Surprised with the figure? I have many flings in between lah but those are not real thing, at least to me the feelings that I thought was real are just some delusion…The excitement or happiness that I first felt about those men transformed into fear and confusion drastically.

As I read through about those posts specially dedicated to my ex-s, Wyman, Skeet and even Uncle Wong…I have never realized I used to love them so strong and once so deep and Skeet especially. Yes. Those feelings were real and I have never pretended to be someone else when I was with them from the start. However, things change…People change, places change and they won’t and can’t stay forever in place but that doesn’t mean the past has been forgotten. There are always reasons why they are called my ex-s now but I’m glad that I have gulped down the past, be it sweet or sour memories we used to share, I have encapsulated them as memoirs that I choose not to forget.

However in spite of the lovey dovey touching stuff I written about, they still pissed me off every now and then. It’s a never easy thing to have form friendships after break ups but I did- all of them are still in talking term with me. Conversely, on certain time and certain things…barriers still exist.

The 4.5 years, Wyman- I have hard times communicating with my first ex, Wyman, as stubborn as he is…we are now working together under one roof, Maxis. Basically I intro the job to him, I helped him with his resume and even arranged him for the interview. As an ex-gf or even as a normal friend, I have done more than I should. Since we are seeing each other almost everyday, feelings are damn dead edi. We fought a lot still but not on boy girl relationship issue- it’s all about work. He’s still a nice friend to talk with but I just need to be cautious in selecting topics or else, we would end up quarrelling again. LOL.

The 1.5 years, Skeet- Things with baby Hamster is like a roller coaster ride. Damn happy and exciting at first, then the next second can be damn boring and frustrating. Throughout the whole journey, he’s the only one giving and I am the solely one who kept on demanding and taking. Maybe I just don’t love him as much as he did towards me. Haha. We still keep in touch once in a while. Crap a bit but we are so not the same anymore. Our levels of thoughts and mentality are just too huge in gaps.

The 1.1 years, Uncle Wong- What can I say about him? The man who lifted me up to sky high and dropped me off to the bottomless end without mercy at all? Or maybe the man who made me realized the stupidity in myself to actually blind myself and making believe lies are truth? Hahaha. He isn't that bad lah. Our paths crossed and we were couple and every single day and hour and minute and second spent with him, I live without regrets and love without hesitations. I was so real to my feelings about him, I was even looking forward to marrying him and I really really thought life is a definite fairy tale being with him. Somehow someway, we were just not meant for each other. I think through all the blog entries posted about Uncle Wong, it has been a clear cut that our relationship has finally gave up on us and he has given me up. Yes, I fell down and got myself dusted and I'm all alone. I hated him so much at first because I really have given all out to love him. Taking the first step out to move out from his place and having him removed from my life completely was really tough and mind-blowing. Cried like shit every single night, hugging my pillows to sleep and thinking of him which I tried not but failed tremendously. I could still feel the pain now. Seriously. I am not completely healed but I have moved on definitely. He has casted me a shadow of fear to trust. :(
As much as all the hurt he has implemented in me, I will never ever forget the love we used to share. Deep down inside, I know he has once loved and cared for me like no one else did. Not even my parents and not even my ex. Thanks for everything, I appreciate every bits of it. He's a friend still but I chose to avoid for better purpose. :)

:) From one relationship to another, they definitely made me a better person.