I miss you

It’s not “her existence” but “my attitude” has made the whole relationship sank. He made a decision and that was to break with me. I have been crying everyday and each day I met him I wouldn’t let myself from not kneeling down before him and begging him to stay. From this point, I know he’s everything to me. Done many silly things to keep myself feeling better. Hurting myself was a total fun. The wound added pain into my struggles and yet I even felt better this way. I can’t accept the fact where he wanted to leave and step out from my life. Tears have been washing down my face every single second. I hate going through the pain which I am going through now. Tell you what, it is even more painful when you know the person who cares and loves you the most doesn’t love or care for you anymore. I am not her baby princess anymore. No more sweet talks, no more gushy mushy lovey dovey touchings, no more sharing ups and downs anymore and completely nothing. I miss him and I miss our 4 years of togetherness.

Phucking DISTURBED

At this very second I am feeling so confuse, hurt, miserable, disappointed, loveless, or just anything that may go against the source of happiness found in lives. I hated myself as much as I hated the whole relationship with him. I really hope one day for me to consume the courage of letting go entirely without leaving a trace of a thing or feeling for the relationship. I am tired with everything about him especially when it comes to "her existence". My self-esteem have been sinking into the bottomless end. I know he would say that I am thinking too much of the unnecessities but I would blame him for not making me to feel right about how he handle our relationship. I am just feeling absolute not right. Felt like crying but failed to do so. Perhaps I have already cried too much the nights before. Fuck. I am so lost now. If I am feeling this bad about him and the relationship we have, why am I still holding on and unwillingly to let go of everything? Why love has to be this hurting and tormenting? Can't be it a simpler one where usually every story/fairytale has a happy ending?