Four Months Jor...

Despite of some rather much emo moments I endured and the uncertainties of his ex issues, we are still blissfully attached. Those rough edges have been blunted and what left now are only total contentment and a bundle of joy. In a short period of 4 months time, I have learned so much about us. So much of bits and pieces that we would do for each other just to put a smile on each other face. Isn’t that the sweetest thing that could happen to anyone? Well, it happens to me and I am damn damn damn grateful being with someone who really matters the most to me at the present.

I really don’t mind the tiring trips ipoh- kl- ipoh on weekends and I don’t and won’t even complain a single thing out of it because I know every meet ups is a blessing and those time spent together have actually compensate more to those fatigues. I am really looking forward for a day whereby I have no limitation of timeline being with him and our contentment doesn’t just happen only on weekends. I want to have a promising future with him and I really hope he feels the same way too.

I some sort of compromise myself and to the relationship, I would get myself prepare to request to be transferred down to KL after 1.5 years later. I guess the allocated time span given to myself for this is simply adequate to evaluate if our relationship could be taken further up. But things are certainly better said than done, I’m still keeping my fingers crossed. Well, the all time fav phrase, “Life is predictably unpredictable.” Get it? Let’s just pray for the best that could ever happen to me. :)

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I'm trying out some cool photo editing apps with my iPhone and it's a constant chemistry that I fell in love with all the apps almost immediately!

Kumuta's Farewell

So another helpful colleague has decided to leave and be a housewife instead at the moment. It's a bittersweet sort of farewell. Bitter in the sense of there's more work to do at workplace after she left, sweet is that she's getting married to a doctor and she is granted with a wish that at the nearest 3 months time she can choose to stay jobless. So Maxis as a whole, celebrated Kumuta's farewell at Tower Regency Hotel @ Cafe 6 on last friday, dated 24 July 2009. Nice place though with the interior and the food is unbelievably edible and they tasted real good too. Hahaha. Kumuta@ KUMU-KUMU@ Kumujii, I am going to miss you heaps eh!

Personally, I don't fancy farewell and I think no one does. However, in life we do need to cope with that and it happens so often that at times, we struggle so much to learn the fact that we really need to let go of certain things and people who seem to cross over in our lives.

Life's Pace

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older.
The days get shorter, our list of dreams gets longer.
All we have to show for it is a litany of I'm going to, I plan on,
Someday when things are settled down a bit.'

Because we cram so much into our lives,
We tend to even schedule our headaches.
We live on a diet of promises to ourselves
When all the conditions are perfect, tell ourselves lies

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain lapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask 'How are you? ' Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.'
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die?
Because you didn’t just write or call to say 'Hi?

Life is like an unopened gift....Thrown away
When you worry and hurry through your day,
Life is not a race to live at such a frantic pace
Take it slower, hear the music before the song is over.

Listen to the words that make you’re your heart quiver
SEE the snow in the mountains, in the cold you shiver
Watch a toddler learn in a moment of discovery
See their joy and emulate what you see.

In the school of life each day is a classroom of
Experiences we need to develop our selves.
Stop, slow down and love, make the world
Around you a better place to live and be lived in.

William J. (Skip) Henderson Jr.

How could there be a farewell celebration without photography sessions?

Melissa, Me and Eliza

I wanted to load more but the bloody connection took almost forever hence I have given up. Only managed to upload one pic jek...the rest are all uploaded in my FB account. Hehehe...

Why now?

Menstrual cramp again. Pretty bad one though. How I wish for bf to be around, it could even be better if he's just beside me...tell me some pretty lame jokes or bedtime stories while rubbing my tummy to ease the pain. Argh. I seriously miss him so much at the moment, not because of the cramp but just simply missing him heaps.

Uncle Wong called in the evening, chatted for a while. It's not like a conversation, I feel it was more like a lecture. e.g "You should spend more time at home lah, don't hang out that late lah, remember to drink more water ah and eat on time, go for body check up, take care of urself. Don't still 'sor hah sor hah' and why you so vulgar already..."

It is so classic, these are the things he has been telling me constantly when we were still together, after the break up I do miss these nagging so much and how I long for him to call at least just for once to show me that he still cares for me...But he didn't during my most struggling moment and now when I heard all these, I feel completely nothing. HAHAHA. My heart is numb towards him, I realized. And it is a damn good thing. I'm feeling so good about myself now and also my current relationship.

Despite of this......Arghhhh......The cramp is still here. I need ponstan.

I don't hate myself already. Haha

Being a wonderful girlfriend and to keep up being just as flawless as from the start really can be so mind-blowing because perfection hardly exist in everyone. Especially me. As much as I considered myself being a perfectionist, I still fail to deliver the best for my another half and yet I demand him to treat me perfectly good. There is so much more for me to learn to be a better girlfriend and a good one too.

I don’t feel that sad anymore about the ex issue. I told my bf off everything on how I have invaded into his privacy and read the sms his ex sent him and how I feel about the whole thingy last night. I admit that I may be over-reacting but at least this shows I do care a lot and I do not wish for anyone or anything to become a barrier between us. Like what has recently happened, his ex has come in between us. I felt so flustered and uncomfortable about the whole thing, I was so upset that I could barely sleep and cried for three freaking nights. My mood was so low and I emo-ed kaw kaw......

I felt a sense of relief. Seriously. I guess I am just not someone that is good in keeping my feelings or hiding things from the person I really love. I'm such a lousy pretender but it feels really really good to let out what has been stuck within the mind and heart and truly happy that the emo moment has finally ended.Finally, I'm able to put back a smile on my face. Thanks bf for allowing me to understand the importancy of sharing than just torturing myself with those fears and heaps of question marks. Thanks for coming back too for the weekend to make sure everything is going alright at my end.

:( I seem to make him compromise reluctantly

It’s funny how things can change so drastically. How I look at certain things at the very first point of time to how I look at it now seems to be so different. I thought I could be accepting enough to let my bf to stay in touch with his ex, but trying to be generous sometimes has only made me to be suffering in silence. I went through his phone bills and found out he called her few times within the month and there’s even a call made to her that has exceeded half an hour of time duration.

I am feeling what I used to feel when I checked through Uncle Wong’s phone bills; those awful feelings seem to be eating my heart out again. But bf has never lie about his ex existence to me nor has he tried keeping her away from me, all this while they have been keeping in touch and I was actually informed. It’s just something about me, I supposed. I just feel so uncomfortable with the whole idea of them being friends back and I know it will be extremely selfish to ask him to stay away from her. But I just did that. Some told me I am putting my relationship on the edge of a cliff because it sounds like I am pushing my bf to a corner without giving him a choice to be made on his own but I do want something solid to protect my inner self too. Shouldn’t it be in a way that my bf should protect me and keep me safe within his hugs?

I felt so lost. Why must be the feelings be this sour? If they are friends, so be as it is…But NO. It is an issue here. Like what Belinda said to me, in a relationship if you're committed to someone and something makes someone uncomfortable, there must be some sort of compromise. Maybe what I have with bf is just not solid enough. I know I will be only suffocating him and forcing him to do things without his willingness. I just don’t what to do…I don’t feel as happy as we used to be. My instinct is telling me if I were to be pretentiously generous and allow them to keep in touch, the conclusion is only one. That I will choose to leave.

I got so emo these few days and have been a crybaby since. I want to be happy. I want to be myself. But most of all, I do really want our relationship to work out.

I hate myself. You have no idea by how much of it.

I have come this far to control my bad temper, I even have done so much more for the relationship to be fruitful...I can't let my inner me to spoil everything. Not even one try. But I just don't know why the tears just won't stop dripping and my nose just won't stop bleeding. Am I really just not that suitable to be in relationship? Maybe I am not. Not generous enough to be a person as a whole. Not good enough to be anyone's partner. Not worth the call as a girlfriend. I hate you, Carmen Yew. I don't like the way you bring yourself around and being so over sensitive on unnecessary. Why must you went and damaged things that already owned by you? Why must you be one selfish bitch that everything you see...is only about yourself. Maybe you really don't suit to be anyone's girlfriend. You are just not up to that standard. I think you still need a long way to be a better person.

What is love?

如果你不愛一個人，請放手，好讓別人有機會愛她。

如果你愛的人放棄了你，請放開自己，好讓自己有機會愛別人。



這話直白，但很有道理，也從一個側面教會了人們如何對待情感。



有的東西你再喜歡也不會屬於你的，有的東西你再留戀也注定要放棄的，

愛是人生中一首永遠也唱不完的歌。



人一生中也許會經歷許多種愛，但千萬別讓愛成為一種傷害。

生活中到處都存在著緣分，緣聚緣散好像都是命中注定的事情；

有些緣分一開始就注定要失去，有些緣分是永遠都不會有好結果；

可是我們卻偏偏渴望創造一種奇蹟。



愛一個人不一定要擁有，但擁有一個人就一定要好好的去愛他。



話說著容易，可一旦做時就真的很難，不信你試試。



如果真誠是一種傷害，請選擇謊言；

如果謊言是一種傷害，請選擇沉默；

如果沉默是一種傷害，請選擇離開。

如果愛是一種傷害，請不要靠近。



可是好多的情況下並不是如此，因為不由得你選擇。



如果失去是苦，你怕不怕付出？

如果癡迷是苦，你會不會選擇結束？

如果追求是苦，你會不會選擇執迷不悟？

如果分離是苦，你要向誰傾訴？

好多事情都是後來才看清楚，好多事情當時一點也不覺得苦，

然而我們已經找不到來時的路。



有一種愛，明明是深愛，卻表達不完美。

有一種愛，明知道要放棄，卻不甘心就此離開。

有一種愛，明知是煎熬，卻又捨不得放掉。

有一種愛，明知無前路，心卻早已收不回來。



愛情不是遊戲，因為我們玩不起它。

愛是真心付出，要忘記真的做不到。



不管歸處將是哪裡，我想都該在心底留有一份純真的美好。

I came across this posted quotes somewhere in someone's FB and it speaks so much to me. Just wanted to share this piece which I found it rather much factual and meaningful to every bits about love.

ps: i am going to meet my bf tomorrow evening if everything is in order. :)Going to spend 5 days and nights together. Planning for a overnight trip to Penang as well. Finally, I can selfishly own him all by myself for almost a week. Yay! xoxo

Wide awake still...

I finished the last cup of lychee jelly with natadecoco and munching on my Reese peanut butter cups now while listening to my brother's downloaded songs...currently playing is Lady Gaga's Poker Face. I really didn't know this genre is his cup of tea and I also just got to learn that he knows how to cook. WTF. I can't even fry an egg and my youngest brother now already knows how to fry mee with garlic and eggs. I felt so pathetic about myself at this point of life.

I am so wide awake now...and it's already 3 in the morning. Prolly I have slept too much just now. What should I do now when everyone in the house is either still loitering outside or tuck in beds already...Tiu...Shouldn't have slept that early!

The very very short weekend and my ultimate BF

Just about the night before I was complaining to my bf via MSN on how badly I wanting to meet him for the weekend and how suck it is to be in a long distance relationship, he showed up in my room@ Ipoh the very next day on a Saturday evening. I totally went speechless. We were on the phone before he gave me that enormous surprise visit, he was asking me questions like how would I feel or react if he just appears right at my doorstep…I told him don’t be so out of mind as the very main reason we are not meeting this weekend is he has showroom duty on Sunday. But the next thing I realized is he really came back for me. I was so happy and surprised that I almost choked to death- hahaha...i am a lil bit exaggerative here.

Spent a real short weekend together and I can’t really call it a weekend too; as he was back for merely than 24 hours. I can’t ask for more and I can’t demand anymore as deeply inside, I know it clearly that he has constantly been trying hard to sustain our distance relationship and on top of that, he always find his ways to my heart.

Today he even texted me telling me he has paid for my car installment for the month. In fact, days earlier he already told me in sms that he would take accountability for my car installment from this month onwards, which I felt, I am accepting his offer in much hesitation. We are only 3 months getting on in a relationship, yet he could offer and do so much. I am not talking about money issue here, but the overall thought of him to take good care of me. His willingness to assist me to buy sanitary pads when my stock is finish, his thoughtfulness to buy me krispy kreme donuts when I said I wanted to eat that, his eagerness to help me rub my tummy when I suffering from menstrual cramps, etc. He even let me swear as much as I like and whenever i feel like it without asking me to shut up. I wonder how the others would feel to have someone you love heaps to do all those little things for you and prolly the only thing you could do and been doing is to get bus tickets to travel down to KL and ONLY demand for more love and worse, you even WHINE and MOAN and GROAN and COMPLAIN to your bf that he's unable to be there for you 24/7 physically.

My current bf now is like a complete package that I found very hard to resist. As always said by him, as much as I feel the emptiness whenever he's not around and as much as I hated the loneliness that caused by the distance, he, at the other end, feels the same way too. :)

Sorry for the gushy mushy lovey dovey of words I have used but it is so true that for once after some time back, I felt so well-pampered and so loved like never before. Baby, thanks for the love and you mean the whole world to me by all means and by all ways. wink wink...

xoxo

The weekend shots

WTF?

Things has been really really wrong here.
I met Uncle Wong's ex on Tuesday, then my current boyfriend's ex yesterday and today, the bitch that slept with Skeet. 3 days in a row wei...Yucks! Definitely not a great week to start of with... :(

I need a way out

It seems lately I don’t have the keenness to blog. When I signed in to my blog entry, my mind just went blank and don’t know what to write about even though I have interesting stories that have taken place in my life from the very last update on this blog.

I hardly got to sleep last night. Was on the phone for a while with Eric, having him on the other line talking about how he got his car crashed and the house warming party at his friend’s condo I have missed. Basically I was already drop dead tired but mum was heard to be quarrelling with dad on the phone as well. As far as I am concerned, dad cashes out RM15k and headed up to Genting. Big fuck this time. Sorry…but I really feel it that way. I don’t understand what is exactly running on his mind but there’s no short cut in life in getting rich. Gamble is so out from the picture…why can’t he get the whole idea?

I really don’t know what to say about my family, I am not the sole bread winner in the family but my parents always thought that I earn more than anyone else and I should really contribute more to them. In actuality, I wanted to. I wanted to offer within my means but I am no wonder woman. I do have my own stuff I need to take care of; I do have a wish list of things I wanted to get for myself. Budget is already really tight for this year and in fact this month, I have overspent more than RM1k of my June paid out. I have never encountered such financial problem before; even if I do…I always have Uncle Wong to turn to. It really takes a lot to be independent wholly and I fuckingly hate being broke and unable to spend on stuff whenever I wanted to. There are a few, who offer to help, bf, grandma and even some guy friends. LOL. I turned down their offers…I sort of wanted to settle this matter myself. Maybe I should get some part time jobs or a job change perhaps?

I am feeling extremely pressurized. The latest update, I am not going to Bangkok jor, but I’m still applying for my annual leaves. I desperately need a break from work, I don’t even care if I have to sit at home and rot. Apart from the bad stuff that keeps happening in my life so rapidly...the only best thing remains is my bf. Hahaha. Awesome. Enough said.