I wanted to trust so badly. that the nightmare has finally ended...

Was reading Orange’s blog just now, it has been quite some time since I last read about her blog. Her latest entry was written about her happiness with her one-month-together boyfriend. By reading that stuff, I almost could feel their contentment at my side as well, it is never easy to feel such love, and those feelings come naturally without any hold back. Looking at myself now, if anyone were to throw me the question, “Will you ever be able to love without holding back after for what had happened in your previous relationship?” I might have a lifetime of doubt answering that.

Simply not because of I have not enough of trust or faith in myRichard or myself, somehow and someway…life is so unpredictable, as always. I did not let go my previous boyfriend, he just walked away like that. Don’t fcuk, don’t care…he left me alone completely without turning back. Ouch. That hurts badly. Because of him, I felt myself at the bottomless pit of my life. I felt I was the worst girlfriend, the worst partner in the whole entire universe. I felt like shit. Many many times, I wished so much that I never had met Babyboy at all in my life; maybe I won’t be so pessimistic-thinking about relationship now. I could be a happier person.

I remembered hugging myRichard crying badly how hurt it was being dumped, being neglected by my ex whom I thought he was my everything. I cried twice for the same issue. But each time, without failed, myRichard will pamper-pamper me back, wiped off my tears, hugging me back and telling me, he is here now and he will never ever walk away like my ex did. He will try his very best to love me with all he has. I wanted to make believe that the nightmares has finally come to an end...but I don't want to have hopes that might be trashed in the end as well. Sigh...