Day Four

You have not been calling nor texting. I know the two weeks time you asked for is just a way to ask me to let go of you. I will. Cried too much, no matter by how much i wanted you back, things can never will be the same ever again. No more babyboy such thing. Everything has gone. Including you. You have left me just when i needed you most.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Day Three

I am feeling more and more helpless about us. I miss you every now and then and I miss you even more even though I try to limit myself to. But the hurtful feelings...I can't put words to it. They are just too painful to be bear alone. I am wondering how about you there. Do you struggle like I do as well in order to pass through another day or you are really happy to be on your own now without my phone calls and existence.

Whenever there are people around me, I found myself that I can still control to put you off my mind for a little while. But it is only for a little while. I know I need to be strong. Not to defend our relationship anymore but be strong to learn the fact to let go. I know you really really really wanted to end this. No more babyboy or babygirl sort of relationship anymore. I wanted to tell you so badly that I don't want to. Tonight in particular, I have made it to Day Three.

But you can never understand my fear when the arrival of Day Fourteen when you finally tell me straight to the fact, we can never ever be together again. And that's the downfall of my life as I have built up my most of everthing around us.

Day Two

Still find myself struggling to let go of you from my mind for a moment. I succeeded not crying on Day One but I lost it today. I cried for 3 times in a row. My period came today, as usual, i have pretty bad menstrual cramps. Luckily it wasn't much of pain this time, i managed to ease the pain myself by taking ponstan. I found out that i miss you so much. I miss the "you" who would start cracking jokes to make me laughed and how much you used to say how you wanted to assist me and to comfort me and how bad you felt for not being able to be with me and to take care of me. I miss you and i seriously do.

I came home at 5 in the morning, later around 8 plus i need to be at work. I really don't like what am I doing now but it seems there are no choices anymore because my babyboy will not care for me anymore. Once again, the thought of ending my life triggered me but I guess I can still take it. I love you still. So much.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Day One

Day One: i have painfully managed to pull through a day not calling or texting you like said you wanted some space on your own. It was real tough. I wonder how my remaining balance of the 13 days would be. You promised you will call on the second weekend Saturday. I hope you will going to do that and we will be just alright like before.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What went wrong

I literally felt so suffocated right now. I don't know what has exactly went wrong until my bf has to ignore me. That hurts...way too much. I have feelings too... I don't know why must he treat me like this during christmas. I dont know how to heal myself, every beating of the heart...it hurts a little. What fuck has happened? Felt so helpless that i almost wanted to end my life. I cannot take heartbreaks. I can't afford to take anymore...

Testing 123

Just installed blogpress app to my iPhone! Testing it now...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Privatised.

Babyboy has sound his dissatisfaction towards me blogging about him. Thus has some deep thoughts and came up with a harsh solution to myself which is to wrap up this blog and only keep this to myself. My only room for pouring out my thoughts and feelings has seemed to be sealed. Not completely but just felt being stored up with partial space allowed.

I am unhappy. However, I do comprehend I need to be concerned about his feelings too for sharing bits and pieces about our personal lives, making as if there are no privacy at all. He minds about me going around bitching about him in my own blog. He minds about how my friends who read about my blog and deceive him. I pretty much got the whole picture. Privatizing this blog doesn’t mean I think he is completely right and I agree with him, just that being in a distance relationship and to keep it going… I just need to take a step backward and give in to him. Of course, I want him to be happy being with me as well... hehe