An act of violence

We quarreled again. Basically, it’s a 10 minutes of argument on the intimacy issue, where he spoke in a soft but angered tone that I am very annoying which then I grabbed his hand asking him to say that again…eventually he raised up his hand threatening to slap/bash me if I don’t let go. Of course, I let off my grip and as expected, tears kept flowing down my cheeks. Intense fear start pumping in and frightened that one fine day when he will just lost his control and start to lay his hands on me.

Seriously, while I was crying in his room…The thought of packing up my stuff and leave crossed my mind. Maybe it was just an intense impulse to do so out of fear and disappointment, hence in the end, I chose to stay. I felt a threat in our relationship whereby from that moment he stared at me irately and lifted up his hands showing a sign of violence, my heart was almost went dead. I cannot believe my eyes and it is too painful for me to believe, my very own boyfriend almost laid his hands on me.

He came in and kept apologizing after that. I just don’t understand why the closest person to me and who claimed to have loved me most could actually treat me so maliciously. He just made me feel I am so not worthy and finding faults to be treated such way. He never chose to raise his voice towards his family, brothers, friends or even customers but why me? What some more, he tried to lay his hands on me. For once in a year plus we have been together, I am struggling to give up and I felt trapped in crossroad once again.

The "ex" factor

I had funny feelings. About C. His ex. I mean it’s not that sort of controversial kind of jealousy feeling, as I clearly know she is so past tense but somehow someway, she just gave me funny feelings when we made eye contact back in my workplace. I have not bumped into her many years already, I think the last was back in college days where we used to stay under the same apartment and the only thing that got us connected was friendster then came in facebook. It feels funny to meet her in person especially deliberating the fact she is an ex to my current boyfriend and it is even funnier with the fact that we are actually friends all along.

It must be the “ex” issue has got the feelings a bit complex. Be it sincere or not, both talked a little at that point of contact and ended the short conversation with smiles. In fact, I had also bumped into few of his ex numerous times and things were still alright, I guess this one in particular is different mainly due to we were schoolmates for years. :p I was indeed worrying the possibilities of bumping into her if myRichard and I were to club in any night of the Raya week because they mix in the same group of people, by then, I would have even acted awkwardly with mixed feelings...Luckily, we chosed to stay home and spend boring hours than going alcoholic. Teehee... Blessing in disguise.