:( I seem to make him compromise reluctantly

It’s funny how things can change so drastically. How I look at certain things at the very first point of time to how I look at it now seems to be so different. I thought I could be accepting enough to let my bf to stay in touch with his ex, but trying to be generous sometimes has only made me to be suffering in silence. I went through his phone bills and found out he called her few times within the month and there’s even a call made to her that has exceeded half an hour of time duration.

I am feeling what I used to feel when I checked through Uncle Wong’s phone bills; those awful feelings seem to be eating my heart out again. But bf has never lie about his ex existence to me nor has he tried keeping her away from me, all this while they have been keeping in touch and I was actually informed. It’s just something about me, I supposed. I just feel so uncomfortable with the whole idea of them being friends back and I know it will be extremely selfish to ask him to stay away from her. But I just did that. Some told me I am putting my relationship on the edge of a cliff because it sounds like I am pushing my bf to a corner without giving him a choice to be made on his own but I do want something solid to protect my inner self too. Shouldn’t it be in a way that my bf should protect me and keep me safe within his hugs?

I felt so lost. Why must be the feelings be this sour? If they are friends, so be as it is…But NO. It is an issue here. Like what Belinda said to me, in a relationship if you're committed to someone and something makes someone uncomfortable, there must be some sort of compromise. Maybe what I have with bf is just not solid enough. I know I will be only suffocating him and forcing him to do things without his willingness. I just don’t what to do…I don’t feel as happy as we used to be. My instinct is telling me if I were to be pretentiously generous and allow them to keep in touch, the conclusion is only one. That I will choose to leave.

I got so emo these few days and have been a crybaby since. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. But most of all, I do really want our relationship to work out.